(no subject)
Your heart decides Quickly that you should be in love and your mind this time goes along with it. But are you ready for such love and affection to the point where all you want to do is be with that person but you also want to take it slow. I am not used to someone wanting to help me or be there for me the way he does. I want him here with me and at the same time I like the time we are not together.. I miss him when I am not talking to him and it drives me crazy. I love when he comes and sees me just to steal a kiss or spend some time with me or the boys. I usually don't hear from him until the evening because he is either working during the day or just busy at home with his family. He really is amazing to me and I don't know how to explain all the feelings I actually have for him. There are so many things running through my mind about him and how things are with him. He is one hell of a guy and I'm really still not sure how I managed to be the girl that caught his eye. My heart screams that he is the one and my mind does as well.. Screaming his name. My dreams are of him at night and a lot of them are extremely vivid. One is my same reoccurring dream that I have had for years of getting married and never seeing who I am marrying and this time I have finally seen the face and it is him.. How is it possible that all these years I have never seen a face until I met him. My other dreams are vivid as well as if they are real and I am actually doing those things with them. Trips to the beach, Camping out in the middle of nowhere and having a house in the middle of nowhere in the mountains with trails nearby, A big house with a fireplace and a big yard so the kids can go outside and play and letting his dog out to play in the yard with the kids. Dreams that I want to come true so much. I love him so much and yet I'm scared at the same time only because I know what he has told me of his past and I know my past as well.. I hope we will be together for a really long time and I pray every single night that god made him just for me and that he is the one that I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with. We both deserve so much happiness and I think we can give it to each other and I know I can be happy and spend the rest of my life with him I have seen it in my dreams. A future with someone that is like me in a lot of ways and that can love me for who I truly am instead of someone just wanting me for a piece of ass is amazing. I know its not like that with him at all and I love it. I love every little thing about him and I know we are both broken and scarred but I think we can come through it all on top and ahead and prove that there is true love out there you just have to find it somewhere in the mess of this world. If you just believe in yourself and put your trust in God and give yourself to him fully he will open doors you never thought could open for you. And that is what I have done. I gave myself fully to God and put my trust and faith in him and he brought me the most amazing man on earth.. I have yet to learn a few more things about him but it will all be revealed in due time. All things come to those who wait patiently and I am waiting patiently for things to blossom even more than what they already have. He is amazing and Yes If I let you in to my most secret most private place which is my journal it means I trust you more than you know. I do truly love you Jarod and I know you have already said that those feelings are there for you as well. I hope you read this with a smile on your face baby.. I know its been a long time since you have been in a relationship but if you let me I want to be with you and walk that long hard road with you hand in hand. I hope you see a future with me as much as I see one with you cuddling next to a fire in a nice log cabin in the middle of nowhere. Muah babe..