Quietness... For Now.
Well, I HAD planned on getting SOMEthing accomplished tonight. We see how well that went, lol.
I WAS going to try and create Widow's Hellrider costume (using the uberawesometastic CoH character generator). Yeah. Haven't so much as put my mouse over the icon. -though there is still time, I may putz around with that when I'm done here-
I WAS going to try my hand at designing a really cool Hellriders symbol so that we've got one to put on the t-shirt we want to make. Haven't so much as LOOKED at my sketchbook.
I THOUGHT about maybe working some more on page layouts for a special project I'm working on with a friend. See note about sketchbook above, lol. (though, to my credit, I've been getting a lot of that work done in the breakroom at work just before my shift starts)
I WAS going to putz around a little bit, then go to bed. I don't think I really need to add a note to this one...
What I DID manage to accomplish was clearing out a bunch of the deviations from people I watch on dA, before subsequently getting too tired to bother and deleting them ALL. AND, I got my new issue of Random Quotes up. And that's about pretty much it since I put the husband to bed about an hour ago.
On the plus side, though, things are for now quiet. Ish.
Haven't seen the baby, so that's good. (haven't seen the "father" but for two weeks early on, and haven't even HEARD from him since then -about a month and a half go now- which is bad as far as my husband is concerned). I've reached the point where I genuinely don't give a rats ass what happens to any of them, which is a relief in many ways. It's a weight that I don't have to bother with anymore, and very rarely stresses me at this point. Which is good for me. The negative energy where that whole mess is concerned is like, 98% GONE, yay, the stress over it all is virtually ALL gone as well, again- yay. My only thought in that direction at all anymore is that I hope the baby is a stronger person that its parents. Both of them. (though the mother in particular in this case). If not... oh well. There's nothing I can do, and truthfully, nothing I really want to do at this point. I did my best where the mother was concerned, but she's just proven to me too many times that she's too much of a two-faced manipulator who puts herself, an her own wants above anyone else -her husband included- for me to continue to invest any time or effort into any kind of relationship with her. Perhaps the child would be better off with me and my husband in its life, but perhaps not, as I know I would have too much of a conflict of interest where its mother is concerned.
As it sits right now, the baby doesn't exist, and they don't even enter my world. I like it that way. Less negative energy, less stress, and if the baby doesn't exist to me, it's less likely I'll get pissed at the destruction of an innocent life.
There is a lot I'm willing to do for other people. Even doing things for people I don't like because it would help someone else out more. But there is NO ONE outside my husband I am willing to help for any reason, if it means I'd be subjecting myself to someone who is out to try and ruin or cause strife in my marriage. Especially if they are doing it for kicks, some imagined "issue", or so that they can justify their own sad lives to make them feel better about themselves. So before anyone tried to give me crap about "not wanting to be there for the baby because it's not the baby's fault", keep that in mind.
Heh. That was cathartic. Dunno why I'm so surprised. It usually is.
Just needed to rant about something, I guess. You know, like usual. Certain things still aren't settled, and I'm not sure they ever will be at this point, because I am, sadly, too nice a person. I know it'll be a bit of a fight, and will -at this point- "re-open old wounds", so I'm kind of waiting for the right time to do it, to minimize the impact on us. Guess I figure if the timing's right, it'll go "well" and everything will be fine, but if not, things will go badly (with certain consequences I am not willing to go into right now). And, conveniently, every time I think I'm ready to say "fuck it, it's getting done", there always seems to be enough bad shit going on that I'm too scared to do it because as I said, I'm afraid that it'll make it go badly.
I'm beginning to wonder if perhaps it isn't the universe giving me some kind of test for me to learn to suck it up and do it anyway, and deal with whatever consequences there are (because as the old folk would say- it likely won't be anywhere near as bad as you're expecting), or a lesson in patience regarding picking and choosing your battles. OR, just to fuck with ME, as the universe does occasionally seem prone to doing, it's a lesson in learning not only when to pick and choose your battles, but when to quietly and secretly withdraw from a battle youre in, therein becoming the "bigger person" until such time as the battle can resume, or commence at a time and place of YOUR choosing.
Either way, I think that for now, I'm going to go the better part of valor route and bow out of the fight. For NOW. Besides, I've got the letter written, should I need it, and I'm prepared to stand my ground and take whatever comes at me from the use of an offense should this fight happen again, so I think I'm finally getting pretty comfortable with the idea of "letting it go." Again, like I said, at least for now. The trip wire will still be set, but as long as it isn't triggered, I think things will be... ok. Even if it is going to take a rather long time.
That's ok. I'm pretty patient. And when I'm not, it is usually seen to to teach me a good lesson about renewing said patience. :)
So now that all that's out of my system, and it's about 4 in the morning... I have no idea. I may go to bed, or try and do something productive. I dunno. Bed sounds good though. We'll see.
In any case, Later, ya'll.
I WAS going to try and create Widow's Hellrider costume (using the uberawesometastic CoH character generator). Yeah. Haven't so much as put my mouse over the icon. -though there is still time, I may putz around with that when I'm done here-
I WAS going to try my hand at designing a really cool Hellriders symbol so that we've got one to put on the t-shirt we want to make. Haven't so much as LOOKED at my sketchbook.
I THOUGHT about maybe working some more on page layouts for a special project I'm working on with a friend. See note about sketchbook above, lol. (though, to my credit, I've been getting a lot of that work done in the breakroom at work just before my shift starts)
I WAS going to putz around a little bit, then go to bed. I don't think I really need to add a note to this one...
What I DID manage to accomplish was clearing out a bunch of the deviations from people I watch on dA, before subsequently getting too tired to bother and deleting them ALL. AND, I got my new issue of Random Quotes up. And that's about pretty much it since I put the husband to bed about an hour ago.
On the plus side, though, things are for now quiet. Ish.
Haven't seen the baby, so that's good. (haven't seen the "father" but for two weeks early on, and haven't even HEARD from him since then -about a month and a half go now- which is bad as far as my husband is concerned). I've reached the point where I genuinely don't give a rats ass what happens to any of them, which is a relief in many ways. It's a weight that I don't have to bother with anymore, and very rarely stresses me at this point. Which is good for me. The negative energy where that whole mess is concerned is like, 98% GONE, yay, the stress over it all is virtually ALL gone as well, again- yay. My only thought in that direction at all anymore is that I hope the baby is a stronger person that its parents. Both of them. (though the mother in particular in this case). If not... oh well. There's nothing I can do, and truthfully, nothing I really want to do at this point. I did my best where the mother was concerned, but she's just proven to me too many times that she's too much of a two-faced manipulator who puts herself, an her own wants above anyone else -her husband included- for me to continue to invest any time or effort into any kind of relationship with her. Perhaps the child would be better off with me and my husband in its life, but perhaps not, as I know I would have too much of a conflict of interest where its mother is concerned.
As it sits right now, the baby doesn't exist, and they don't even enter my world. I like it that way. Less negative energy, less stress, and if the baby doesn't exist to me, it's less likely I'll get pissed at the destruction of an innocent life.
There is a lot I'm willing to do for other people. Even doing things for people I don't like because it would help someone else out more. But there is NO ONE outside my husband I am willing to help for any reason, if it means I'd be subjecting myself to someone who is out to try and ruin or cause strife in my marriage. Especially if they are doing it for kicks, some imagined "issue", or so that they can justify their own sad lives to make them feel better about themselves. So before anyone tried to give me crap about "not wanting to be there for the baby because it's not the baby's fault", keep that in mind.
Heh. That was cathartic. Dunno why I'm so surprised. It usually is.
Just needed to rant about something, I guess. You know, like usual. Certain things still aren't settled, and I'm not sure they ever will be at this point, because I am, sadly, too nice a person. I know it'll be a bit of a fight, and will -at this point- "re-open old wounds", so I'm kind of waiting for the right time to do it, to minimize the impact on us. Guess I figure if the timing's right, it'll go "well" and everything will be fine, but if not, things will go badly (with certain consequences I am not willing to go into right now). And, conveniently, every time I think I'm ready to say "fuck it, it's getting done", there always seems to be enough bad shit going on that I'm too scared to do it because as I said, I'm afraid that it'll make it go badly.
I'm beginning to wonder if perhaps it isn't the universe giving me some kind of test for me to learn to suck it up and do it anyway, and deal with whatever consequences there are (because as the old folk would say- it likely won't be anywhere near as bad as you're expecting), or a lesson in patience regarding picking and choosing your battles. OR, just to fuck with ME, as the universe does occasionally seem prone to doing, it's a lesson in learning not only when to pick and choose your battles, but when to quietly and secretly withdraw from a battle youre in, therein becoming the "bigger person" until such time as the battle can resume, or commence at a time and place of YOUR choosing.
Either way, I think that for now, I'm going to go the better part of valor route and bow out of the fight. For NOW. Besides, I've got the letter written, should I need it, and I'm prepared to stand my ground and take whatever comes at me from the use of an offense should this fight happen again, so I think I'm finally getting pretty comfortable with the idea of "letting it go." Again, like I said, at least for now. The trip wire will still be set, but as long as it isn't triggered, I think things will be... ok. Even if it is going to take a rather long time.
That's ok. I'm pretty patient. And when I'm not, it is usually seen to to teach me a good lesson about renewing said patience. :)
So now that all that's out of my system, and it's about 4 in the morning... I have no idea. I may go to bed, or try and do something productive. I dunno. Bed sounds good though. We'll see.
In any case, Later, ya'll.