(no subject)
(Note: this was an unsaved draft from back in July--just getting around to posting it now)
Just an update to let you guys know that I'm not all angsty at the moment (fuck you Firefox that's a word). I understand exactly where I was coming from with those last few posts but dear god, those couldn't have been fun to read.
My job situation has recently taken a turn for the better. My old company was acquired this year, and the new company retained me, which means I think I've survived three rounds of layoffs now. My old supervisor (I am loath to call her my boss) quit shortly after the acquisition, and now I'm doing her job. I am still in an adjustment period, but I'd say that I'm already better at it than she was. Well maybe not better...just different. She was a staunch defender of the status quo, and she kept things running, but didn't have any kind of vision. I don't know how else to put it. She was unable to see how things could be better. There are a lot of changes going on with this acquisition and I find myself actually able to adapt to them instead of just complaining about them to everybody. I can get my way by using logic and reason instead of harsh criticism.
That was what work was like with her. I took to keeping a low profile, trying to limit my exposure to the beam of her constant withering judgment. She talked shit about other people, and loudly, as if it was her job, and I was hardly in a place where I could deal with that. I just avoided her. Unfortunately, this also meant avoiding other people, since if they shared even one loose personal detail about me it would instantly become public knowledge.
Even thinking about her pisses me off. But she's gone, so no more angst for now.
Anyway, a side effect of my increased responsibility and greater freedom is a boost in self-confidence. I actually like myself, and am able to be myself in most situations. I still don't have many friends, or a girlfriend, but that doesn't feel like a personal failing of mine...it doesn't make me question my worth as a person. I feel like I could get a girlfriend if I really wanted to, but if I did I'd still be getting one for the wrong reasons (namely to have a cute girl clinging to my arm in public, and to have regular sex). I still need a lot more work on myself in the girl department. Or maybe I just need to go get one, and if she sucks, consider it a learning experience. I have never had a girlfriend who lived less than 2,000 miles from me, and I can't just jump from that to a lifelong commitment with the next girl who comes along.
So woo, an LJ post where I don't sound like I'm on the verge of suicide.
Just an update to let you guys know that I'm not all angsty at the moment (fuck you Firefox that's a word). I understand exactly where I was coming from with those last few posts but dear god, those couldn't have been fun to read.
My job situation has recently taken a turn for the better. My old company was acquired this year, and the new company retained me, which means I think I've survived three rounds of layoffs now. My old supervisor (I am loath to call her my boss) quit shortly after the acquisition, and now I'm doing her job. I am still in an adjustment period, but I'd say that I'm already better at it than she was. Well maybe not better...just different. She was a staunch defender of the status quo, and she kept things running, but didn't have any kind of vision. I don't know how else to put it. She was unable to see how things could be better. There are a lot of changes going on with this acquisition and I find myself actually able to adapt to them instead of just complaining about them to everybody. I can get my way by using logic and reason instead of harsh criticism.
That was what work was like with her. I took to keeping a low profile, trying to limit my exposure to the beam of her constant withering judgment. She talked shit about other people, and loudly, as if it was her job, and I was hardly in a place where I could deal with that. I just avoided her. Unfortunately, this also meant avoiding other people, since if they shared even one loose personal detail about me it would instantly become public knowledge.
Even thinking about her pisses me off. But she's gone, so no more angst for now.
Anyway, a side effect of my increased responsibility and greater freedom is a boost in self-confidence. I actually like myself, and am able to be myself in most situations. I still don't have many friends, or a girlfriend, but that doesn't feel like a personal failing of mine...it doesn't make me question my worth as a person. I feel like I could get a girlfriend if I really wanted to, but if I did I'd still be getting one for the wrong reasons (namely to have a cute girl clinging to my arm in public, and to have regular sex). I still need a lot more work on myself in the girl department. Or maybe I just need to go get one, and if she sucks, consider it a learning experience. I have never had a girlfriend who lived less than 2,000 miles from me, and I can't just jump from that to a lifelong commitment with the next girl who comes along.
So woo, an LJ post where I don't sound like I'm on the verge of suicide.