(Untitled)

[kahensenshi]

This is the second time going out with this girl, and the second time that I've come home feeling like I'm about to have some kind of nervous breakdown. The first time also corresponds to the last entry I made here where I was talking about what a useless narcissistic piece of shit I was

Comments

[michie3]

If I'm not allowing myself to be myself... I can relate to that on countless
levels... and honestly I do not have an answer as to how to find the person
who is right for you, I never found that answer myself. Rather, the 'right'
person blundered into my secluded life in such a bizarre circumstance as to
only merit it an act of God himself, one of the reasons I even came to
believe in such things. It was a crazy 1 in a trillion miracle of
unquantifiable proportions.

Undoubtedly there is well over more than a hundred girls out there (within
reaching distance) that would love a chance to get to know you and get
away from all those 'in-the-box' 'normal' types. Honestly, normal just
plain scares me, all of it seems so shallow and fake.

I wish I could be more helpful... I have yet to truly overcome a lot of
the same issues myself, it is a constant struggle. Blah, I feel like this
reply has been an epic fail X.x ah well...

Hang in there, you were strong enough to will yourself out on a date after
all, something that I was NEVER able to do myself. Even if it did not work
out it still goes to show your strength and resolve. Keep it up, life has
a way of glomping us over the head with craziness when we least expect it,
and we all want the glomping kind of craziness. ;)

[kahensenshi]

I agree with all of this. I feel like it's the very normalness and shallowness of ordinary people that make me feel ashamed of myself around them. People generally want to know surface level things at first (what I like to do for fun, how many friends I have, do I have a girlfriend, etc.), and based on those alone I can't imagine how they wouldn't think I'm a loser.

It's really a catch-22...I mean I can't get a girlfriend until I actually like myself, which I can't do until I have a have a girlfriend, and the same with friends, or leading some kind of interesting life, etc.