I need doctors that listen . . .
Dear Dr. Whoever,
I need you to take me seriously and to listen to me when I tell you that something is wrong.
I understand what a pacemaker does. I understand that I am paced at less than 1%. There is something seriously wrong because I am alays dizzy on some level. It never stops. I don't feel normal. When I move, the dizziness gets worse. I obviously have to move, but it is not easy. I am not currently able to live like a normal person. When I say that the dizziness never goes away, I mean that it NEVER goes away.
It may not be "dizzy" all the time as in the room is spinning because the room isn't always spinning. There are definitly times that it seems like it is moving. It moves back and forth and wobbles as well. It seems my eyes often involunarily jump, too. Letting my little service dog, Radar, pull me along in my transport chair when she wanted to do that was always an extremely fun activity for the both of us. Now, it's not all that fun for me. I'll let her do it to some extent, but as she pulls, I get dizzier. Yes, just from her pulling and not my own moving, I get dizzier.
I get dizzy watching scolling text. I get dizzy watching the animation of a bouncing ball. The dizziness gets really bad if I have to move quickly from spot to spot.
This dizziness has an electrical and "buzzy" sensation to it. It is not a dizziness that I ever felt before having a pacemaker. There is definitely something wrong. My feet also vibrate and when I feel vibrations in my chest from my pacemaker, they match the vibrations. There is something that makes me seem much dumber than I usually am that goes on with my brain. I know most people can't tell, but I can tell. Sometimes I can feel the vibrations going up my legs. Sometimes I can feel the vibrations in my butt. Sometimes I can feel the vibrations in my arms.
At one point, my arms were getting a feeling of shooting cold from the shoulders and then down to my hands early in the morning. Thankfully, that has seemed to stop.
I want to be able to live like a real person. A bout of dizziness here and there probably would not be a big deal. Vibrating feet without dizziness probably would not be a big deal. However, this awkward dizziness is terrible. Also, with the worse that it gets, the worse there is a buzzing and pressure sensation in my head. My ears start feeling more and more stuffed up with the dizzier that I get.
I know that some people are just trying to be helpful with suggestions, however, there are other people who think they are doctors. Device specialists are not doctors. They need to quit acting like they are and like they have the say about what is going on.
I understand that I did not realize that I was not feeling good before I was found passed out and had the heart attack. However, as I am not as bad now, I know my body. This is not any normal sensation of dizziness or sickness from my body. My feet literally feel like there are tiny vibrating appliances in them.
I want to be able to take a shower and not just wash myself with washcloths which is still extremely difficult because I get very dizzy. I want to be able to enjoy making my dinner, even though right now it mainly is just heaing up food in the microwave. I like to enjoy it and I currently can't enjoy it. I want to be able to play with my little service dogs. When they are off duty and just allowed to "dog," I like to play with them and I can't do that right now because of moving making me dizzy.
I've had low blood pressure before and I know how that feels. A doctor insisted that I needed blood pressure medication when I didn't. I know that I do get orthostatic blood pressure, but I think that has to do with the dizziness issue. I sit for hours and that allows my blood pressure to get back to normal, but I am still dizzy.
I cannot do normal things like some people think I am able to do. Sitting and typing doesn't take the amount of movement that cleaning things up off of the floor, getting food out of the fridge or freezer and putting it on a plate adn into the microwave, loading a dishwasher, washing dishes by hand, or taking a shower takes. Sitting and typing is literally just sitting and moving my fingers. I often can't watch the words coming up on the screen because watching them makes me feel dizzy and nauseous.
Watching the view out of a car window used to be fun. Now it makes me dizzy and nauseous. My brain always feels at least a tiny bit "buzzy." It feels horribly "buzzy' if I have to move around lots and it feels like I am going to fall.
It often feels like I am wobbly and going to fall when I am in my transport chair and sometimes even in my nice, plush recliner that definitely would not let me fall onto the floor.
I have had to take breaks while writing this because of being dizzy. I stop and close my eyes. I am still dizzy when they are closed.
My feet do not hurt. There are no pins and needles sensations. My feet are not numb. I can still feel things just fine. My feet do not go numb with the sleeping and tingling sensaton like I get with the cubital tunnel syndrome where the solution is to "stop that action." This is not a tingling like when I've had a foot cramp or when my foot has fallen asleep. There is no stabbing or burning sensation in my fet. In fact, I would not even describe what I am feeling as a tingling sensation. This is a pure vibration. It feels like I have little vibrating refrigeratiors inside of my feet and sometimes up my legs.
I don't know if it has to do with the pacemaker, but I seem to often find myself more tired than I used to be. I find that I start falling alseep when I'm not trying to fall asleep.
I want a cardiologist to actually examine me and my pacemaker and see what is happening. I don't want some person who thinks they are a doctor (ahem, device specialists and nurses) telling me that these sensations have nothing to do with my pacemaker. I need to be examined by a cardiologist and then if there is another reason for how I am feeling.
I find as a write more, I make more typos and leave out more words. None of that is normal for me. I truly need somebody to listen. I truly need somebody who actually cares rather than somebody who just passes along whatever they think and then don't schedule me for an appointment with a cardiologist.
I need you to take me seriously and to listen to me when I tell you that something is wrong.
I understand what a pacemaker does. I understand that I am paced at less than 1%. There is something seriously wrong because I am alays dizzy on some level. It never stops. I don't feel normal. When I move, the dizziness gets worse. I obviously have to move, but it is not easy. I am not currently able to live like a normal person. When I say that the dizziness never goes away, I mean that it NEVER goes away.
It may not be "dizzy" all the time as in the room is spinning because the room isn't always spinning. There are definitly times that it seems like it is moving. It moves back and forth and wobbles as well. It seems my eyes often involunarily jump, too. Letting my little service dog, Radar, pull me along in my transport chair when she wanted to do that was always an extremely fun activity for the both of us. Now, it's not all that fun for me. I'll let her do it to some extent, but as she pulls, I get dizzier. Yes, just from her pulling and not my own moving, I get dizzier.
I get dizzy watching scolling text. I get dizzy watching the animation of a bouncing ball. The dizziness gets really bad if I have to move quickly from spot to spot.
This dizziness has an electrical and "buzzy" sensation to it. It is not a dizziness that I ever felt before having a pacemaker. There is definitely something wrong. My feet also vibrate and when I feel vibrations in my chest from my pacemaker, they match the vibrations. There is something that makes me seem much dumber than I usually am that goes on with my brain. I know most people can't tell, but I can tell. Sometimes I can feel the vibrations going up my legs. Sometimes I can feel the vibrations in my butt. Sometimes I can feel the vibrations in my arms.
At one point, my arms were getting a feeling of shooting cold from the shoulders and then down to my hands early in the morning. Thankfully, that has seemed to stop.
I want to be able to live like a real person. A bout of dizziness here and there probably would not be a big deal. Vibrating feet without dizziness probably would not be a big deal. However, this awkward dizziness is terrible. Also, with the worse that it gets, the worse there is a buzzing and pressure sensation in my head. My ears start feeling more and more stuffed up with the dizzier that I get.
I know that some people are just trying to be helpful with suggestions, however, there are other people who think they are doctors. Device specialists are not doctors. They need to quit acting like they are and like they have the say about what is going on.
I understand that I did not realize that I was not feeling good before I was found passed out and had the heart attack. However, as I am not as bad now, I know my body. This is not any normal sensation of dizziness or sickness from my body. My feet literally feel like there are tiny vibrating appliances in them.
I want to be able to take a shower and not just wash myself with washcloths which is still extremely difficult because I get very dizzy. I want to be able to enjoy making my dinner, even though right now it mainly is just heaing up food in the microwave. I like to enjoy it and I currently can't enjoy it. I want to be able to play with my little service dogs. When they are off duty and just allowed to "dog," I like to play with them and I can't do that right now because of moving making me dizzy.
I've had low blood pressure before and I know how that feels. A doctor insisted that I needed blood pressure medication when I didn't. I know that I do get orthostatic blood pressure, but I think that has to do with the dizziness issue. I sit for hours and that allows my blood pressure to get back to normal, but I am still dizzy.
I cannot do normal things like some people think I am able to do. Sitting and typing doesn't take the amount of movement that cleaning things up off of the floor, getting food out of the fridge or freezer and putting it on a plate adn into the microwave, loading a dishwasher, washing dishes by hand, or taking a shower takes. Sitting and typing is literally just sitting and moving my fingers. I often can't watch the words coming up on the screen because watching them makes me feel dizzy and nauseous.
Watching the view out of a car window used to be fun. Now it makes me dizzy and nauseous. My brain always feels at least a tiny bit "buzzy." It feels horribly "buzzy' if I have to move around lots and it feels like I am going to fall.
It often feels like I am wobbly and going to fall when I am in my transport chair and sometimes even in my nice, plush recliner that definitely would not let me fall onto the floor.
I have had to take breaks while writing this because of being dizzy. I stop and close my eyes. I am still dizzy when they are closed.
My feet do not hurt. There are no pins and needles sensations. My feet are not numb. I can still feel things just fine. My feet do not go numb with the sleeping and tingling sensaton like I get with the cubital tunnel syndrome where the solution is to "stop that action." This is not a tingling like when I've had a foot cramp or when my foot has fallen asleep. There is no stabbing or burning sensation in my fet. In fact, I would not even describe what I am feeling as a tingling sensation. This is a pure vibration. It feels like I have little vibrating refrigeratiors inside of my feet and sometimes up my legs.
I don't know if it has to do with the pacemaker, but I seem to often find myself more tired than I used to be. I find that I start falling alseep when I'm not trying to fall asleep.
I want a cardiologist to actually examine me and my pacemaker and see what is happening. I don't want some person who thinks they are a doctor (ahem, device specialists and nurses) telling me that these sensations have nothing to do with my pacemaker. I need to be examined by a cardiologist and then if there is another reason for how I am feeling.
I find as a write more, I make more typos and leave out more words. None of that is normal for me. I truly need somebody to listen. I truly need somebody who actually cares rather than somebody who just passes along whatever they think and then don't schedule me for an appointment with a cardiologist.