20 things about me, stolen from Jill.
1. I have neglected to get internet all summer long, and today was made kind of a fool of in class because I was supposed to research a term, but did not do it so I made it up sort of on the spot. The class is Queer Theatre, and the assignment was to look up offensive terms and chart how they were adopted into the American lexicon. So my word was muffdiver, and I think I said something like “You know, uh, it refers to, uh, an offensive term for lesbians… or people who do that.” I felt the entire room of extremely passionate gay theater graduate students stare at me. But perhaps I’m imagining that. Anyway, it was weird. To try and save face, I offered up the synonym carpetmuncher and surprisingly, this sufficed. Or my professor simply didn’t care. We’ll go with that.
2. I just got out of the aforementioned class, and it is amazing. Although I feel a bit awkward there, as I believe Becca and I are the only straight people, and its kind of like this community I am not a part of. Actually, in class we talk a lot about whether straight people can write or talk about GLBTQ issues with seriousness, like I can’t truly be informed about what it is like to be gay, so I can only intellectualize about it from afar. I don’t know if I make sense, but I’ve been thinking a lot about stuff lately like, does my identity as a white, upper-middle class, female student exclude me from associating with people, or experiencing certain things? I feel like this could become longer and much more fleshed out rant, which I will save for another time, when I have internet in my home rather than the library.
3. Which I guess brings me to my first point, I came online today to order internet on Comcast, but it confuses me a lot. I don’t know what anything means, because I am fairly technologically slow. I was contemplating digital cable as well, but it confuses me also, and I am very poor. Who knew this shit was so expensive? Not me. Besides, I’m not home often and my computer sreen is bigger than my TV, honestly. So, another day, another time.
4. When I graduate from Emerson, it is likely that I will be moving back to Connecticut, going to Wesleyan, which is the next town over from me, so I can live at home and save money. Thinking of Connecticut reminds me of the sudden, sobering moment on a long car ride to the beach when you discover that you have to go to the bathroom really badly, enduring jabs in the side from your brother for the next thirty miles. Uncomfortable, anxious, and irrtating. Perhaps, though, this perception was all in my mind, and maybe the second time around, having chosen to be there, it won’t seem so bad.
5. I’m writing this post on Microsoft Word, and edited the above metaphor a good 6 times. I’m kind of insane. And it didn’t even really work as a metaphor, but oh well. You get my point.
6. I’ve had no food in my apartment for a good month now, and have been eating at work and ordering food constantly, and I really freakin’ poor. Shaw’s in time consuming though, and I am lazy and unmotivated. There is something about pushing a shopping cart around a gracery store that makes me feel lonely and kind of embarrassed, because I know I am only buying for me, and to be honest, I’m not proud of some of my food selections, like buying a economy size bag of Ore Ida crinkle cut French fries because I like to gorge myself.
7. Despite my hearing loss, I started speaking extremely young, and for the most part, spoke with enough clarity that no one realized I was partially deaf until much later in life. However, I had trouble with the f sound, so one night when I was still in a high chair, my mom served me fish, which I don’t like, and I shout out “I’m not eating this shit!” because that’s how I pronounced it. My only speaking trouble spot sent my mom reeling into my dad, convinced that he had taught me the word. Sadly, it was just me.
8. Jill still needs to make a Sleater Kinney cd, or at least suggest a good introductory album for me to buy.
9. I really wish that I had a garden. I have never desired to plant things until almost this moment, when I feel an uncontrollable urge to help something be alive.
10. Perhaps I will buy a little bonsai tree, or maybe a little tiny plant, because those need love too.
11. I need to start watching Queer as Folk, because I feel as if I would like it. Also, I got an assignment today from my Queer Theatre professor. Apparently, there’s a conference held in Philly in March for undergrad and grad scholarly essays on Queer as Folk, the L Word, Queer Eye, etc. on the subject of the portrayal of gays on television and whether the images are positive or negative, especially in light of gay issues being so prominent in the media. One of the possible topics is the amount of straight women obsessed with QAF. Plus, if I get into the conference, I am told it will help me get into grad school, which I am seriously thinking of concentrating on Gender Issues in the media. An idea that came to me yesterday.
12. I just bought the album Surfer Rosa by the Pixies and it is amazing.
13. I wish that I could write a love letter to all my coworkers (except Paul and Jonas) and seal it with a kiss. And not have that be weird or presumptuous. Because I really, truly, love every single one of them more than I ever thought was possible.
14. Jonas is transferring from my store and I am wrought with both an uncontrollable, guttural guilty regret and the most enormous, blissful relief that sometimes all I can do is cry.
15. I miss my friend Steve Weed from home so much. He’s amazing and might possibly be my only truly perfect, platonic love of my life. I want to hug him, but that’s not what we do, so it’d be more like a sly sideways glance and clever aside to only me. I want him to move to Boston.
16. Ditto about Jon Tee. I think I am flying to LA this fall to see him, and I cannot wait because he reminds me that life is fun.
17. My former best friend from elementary school went to Tulane and the onther day my mother called her dad to see if she was ok. He seemed surprised she called, like he assumed that just because Amanda and I had grown up and never spoke anymore, that I would forget about her. He was grateful though, and she’s ok and everything. But I learned that my mom is one of the most amazing people I know that she would think to call, and that I hope I take after her.
18. This summer I took a big leap in decided to be on my own, and it must have been a good thing, because I cannot remember myself 4 months ago at all. Its kind of scary.
19. I want to have a dinner party. Let me know if anyone would be down.
20. I can’t wait until Brokebach Mountain comes out, because its going to be all kinds of hot and amazing.
tag:
1. travoltasunit
2. drummersam
3. glitternympho
4. bienatole
5. aoiikate
6. rachelevil
7. ponte
2. I just got out of the aforementioned class, and it is amazing. Although I feel a bit awkward there, as I believe Becca and I are the only straight people, and its kind of like this community I am not a part of. Actually, in class we talk a lot about whether straight people can write or talk about GLBTQ issues with seriousness, like I can’t truly be informed about what it is like to be gay, so I can only intellectualize about it from afar. I don’t know if I make sense, but I’ve been thinking a lot about stuff lately like, does my identity as a white, upper-middle class, female student exclude me from associating with people, or experiencing certain things? I feel like this could become longer and much more fleshed out rant, which I will save for another time, when I have internet in my home rather than the library.
3. Which I guess brings me to my first point, I came online today to order internet on Comcast, but it confuses me a lot. I don’t know what anything means, because I am fairly technologically slow. I was contemplating digital cable as well, but it confuses me also, and I am very poor. Who knew this shit was so expensive? Not me. Besides, I’m not home often and my computer sreen is bigger than my TV, honestly. So, another day, another time.
4. When I graduate from Emerson, it is likely that I will be moving back to Connecticut, going to Wesleyan, which is the next town over from me, so I can live at home and save money. Thinking of Connecticut reminds me of the sudden, sobering moment on a long car ride to the beach when you discover that you have to go to the bathroom really badly, enduring jabs in the side from your brother for the next thirty miles. Uncomfortable, anxious, and irrtating. Perhaps, though, this perception was all in my mind, and maybe the second time around, having chosen to be there, it won’t seem so bad.
5. I’m writing this post on Microsoft Word, and edited the above metaphor a good 6 times. I’m kind of insane. And it didn’t even really work as a metaphor, but oh well. You get my point.
6. I’ve had no food in my apartment for a good month now, and have been eating at work and ordering food constantly, and I really freakin’ poor. Shaw’s in time consuming though, and I am lazy and unmotivated. There is something about pushing a shopping cart around a gracery store that makes me feel lonely and kind of embarrassed, because I know I am only buying for me, and to be honest, I’m not proud of some of my food selections, like buying a economy size bag of Ore Ida crinkle cut French fries because I like to gorge myself.
7. Despite my hearing loss, I started speaking extremely young, and for the most part, spoke with enough clarity that no one realized I was partially deaf until much later in life. However, I had trouble with the f sound, so one night when I was still in a high chair, my mom served me fish, which I don’t like, and I shout out “I’m not eating this shit!” because that’s how I pronounced it. My only speaking trouble spot sent my mom reeling into my dad, convinced that he had taught me the word. Sadly, it was just me.
8. Jill still needs to make a Sleater Kinney cd, or at least suggest a good introductory album for me to buy.
9. I really wish that I had a garden. I have never desired to plant things until almost this moment, when I feel an uncontrollable urge to help something be alive.
10. Perhaps I will buy a little bonsai tree, or maybe a little tiny plant, because those need love too.
11. I need to start watching Queer as Folk, because I feel as if I would like it. Also, I got an assignment today from my Queer Theatre professor. Apparently, there’s a conference held in Philly in March for undergrad and grad scholarly essays on Queer as Folk, the L Word, Queer Eye, etc. on the subject of the portrayal of gays on television and whether the images are positive or negative, especially in light of gay issues being so prominent in the media. One of the possible topics is the amount of straight women obsessed with QAF. Plus, if I get into the conference, I am told it will help me get into grad school, which I am seriously thinking of concentrating on Gender Issues in the media. An idea that came to me yesterday.
12. I just bought the album Surfer Rosa by the Pixies and it is amazing.
13. I wish that I could write a love letter to all my coworkers (except Paul and Jonas) and seal it with a kiss. And not have that be weird or presumptuous. Because I really, truly, love every single one of them more than I ever thought was possible.
14. Jonas is transferring from my store and I am wrought with both an uncontrollable, guttural guilty regret and the most enormous, blissful relief that sometimes all I can do is cry.
15. I miss my friend Steve Weed from home so much. He’s amazing and might possibly be my only truly perfect, platonic love of my life. I want to hug him, but that’s not what we do, so it’d be more like a sly sideways glance and clever aside to only me. I want him to move to Boston.
16. Ditto about Jon Tee. I think I am flying to LA this fall to see him, and I cannot wait because he reminds me that life is fun.
17. My former best friend from elementary school went to Tulane and the onther day my mother called her dad to see if she was ok. He seemed surprised she called, like he assumed that just because Amanda and I had grown up and never spoke anymore, that I would forget about her. He was grateful though, and she’s ok and everything. But I learned that my mom is one of the most amazing people I know that she would think to call, and that I hope I take after her.
18. This summer I took a big leap in decided to be on my own, and it must have been a good thing, because I cannot remember myself 4 months ago at all. Its kind of scary.
19. I want to have a dinner party. Let me know if anyone would be down.
20. I can’t wait until Brokebach Mountain comes out, because its going to be all kinds of hot and amazing.
tag:
1. travoltasunit
2. drummersam
3. glitternympho
4. bienatole
5. aoiikate
6. rachelevil
7. ponte