(no subject)
It isn't all about me.
If I have learned one thing this week, it is how much I appreciate the small things. It is that I would rather see someone else happy than get what I want. I wanted something this week and when I learned someone else had it, I couldn't have been more happy. This person deserved it much more than I did. This person is amazing and wonderful. I dont have it as bad as I make it. I complain but I am lucky. I am surrounded by so many amazing and wonderful people that I sometimes take advantage of. I dont always talk as much as I should or try to make people feel as happy as they make me feel but its hard. I dont know how to express my emotions at all. I never have. If I had one wish, it would be that I could just get out what I want to say and have someone understand. I wish I could hug people so they knew how much I loved them. I wish I could be happy. I wish I could be sad and not cover it up. I wish I could actually show anger instead of faking happiness. I wish I could yell. I wish I could love.
When I cry, I cry alone. I sit in my room and read papers and listen to words of songs. There are things in my heart that hurt me so much the thought makes me cry. There are thoughts that make me so happy I want to cry. I cannot share these thoughts with anyone. I dont WANT to hide them, but I have to. Sometimes I write things down but I still hurt. I still wait, and I still anticipate.
I am learning how to put these things aside. I am learning to give others a chance at learning who I am and being happy themselves. I would love nothing more than to see everyone I know be the happiest people alive. It means a lot to me to see someone smile. I want to be everyones friend. I want people to love me. I want to be loved.
If I have learned one thing this week, it is how much I appreciate the small things. It is that I would rather see someone else happy than get what I want. I wanted something this week and when I learned someone else had it, I couldn't have been more happy. This person deserved it much more than I did. This person is amazing and wonderful. I dont have it as bad as I make it. I complain but I am lucky. I am surrounded by so many amazing and wonderful people that I sometimes take advantage of. I dont always talk as much as I should or try to make people feel as happy as they make me feel but its hard. I dont know how to express my emotions at all. I never have. If I had one wish, it would be that I could just get out what I want to say and have someone understand. I wish I could hug people so they knew how much I loved them. I wish I could be happy. I wish I could be sad and not cover it up. I wish I could actually show anger instead of faking happiness. I wish I could yell. I wish I could love.
When I cry, I cry alone. I sit in my room and read papers and listen to words of songs. There are things in my heart that hurt me so much the thought makes me cry. There are thoughts that make me so happy I want to cry. I cannot share these thoughts with anyone. I dont WANT to hide them, but I have to. Sometimes I write things down but I still hurt. I still wait, and I still anticipate.
I am learning how to put these things aside. I am learning to give others a chance at learning who I am and being happy themselves. I would love nothing more than to see everyone I know be the happiest people alive. It means a lot to me to see someone smile. I want to be everyones friend. I want people to love me. I want to be loved.