John always did tell me I was a robot...
Cyborg (noun):
1. A person whose physiological functioning is aided by or dependent upon a mechanical or electronic device.
2. Cybernetic organism
3. A bionic human
I have this one massive zit doing it's thing on my chin. It's been welling up underneath for two days and this morning it was red. I call it my pump zit, since it's grown along with my pump anxiety over the last couple days.
Today was the day I've been waiting almost seven months for. It's pretty crazy. On the one hand, it's nice not having to inject myself 4-10+ times a day. I'm excited for poking less holes in myself. I just have to push a few buttons. And it'll give me a lot for freedom to do what I want when I want. If I want to go for a run, I can just change my basal rate or even take the pump off and then go run, I won't need to make sure I eat so many carbs before I do any physical activity. So there's more freedom in that way.
But on the other hand, it looks kind of like a ball and chain to me. Stuck to me all the time. I'll disconnect it to shower or swim, but that's pretty much it. I'm not looking forward to sleeping with it.
The thing with needles is, I can throw them in my bag or the counter and still pass as normal. But not so with the pump. I can't just throw it on the counter and not think about it. Firstly, it's way more visible to everybody else. Secondly, and more importantly, it's way more visible to me. On me all the time- I can see and and feel it, and I don't like having that constant reminder that my body fails at life.
So those are my two hands. I don't know which one outweighs the other. It'll be better next week when I get my continous glucose monitoring sensor thing going, even though that'll be a second thing inserted into my tummy all the time. It'll be good. I was disappointed that they wouldn't do that today, but they want me to get familiar with the pump first so they don't overload me with too much information.
Now I have to follow this blood sugar checking schedule and fill in this handout and then call Joanne (my hookup at Gritman) every day with my results so we can adjust my basal rate. For the next few days, I'm not allowed to eat breakfast. Gotta skip the meals so we can set the basal so that I won't go low if I were to skip breakfast because I was late to class one day or the like. Then once we get my overnight basal all set, then I get to skip lunch for 4ish days. And then after that, I just can't wait to not eat dinner! It kind of sucks. I wish bodies weren't so complicated.
The last few nights I've been having a terrible time getting to sleep. My brain has just been way too ON. So last night as I was laying there, I thought that if the going to sleep thing was getting me nowhere, then I'd might as well be productive and pray. So I got going, and then I was going to thank God for the pump, but I couldn't. I tried. I started. But I couldn't finish. I know I should be thankful because it's going to make my life a lot easier even though I hate that it's so attached to me, but right now I simply cannot make myself be thankful for it. It's a problem. But hey, bitterness is my middle name (Marie=bitterness- thanks mom!).
So yeah. I'm sure I'll get used to it soon enough and it won't seem like such a big deal. But for now I just need some time to whine and complain and moan and vent and eat ice cream and feel sorry for myself. I'll probably snap out of it in a few days or less.
1. A person whose physiological functioning is aided by or dependent upon a mechanical or electronic device.
2. Cybernetic organism
3. A bionic human
I have this one massive zit doing it's thing on my chin. It's been welling up underneath for two days and this morning it was red. I call it my pump zit, since it's grown along with my pump anxiety over the last couple days.
Today was the day I've been waiting almost seven months for. It's pretty crazy. On the one hand, it's nice not having to inject myself 4-10+ times a day. I'm excited for poking less holes in myself. I just have to push a few buttons. And it'll give me a lot for freedom to do what I want when I want. If I want to go for a run, I can just change my basal rate or even take the pump off and then go run, I won't need to make sure I eat so many carbs before I do any physical activity. So there's more freedom in that way.
But on the other hand, it looks kind of like a ball and chain to me. Stuck to me all the time. I'll disconnect it to shower or swim, but that's pretty much it. I'm not looking forward to sleeping with it.
The thing with needles is, I can throw them in my bag or the counter and still pass as normal. But not so with the pump. I can't just throw it on the counter and not think about it. Firstly, it's way more visible to everybody else. Secondly, and more importantly, it's way more visible to me. On me all the time- I can see and and feel it, and I don't like having that constant reminder that my body fails at life.
So those are my two hands. I don't know which one outweighs the other. It'll be better next week when I get my continous glucose monitoring sensor thing going, even though that'll be a second thing inserted into my tummy all the time. It'll be good. I was disappointed that they wouldn't do that today, but they want me to get familiar with the pump first so they don't overload me with too much information.
Now I have to follow this blood sugar checking schedule and fill in this handout and then call Joanne (my hookup at Gritman) every day with my results so we can adjust my basal rate. For the next few days, I'm not allowed to eat breakfast. Gotta skip the meals so we can set the basal so that I won't go low if I were to skip breakfast because I was late to class one day or the like. Then once we get my overnight basal all set, then I get to skip lunch for 4ish days. And then after that, I just can't wait to not eat dinner! It kind of sucks. I wish bodies weren't so complicated.
The last few nights I've been having a terrible time getting to sleep. My brain has just been way too ON. So last night as I was laying there, I thought that if the going to sleep thing was getting me nowhere, then I'd might as well be productive and pray. So I got going, and then I was going to thank God for the pump, but I couldn't. I tried. I started. But I couldn't finish. I know I should be thankful because it's going to make my life a lot easier even though I hate that it's so attached to me, but right now I simply cannot make myself be thankful for it. It's a problem. But hey, bitterness is my middle name (Marie=bitterness- thanks mom!).
So yeah. I'm sure I'll get used to it soon enough and it won't seem like such a big deal. But for now I just need some time to whine and complain and moan and vent and eat ice cream and feel sorry for myself. I'll probably snap out of it in a few days or less.