Dear Diary~ [Page 28 - Junsu]
[Page 28 - Junsu] I scream for ice cream. You scream for Yoosu! <3
Dear Diary,
I’m in love with Yoochun.
It took me a long time to figure it out, Diary.
I was so confused. I mean, he’s my best friend and his confession would’ve been stressful even if he was a girl. (Him looking like a girl when he let’s his hair grow out does not count.)
But he’s a guy.
Jaejoong and Yunho, and then Jaejoong and Changmin, and Hyukjae and Donghae are all okay. They’re my friends I have no problem with their personal choices. (Actually, something in me wants to suspect Leeteuk and Kangin…) But I just never expected…me to have to make that choice.
He did it while everyone was out. Changmin at the university, Yunho visiting his parents, Jaejoong…where ever.
I was reading the latest edition of One Piece in the living room when he came in. At first I thought he was sick. He just stood on one side of the room staring at me read my comic on the couch.
I didn’t know what was up with him, but he’s my friend, so of course I put the book down and went over to give him a hug. It was then that he whispered in my ear,
“I love you.”
I admit, Diary. I didn’t say anything. For a long time, I just stood there, still hugging him, but I didn’t know why anymore. He wasn’t laughing. He always laughs, but he wasn’t laughing. That’s what threw me off. And when I pulled back and looked at his face, he looked so desperate.
I got scared.
Then I kind of blacked out. So many thoughts just flooded my brain, so I shut down, walked out and locked myself in my room. It didn’t even occur to me how cruel I was until the next day when I finally left my room for breakfast and saw him in the kitchen with a full, cold plate in front of him and no smile.
He always smiles. That scared me even more.
I suck. I’m just really bad in situations like that. Like that one time that girl gave me a bunch of flowers in front of all my friends while we were playing soccer. I freaked out. It didn’t make it any better when I found out from her angry friends that she went in Old Man Soo Man’s yard to pick them just for me. Scary guy… But anyway, I told her to go away and she cried and that’s the end.
Aish. I was seven. Give me a break.
Hah… At least it’s better than when that girl stole Jaejoong’s first kiss when he was little.
Oh yeah, about him…
We were drunk, Diary.
I was still in a daze from Yoochun’s confession and after a while, Jaejoong told me I needed to loosen up. Everyone knows what Jaejoong means when he says “loosen up.” And everyone knows that I can’t hold my liquor, but he insisted.
I know, bad judgment on my part in the first place, but… Gah! How could I think straight?! I was suffering from post-traumatic syndrome or something! I was really just looking for an escape…and Yunho killed the TV, so I couldn’t pour all my woes into watching X-Man! I missed the entire World Cup… Grrrr…
So that night, he bought about a billion bottles of soju and we got wasted in the kitchen.
…
How did that conversation go?
Aish! This is also why I never drink!
Ummmm…
I’ll just come back to it later…
So, then he kissed me. And I let him.
Why am I blushing now?!?!!? Ugh, he tasted like alcohol…
Anyway, it was such a blur, I didn’t know what was going on. At first I thought that weird feeling on my tongue was just the effects of getting drunk. And then I realized that was Jaejoong’s tongue, not mine.
…I’m shuddering just thinking of it. I think I’ll get off that subject for now, Diary.
Anyway, Yoochun is…is… (I never thought I’d have to write this…) really good.
I mean good as in nice and kind and sweet and playful and attentive and fun and sensitive and good in bed.
Yeah, yeah, Diary. I’ve fallen hard. But so what?? You don’t have anyone to love. You’re just a notebook. Don’t judge me!
…I’m sorry, Diary… Still friends?
Oh, and about that last little detail… It happened kinda fast. Heh. We know each other so well and for so long, it was almost like we were already married, so we figured…why not?
Hmmmm. I feel like I’m skipping a detail here…
Oh yeah! How I even realized I was in love with Yoochun.
Some time after Yoochun had thrown a book at Jaejoong while he was just sitting in the kitchen eating a bowl of rice by himself, I ran into him in the hallway.
I guess my eyes looked red and bloodshot because he got really concerned. Yeah, I was crying again. All the emotions were just overwhelming me. Confusion with Yoochun. Depression when Yunho and Changmin would mope around the house. Hatred with Jaejoong for ruining everything.
So, Yoochun took me to his room to talk to me. It must have taken a lot of courage because he looked so nervous and he wouldn’t look me in the eye.
He kept asking me questions like was I okay and did I need him to do anything for me, but I couldn’t speak. Actually, I don’t think I said one word that entire week. But eventually, he got all frustrated and just sat down at the keyboard in his room and started playing.
It was beautiful.
I honestly thought I was floating on air while he played the entire piece. Maybe that’s how I ended up sitting on the bench right next to him.
When he finished, he just stared at the keys and let tears fall down. After a long time of silence, he said, “I wrote it. It’s called I’m Sorry.”
I think it was then that I realized how much he cared about me. How much I cared about him.
So, I kissed him.
I was really surprised at how weird it didn’t feel. So I did it again. And again.
So, then after a long time of doing that, Yoochun smiled (finally!) and just giggled a bit and lingered around my neck as if he were breathing me in. Ah, he does that sometimes. He does it more now.
Everything just lifted after that. All the bad stuff between us. And soon we were just joking around again like in normal days. Only, Yoochun would touch me more and we’d stop to kiss for a while.
Eventually, he said… Aish. He’s such a perv, but I think he said something like, “I just want to do some horrible things to your kamo butt right now.”
…I’m not blushing right now...
So, anyway, I knew what he wanted. And we’ve been friends for so long and we know each other so well that I think we figured, hey. Why not? Even though we’d only been together for about thirty minutes… But technically, we were practically married already. Married people do stuff…
Ha. It’s kinda funny now that I think about it. I ran from the room and told him to catch me, which of course, he did. Somehow we ended up in the laundry room and…it got a bit out of hand. The vibrations from the dryer kind of turned us on, I guess and no one could hear us-or me to be more specific.
Although I did think I saw Changmin walk into the laundry room earlier, but I didn’t see him come out. I wonder…
Nah.
Aha! I just remembered what Jaejoong said right before he kissed me. It was so slurred, I don’t see how I understood his Korean. He said, “You’ve been too stressed out lately. You know what makes you feel good? This.”
Yeah.
So, me and Yoochun have been inseparable these days. Together when we’re eating cereal in the mornings and blatantly ignoring the food Jaejoong always has set out for us. Together in the park while Jaejoong cleans up the mess in the bathroom Changmin “accidentally” made. Together playing games on the computer while Yunho stares out the window instead of working out. Together in my room at night while Jaejoong sleeps on the rocks we put in his pillowcase.
Together is what we should be.
And besides the way he keeps sniffing me, I discovered all the things my Chun has always liked about me, but was too scared to say. He likes the shape of my eyes. And the way my hands feel. And how I randomly shout out loud when I think of something important. And my weird voice. And my weird laugh. And how curvy my butt looks in jeans. And how good my butt looks in the shower. And how nice my butt feels in his hands. And-
Wait…does this mean that Yoochun’s the one that was grabbing my butt?!?!!
~Chun's Su
Turn the page~ Page 27 - Changmin || Page 29 - Jaejoong