I WANT TO BE PATIENT
Someone, anyone, please give me the ability to be happy while being patient. I'm happy but worried that justin will not come around. I am beyond hoping at this point that he will come around because my heart has become full for him. Even after speaking to dillon my heart is full of feelings for justin. AHHHHHH. I understand he's scared, i'm scared too, we have been friends for 4 years, good friends and I don't want to fuck that up, but at this point the feelings have already developed and you can't reverse this process. I know he was hurt by things that have happened in his past, and that obviously has affected him, but i won't hurt him, not after being friends for 4 years, its a big risk for me too. I'm just as scared, cause i haven't felt this way, and this is so different from anything i've ever felt. The signs are all there, and friends don't act like this. There are definite feelings on his side too, and I know he's just scared, or at least I think he is. I just want him to not give up because I feel like running away from things never solves anything and running away from this opportunity is not going to make him or I happy. I love what we have right now- I love the fact that I can sleep next to him, cuddled up and nothing happens except being close, and feeling the beating of his heart. I love feeling that, and I love just talking softly in bed. I love sleeping till 4:30 in the afternoon on a sunday, and I love watching silly movies like Dick Tracy. Just being around him fufills so much, but I want a bit more, I want the physical relationship to develop a bit more. The one time it happened, was amazing and thats what scared us both, it wasn't the right time, and I know that. He is terrified, I know it, just the way things have gone he's scared and I'm not going to give up. I think it might take a lot of time, but I think its so worth it. I know I will see him again, and I know he's thinking about this too. I know he's thinking a lot. If anyone has advice on how to keep myself occupied so I don't go mad, please let me know. If anyone has advice on how not to completely cave in, it would be appreciated, and if anyone knows how to balance this all, PLEASE TELL ME, I want him to come around, and I think with the right mind set he will. I think with the right amount of effort he will come around, and with the right time he will too. I HOPE I HOPE I HOPE I HOPE I HOPE... Someone tell me how to gain patience, cause I really need that right now!!!! I'm fuckin horny as hell.... damn it!!!! And all I want is justin!