whatever wisdom I have about life is here
Dear everyone:
1. Please stop being offended, shocked, and/or traumatized by people who look different, who come from other cultures, or who have different behaviors, beliefs, religions, customs, and sexual preferences. Stop it NOW. What you are doing is being xenophobic, no matter which brand of it you happen to prefer.
2. You will, from time to time, be challenged by some aspect of dealing with other humans. They may question your beliefs and your practices; you may question theirs, and both of you may question yourselves. This is a GOOD THING, provided that neither of you are pricks about doing so. You see, the world, the human race, contains a large number of people who are not you, and whose way of life has served them reasonably well up until they encountered people with other ideas. Here is a clue for those of you who need it: If your faith or culture or belief can't stand being questioned, IT IS NOT WORTH KEEPING. And furthermore, you are a coward for fearing such challenges.
3. The single most useful trait when dealing with people who are unlike you is this: be polite. Seriously. Just be polite. Most of that involves being patient, refusing to take offense, and extending basic kindnesses. These are not useless manners involving which fork to use, but rather social lubricant -- they allow us a moment of reflection and the assumption of no ill intent until it is proved.
4. Unless you are developmentally disabled, mentally ill, or a deliberate sociopath, learn some fucking empathy. It takes VERY little imagination to understand how your actions might be perceived by others -- only the very stupid or disturbed are unable to do so. Many of you, however, are clearly too lazy to think about how your actions affect others. That is no excuse. If you're not willing to be locked up for public safety, stop acting like you're the only thing that matters; you are very clearly outnumbered by everyone else in the world.
5. Most people understand the desire to provide a wonderful life for our children. But for everyone's sake -- most especially for the sake of your kids -- do NOT attempt to shield them from every possible hazard or challenge.
Instead, challenge them. Expose them to other ideas, even ones you personally disagree with. Make them face the consequences of their bad behavior, and allow them to enjoy the fruits of good behavior.
Do not fear their anger too much, nor court their affection too much -- children will respond to you following the example that you set for them. You will get frustrated with each other, and there will be times when they hate you. The anger will burn out, but the lessons will remain. Be a PARENT first, and a FRIEND second -- this isn't a popularity contest, and you aren't campaigning for the job. You have it for life.
For goodness' sake, SET LIMITS, SET AN EXAMPLE, and IMPOSE DISCIPLINE. These are children -- they aren't your equals (unless you're completely fucked up). They aren't rational, they aren't reasonable; they must be trained to become rational and reasonable, and that is YOUR job. They aren't equipped to make important choices on their own, mostly because they have no experience and no knowledge.
Stop trying to change everyone else to suit the whims of your underdeveloped progeny -- otherwise they'll never learn to find their own inner strength, how to wage their own battles, how to recover from loss, or how to deal with disappointment.
Stop trying to spare them every possible negative experience, and instead help them learn how to cope with the crap that life will throw at them. Because if you don't, you have FAILED as a parent.
And if you haven't learned these skills yourself, LEARN THEM before you have a child. The world has enough shit to deal with without adding your broken offspring to the list.
Here is a newsflash for you: you will not always be around to wipe your kid's nose, cut his steak, do his laundry, smooth over disputes with authority, bail him out, pay his bills, and in general manage his life for him. The reason you make your kid do chores is that they need doing, and he will learn by doing -- not because you hate to clean the toilet. By no means should you treat your kid like an indentured servant (and curse you lazy bastards that do this), but where else will he learn how to take care of himself? Where BETTER than under your eye?
Eventually, YOU will need taking care of -- and if you fail to teach him life skills, he won't have the skills to do it.
In short, it's fine to be a safety net for your kid; don't be a cage. Allow the freedom to make mistakes or your child will not LEARN.
6. If you are passionate about your beliefs, that can be a wonderful thing, provided you heed the warnings above. So rather than forcing your faith on others -- which pretty much has NEVER worked in all of human history -- instead concentrate on embodying the principles of that faith. Because the one thing that pisses people off most about those who profess to be ardent followers of a belief is hypocrisy. People can be remarkably understanding about human failings, but hypocrisy will damage your cause more than anything in the world.
If you believe it is morally wrong to eat meat, don't eat meat. If you believe sex outside of marriage is wrong or that homosexuality is a sin....don't practice either. If you don't believe in something, don't insult those who choose to believe. And if you DO believe in something, don't insult those who don't believe.
No matter what belief (or disbelief) you hold, understand that the actions of your fellow believers WILL reflect on you, and vice versa. If you are from a religion of peace, using violence makes you a hypocrite and a sinner, just as much as believing in forgiveness and tolerance means you shouldn't hold grudges or levy ultimatums.
If you want people to adopt (or even accept) your beliefs, you must set a worthy example; NOTHING else works.
7. All humans have the capacity to learn. There are sometimes fearsome obstacles to overcome, but the capability is there. Ignorance can be fixed. Stupidity is another story.
Anyone who refuses to correct their own ignorance is stupid.
Sincerely,
Jim
1. Please stop being offended, shocked, and/or traumatized by people who look different, who come from other cultures, or who have different behaviors, beliefs, religions, customs, and sexual preferences. Stop it NOW. What you are doing is being xenophobic, no matter which brand of it you happen to prefer.
2. You will, from time to time, be challenged by some aspect of dealing with other humans. They may question your beliefs and your practices; you may question theirs, and both of you may question yourselves. This is a GOOD THING, provided that neither of you are pricks about doing so. You see, the world, the human race, contains a large number of people who are not you, and whose way of life has served them reasonably well up until they encountered people with other ideas. Here is a clue for those of you who need it: If your faith or culture or belief can't stand being questioned, IT IS NOT WORTH KEEPING. And furthermore, you are a coward for fearing such challenges.
3. The single most useful trait when dealing with people who are unlike you is this: be polite. Seriously. Just be polite. Most of that involves being patient, refusing to take offense, and extending basic kindnesses. These are not useless manners involving which fork to use, but rather social lubricant -- they allow us a moment of reflection and the assumption of no ill intent until it is proved.
4. Unless you are developmentally disabled, mentally ill, or a deliberate sociopath, learn some fucking empathy. It takes VERY little imagination to understand how your actions might be perceived by others -- only the very stupid or disturbed are unable to do so. Many of you, however, are clearly too lazy to think about how your actions affect others. That is no excuse. If you're not willing to be locked up for public safety, stop acting like you're the only thing that matters; you are very clearly outnumbered by everyone else in the world.
5. Most people understand the desire to provide a wonderful life for our children. But for everyone's sake -- most especially for the sake of your kids -- do NOT attempt to shield them from every possible hazard or challenge.
Instead, challenge them. Expose them to other ideas, even ones you personally disagree with. Make them face the consequences of their bad behavior, and allow them to enjoy the fruits of good behavior.
Do not fear their anger too much, nor court their affection too much -- children will respond to you following the example that you set for them. You will get frustrated with each other, and there will be times when they hate you. The anger will burn out, but the lessons will remain. Be a PARENT first, and a FRIEND second -- this isn't a popularity contest, and you aren't campaigning for the job. You have it for life.
For goodness' sake, SET LIMITS, SET AN EXAMPLE, and IMPOSE DISCIPLINE. These are children -- they aren't your equals (unless you're completely fucked up). They aren't rational, they aren't reasonable; they must be trained to become rational and reasonable, and that is YOUR job. They aren't equipped to make important choices on their own, mostly because they have no experience and no knowledge.
Stop trying to change everyone else to suit the whims of your underdeveloped progeny -- otherwise they'll never learn to find their own inner strength, how to wage their own battles, how to recover from loss, or how to deal with disappointment.
Stop trying to spare them every possible negative experience, and instead help them learn how to cope with the crap that life will throw at them. Because if you don't, you have FAILED as a parent.
And if you haven't learned these skills yourself, LEARN THEM before you have a child. The world has enough shit to deal with without adding your broken offspring to the list.
Here is a newsflash for you: you will not always be around to wipe your kid's nose, cut his steak, do his laundry, smooth over disputes with authority, bail him out, pay his bills, and in general manage his life for him. The reason you make your kid do chores is that they need doing, and he will learn by doing -- not because you hate to clean the toilet. By no means should you treat your kid like an indentured servant (and curse you lazy bastards that do this), but where else will he learn how to take care of himself? Where BETTER than under your eye?
Eventually, YOU will need taking care of -- and if you fail to teach him life skills, he won't have the skills to do it.
In short, it's fine to be a safety net for your kid; don't be a cage. Allow the freedom to make mistakes or your child will not LEARN.
6. If you are passionate about your beliefs, that can be a wonderful thing, provided you heed the warnings above. So rather than forcing your faith on others -- which pretty much has NEVER worked in all of human history -- instead concentrate on embodying the principles of that faith. Because the one thing that pisses people off most about those who profess to be ardent followers of a belief is hypocrisy. People can be remarkably understanding about human failings, but hypocrisy will damage your cause more than anything in the world.
If you believe it is morally wrong to eat meat, don't eat meat. If you believe sex outside of marriage is wrong or that homosexuality is a sin....don't practice either. If you don't believe in something, don't insult those who choose to believe. And if you DO believe in something, don't insult those who don't believe.
No matter what belief (or disbelief) you hold, understand that the actions of your fellow believers WILL reflect on you, and vice versa. If you are from a religion of peace, using violence makes you a hypocrite and a sinner, just as much as believing in forgiveness and tolerance means you shouldn't hold grudges or levy ultimatums.
If you want people to adopt (or even accept) your beliefs, you must set a worthy example; NOTHING else works.
7. All humans have the capacity to learn. There are sometimes fearsome obstacles to overcome, but the capability is there. Ignorance can be fixed. Stupidity is another story.
Anyone who refuses to correct their own ignorance is stupid.
Sincerely,
Jim