(no subject)
well, my life is officially controlled by the she i told u guys about. she is sweet by saying she loves everyhting about me (so that i don't change anything about me like getting my hair done, contact lenses or anything) but well, i hate people controlling what i do. now, i can't even talk and be close to my other close friends. she'll just be mad and won't talk to me for the rest of the day. i didn't want to burden her with this problem and i want to let her be happy because she has a whole lot of problems already at home but sometimes this is too much.
i have to be what she wanted me to be and do things that'll make her happy that by the way make me feel VERY miserable inside. i can't be myself. and i hated that. but i can't do anything and i don't fucking know why i can't. ARGH.
maybe i'm just too nice by not telling her the truth that she's actually hurting me deep inside. maybe it's because i think thoroughly of the consequences if i do so. and i know it's not a happy ending so that's why i didn't do it. if i do that, she'll be alone and i don't want her to live alone. why do i always think about other people ahead of myself?????!! i get frustrated by that question because there's no answer.
and she wouldn't let me use my way of releasing the tension (and she doesn't even know why...i didn't want her to know). and that's the only way. so, i did it anyway and never let her know or see it.
am i doing the right thing?
and for the person i'm talking about : "if u're reading this or if u ever read this, i'm so sorry for not telling u...but i hope u'll understand. u told me to be honest and u'll accept it no matter what, so, this is the truth."
my computer fucked up, that's why i didn't online since last week.
i have to be what she wanted me to be and do things that'll make her happy that by the way make me feel VERY miserable inside. i can't be myself. and i hated that. but i can't do anything and i don't fucking know why i can't. ARGH.
maybe i'm just too nice by not telling her the truth that she's actually hurting me deep inside. maybe it's because i think thoroughly of the consequences if i do so. and i know it's not a happy ending so that's why i didn't do it. if i do that, she'll be alone and i don't want her to live alone. why do i always think about other people ahead of myself?????!! i get frustrated by that question because there's no answer.
and she wouldn't let me use my way of releasing the tension (and she doesn't even know why...i didn't want her to know). and that's the only way. so, i did it anyway and never let her know or see it.
am i doing the right thing?
and for the person i'm talking about : "if u're reading this or if u ever read this, i'm so sorry for not telling u...but i hope u'll understand. u told me to be honest and u'll accept it no matter what, so, this is the truth."
my computer fucked up, that's why i didn't online since last week.