this goes out to you, kid.
when i look back on this school year, its been a year of loss. but where there's loss there's gain, right? from gym meet, to the morris's, to mr. manocheh. i've cried so many times this year but somehow its been such an incredible year. i think with loss come growth and boy have i grown.
i came in this year with what felt like nothing. i dont mean to insult the girls that have stuck by me through it all- brenna and christi. no matter who my "group" is they're always some of my best. but my friendships are all awesome, theyre amazing girls that will all be great people and im ecstatic that i get to see that happen. i put a good relationship on the rocks though, i've never been one that can trust and stick around for good. im committed to being uncommitted. at the same time, i dont want to trust, if that amkes sense. im looking for someone that after i know them for years ill trust them, someone that will doubt me just as much and eventually well see that really we're gonna screw up and probably hurt each other but at the end of the day the person we're fighting with is the one we want to kiss good night. or something. what i really want to write this about is courtney- wish me luck on keeping on topic but here goes:
this girl came into maryvale and one, she was unique- she. was. asian. she only non caucasian. im no racist but in totalwhitey land you cant overlook that. she wasnt just unique by looks, she had her own thoughts, own views, commentary, jokes, she talked in class and when she was anything but happy she'd let you know. i've always liked her, kind of been initimidated but just cared. when i saw her crying i always wanted to sit down and cry with her but it usually wasnt my place. she's been through a lot, i cant say what but just enough that im aware of it. this past year she really became someone special to me. i dont want to say i started to pay attention because you cant not pay attention to her, she's THAT fabulous. but i started seeing her in a different light. she's always been smart, but she became wise. and she's always been nice, but she became gentil. always strong, but became a warrior. always mysterious, became deep. listening to her in religion and seeing her reaction whether it was HUGE AND LOUD or just the slightest change in her facial expression was so interestting. ill never be like her, for better or worse. but ill always see her as something, someone that has it all in the most desperate of time. a smile when she's sad, and a will to swim against the tide. i dont know if she'll ever understand how i see her or if she'll ever read this but it's important to put this out into the world. i found she's leaving and im really sad. i dont know if ill get to see her ever again. how many times have i seen rachel? or marlee? zero and one, respectively. i watched the morris's move away. i watched mr. morris literally get in his car and drive to north carolina. out of the parking cape and wilde lake and drive down the road. the first .1 mile of a totally new chapter. ive gotten a good long time with courtney but its like watching one of us graduate before the rest. like one prick of the heartbreak ill experience at the end of the year. i hope shes so happy and i wish the absolute best for her. i love her and no matter how much i complain i love 2007. i love maryvale and i will miss this a year from now.
i came in this year with what felt like nothing. i dont mean to insult the girls that have stuck by me through it all- brenna and christi. no matter who my "group" is they're always some of my best. but my friendships are all awesome, theyre amazing girls that will all be great people and im ecstatic that i get to see that happen. i put a good relationship on the rocks though, i've never been one that can trust and stick around for good. im committed to being uncommitted. at the same time, i dont want to trust, if that amkes sense. im looking for someone that after i know them for years ill trust them, someone that will doubt me just as much and eventually well see that really we're gonna screw up and probably hurt each other but at the end of the day the person we're fighting with is the one we want to kiss good night. or something. what i really want to write this about is courtney- wish me luck on keeping on topic but here goes:
this girl came into maryvale and one, she was unique- she. was. asian. she only non caucasian. im no racist but in totalwhitey land you cant overlook that. she wasnt just unique by looks, she had her own thoughts, own views, commentary, jokes, she talked in class and when she was anything but happy she'd let you know. i've always liked her, kind of been initimidated but just cared. when i saw her crying i always wanted to sit down and cry with her but it usually wasnt my place. she's been through a lot, i cant say what but just enough that im aware of it. this past year she really became someone special to me. i dont want to say i started to pay attention because you cant not pay attention to her, she's THAT fabulous. but i started seeing her in a different light. she's always been smart, but she became wise. and she's always been nice, but she became gentil. always strong, but became a warrior. always mysterious, became deep. listening to her in religion and seeing her reaction whether it was HUGE AND LOUD or just the slightest change in her facial expression was so interestting. ill never be like her, for better or worse. but ill always see her as something, someone that has it all in the most desperate of time. a smile when she's sad, and a will to swim against the tide. i dont know if she'll ever understand how i see her or if she'll ever read this but it's important to put this out into the world. i found she's leaving and im really sad. i dont know if ill get to see her ever again. how many times have i seen rachel? or marlee? zero and one, respectively. i watched the morris's move away. i watched mr. morris literally get in his car and drive to north carolina. out of the parking cape and wilde lake and drive down the road. the first .1 mile of a totally new chapter. ive gotten a good long time with courtney but its like watching one of us graduate before the rest. like one prick of the heartbreak ill experience at the end of the year. i hope shes so happy and i wish the absolute best for her. i love her and no matter how much i complain i love 2007. i love maryvale and i will miss this a year from now.