Damn its been a long time
I just feel like crawling into a corner and dying. I don't know what my huge problem is right now. I'm just stressed out to be stressed out right now. I am completely FUCKED in all of my classes right now and I'm probably going to get the worst grades I've ever had in my life. The worst part about the story is that I did it all to myself. I don't understand why I wouldn't go to class. It’s not like I was doing anything important with life so that I didn't go. I missed 2 midterms this quarter and they have make ups on Thursday. Problem: I've only been to like 4 classes total all year and have NEVER opened the book to read it. I have NO CLUE how to even prepare for this and I have the test at 7pm tomorrow. ::applause:: So what am I don't right now as I face all three tests for the class, oh which by the way account for my ENTIRE grade? ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING!! I'm sitting here typing on livejournal of all things in the world and I STILL can't make myself open a book. I just don't get it. How can I recognize the problem, know its destructive and still do it anyway. I can't control it. I feel like I'm going fucking nuts. Oh not to mention the fact that I have an oral presentation in Chinese tomorrow and BusMgt 330 class to attend. . .
Solution? (as if there as one) I think I'm just gonna go ahead and take off winter quarter. I know that I would be able to get the best grades then, but at this point I'm not sure what I'm capable of anymore. Maybe if I just spend that time and relax, just work and live, I'll be better. Maybe I just need time for my mind to regroup to face the rest of my colligate career, because right now I'm not sure if I can stand another day.
What is my problem though? I just don't think that I understand me anymore. I don't know what I want of anything. I have no more goals, no dreams, no aspirations... No reason to get out of bed every morning and I don't know how it happened. What could make a person so unhappy for no reason? I mean I'm a pretty good guy I'd like to think. I'm tall, cute, smart, can speak more than one language. But I just don't know what I want out of life anymore. I need direction and focus backed with a revitalized sense of drive and determination. All of which I've lost.
I know my options. School is the only one that makes any form of sense so I can't drop out but right now I don't know how I can continue. What? Would I work at the bank for the rest of my life and make 40,000 a year? No education = No future.
I don't even know if my majors fit me. I mean am I reallllly the type for business? I'm not even sure if I could hack any of it. Aren't people supposed to ENJOY going to there major classes? I sure don't.
Ok I'm done for right now.. Hopefully the heavens will part and someone will smack the sense into me.
Solution? (as if there as one) I think I'm just gonna go ahead and take off winter quarter. I know that I would be able to get the best grades then, but at this point I'm not sure what I'm capable of anymore. Maybe if I just spend that time and relax, just work and live, I'll be better. Maybe I just need time for my mind to regroup to face the rest of my colligate career, because right now I'm not sure if I can stand another day.
What is my problem though? I just don't think that I understand me anymore. I don't know what I want of anything. I have no more goals, no dreams, no aspirations... No reason to get out of bed every morning and I don't know how it happened. What could make a person so unhappy for no reason? I mean I'm a pretty good guy I'd like to think. I'm tall, cute, smart, can speak more than one language. But I just don't know what I want out of life anymore. I need direction and focus backed with a revitalized sense of drive and determination. All of which I've lost.
I know my options. School is the only one that makes any form of sense so I can't drop out but right now I don't know how I can continue. What? Would I work at the bank for the rest of my life and make 40,000 a year? No education = No future.
I don't even know if my majors fit me. I mean am I reallllly the type for business? I'm not even sure if I could hack any of it. Aren't people supposed to ENJOY going to there major classes? I sure don't.
Ok I'm done for right now.. Hopefully the heavens will part and someone will smack the sense into me.