(no subject)
Reading over old journal entries is so eye-opening.
I see how depressed I was. Genuinely. I was suffering from depression. And as much as I beat myself up about it, I see now this was a legitimate thing and that I was absolutely valid in my feelings. Life was not good. It was as good as I could make it at the time, but overall not good.
I'm pleased to be writing here today and saying life is good again.
I enjoy my home, I've made new friends, I do not hate going to work every day and am pretty good at what I do even though it irritates the shit out of me sometimes.
I am still single. I am still lonely sometimes. But that's okay! There are plenty of things to be grateful for - things I may not have if I were in a relationship. I cherish my time by myself where I can do whatever I feel like doing. No compromise is needed.
I know my Secret Agent Lover Man is out there, and he is taking his time getting to me. That's alright. I didn't want kids, anyway. Take your time, sweetheart. I'll enjoy myself in the meantime.
Working on myself still. I am a neverending home improvement project. Losing some weight, slowly but surely. Dating a bit here and there even though I still hate the process and the way society interacts with each other nowadays. Have discovered a few good kissers along the way. I go to the gym and go to happy hour with equal frequency. I'm writing a bit from time to time. Singing often. I'm back in a neighborhood where I'm comfortable taking walks and the ocean is only a few blocks away. I am working on my negative behaviors that have been instilled in me by people in my past. Trying not to apologize every time I have feelings or opinions. Trying to be more assertive and less shy. Hell, I've even gotten a bit more... wanton, I think is the polite way of putting it.
I'm learning to love myself and my life and to take whatever steps possible toward fixing the things that make me uncomfortable or unhappy.
Work in progress. So far so good.
I see how depressed I was. Genuinely. I was suffering from depression. And as much as I beat myself up about it, I see now this was a legitimate thing and that I was absolutely valid in my feelings. Life was not good. It was as good as I could make it at the time, but overall not good.
I'm pleased to be writing here today and saying life is good again.
I enjoy my home, I've made new friends, I do not hate going to work every day and am pretty good at what I do even though it irritates the shit out of me sometimes.
I am still single. I am still lonely sometimes. But that's okay! There are plenty of things to be grateful for - things I may not have if I were in a relationship. I cherish my time by myself where I can do whatever I feel like doing. No compromise is needed.
I know my Secret Agent Lover Man is out there, and he is taking his time getting to me. That's alright. I didn't want kids, anyway. Take your time, sweetheart. I'll enjoy myself in the meantime.
Working on myself still. I am a neverending home improvement project. Losing some weight, slowly but surely. Dating a bit here and there even though I still hate the process and the way society interacts with each other nowadays. Have discovered a few good kissers along the way. I go to the gym and go to happy hour with equal frequency. I'm writing a bit from time to time. Singing often. I'm back in a neighborhood where I'm comfortable taking walks and the ocean is only a few blocks away. I am working on my negative behaviors that have been instilled in me by people in my past. Trying not to apologize every time I have feelings or opinions. Trying to be more assertive and less shy. Hell, I've even gotten a bit more... wanton, I think is the polite way of putting it.
I'm learning to love myself and my life and to take whatever steps possible toward fixing the things that make me uncomfortable or unhappy.
Work in progress. So far so good.