(no subject)
I am finding in all things it is easier to just not allow yourself to care so much.
I read over these posts of mine and realize how bitter and sad they sound.
I'm not sure what to change in order to feel differently. I love a few people fiercely and the fire eventually catches and burns everything up.
Maybe these epic and intense relationships with people I read about and long for just don't really exist. Maybe people like each other just enough to remain involved with one another and that's it.
Maybe that's the key. Realizing my idea of a happy life is more akin to Santa Claus than an actuality.
But I am aflame. I am different. I want to love someone with everything I am, I want to have another friendship where I can turn to that person no matter what and where I never doubt they feel the same. Where I am not abandoned for a romantic relationship. Where I am not the last resort hang out, or a convenience friend.
Everything is so complicated when you grow up. I wish I could be wild and free like I was when I was a kid. Loving everything, everyone, and myself.
But you can't go back. You can only steel yourself, and move forward.
I'm tired of the struggle. But I'll keep going.
I read over these posts of mine and realize how bitter and sad they sound.
I'm not sure what to change in order to feel differently. I love a few people fiercely and the fire eventually catches and burns everything up.
Maybe these epic and intense relationships with people I read about and long for just don't really exist. Maybe people like each other just enough to remain involved with one another and that's it.
Maybe that's the key. Realizing my idea of a happy life is more akin to Santa Claus than an actuality.
But I am aflame. I am different. I want to love someone with everything I am, I want to have another friendship where I can turn to that person no matter what and where I never doubt they feel the same. Where I am not abandoned for a romantic relationship. Where I am not the last resort hang out, or a convenience friend.
Everything is so complicated when you grow up. I wish I could be wild and free like I was when I was a kid. Loving everything, everyone, and myself.
But you can't go back. You can only steel yourself, and move forward.
I'm tired of the struggle. But I'll keep going.