oh boy
Dear lj,
I feel so fucking ridiculous right about now. I was initially invited to my friend Chrissy's 22nd birthday dinner. I bought her a mom's apple pie caramel apple from my store. When I got home around 5:30 PM and asked my dad if he could take me to her house in Highland Town (sp?) he refused to drive into the city, complaining about the area and his tiredness. Things got weirder when Jason stopped by to deliver a note to me. He ended up staying for a few hours (until 8:30 PM). My dad wasn't really into that. Since we broke up, my dad finds it odd that we started talking again. He doesn't like it when we have boys in the house anyway. So of course I'll get the third degree about that later. My dad's just been a butt to me lately, telling me to shut up when I want to ask him a question or bring up something serious. Maybe he's just stressed out from work. I don't know. All I know is, I ended up not being able to attend Chrissy's party, and I felt so awkward about J coming over and all that, that I gave in to my urges and stuffed my emotions with food. I absolutely HATE it when I do that. It makes me feel fat and guilty. Plus, what I ate was that caramel apple. It wasn't mine. It was her present! lol I'm such a pathetic fat lard. I hate myself sometimes. Especially because I had just worked so hard to lose the first five pounds. I'm down to 120. Ugh, I wish I was able to suppress my urges to binge. Whenever I give in and eat a lot or something bad for me that I know I shouldn't eat, I eat a lot of it and I end up starving myself and overexercising or using some form of diet pill or laxative to purge. Though I'd never force myself to throw up. I think that's really uncomfortable, and I rather keep my teeth. I just need to get the fuck out.
I feel so fucking ridiculous right about now. I was initially invited to my friend Chrissy's 22nd birthday dinner. I bought her a mom's apple pie caramel apple from my store. When I got home around 5:30 PM and asked my dad if he could take me to her house in Highland Town (sp?) he refused to drive into the city, complaining about the area and his tiredness. Things got weirder when Jason stopped by to deliver a note to me. He ended up staying for a few hours (until 8:30 PM). My dad wasn't really into that. Since we broke up, my dad finds it odd that we started talking again. He doesn't like it when we have boys in the house anyway. So of course I'll get the third degree about that later. My dad's just been a butt to me lately, telling me to shut up when I want to ask him a question or bring up something serious. Maybe he's just stressed out from work. I don't know. All I know is, I ended up not being able to attend Chrissy's party, and I felt so awkward about J coming over and all that, that I gave in to my urges and stuffed my emotions with food. I absolutely HATE it when I do that. It makes me feel fat and guilty. Plus, what I ate was that caramel apple. It wasn't mine. It was her present! lol I'm such a pathetic fat lard. I hate myself sometimes. Especially because I had just worked so hard to lose the first five pounds. I'm down to 120. Ugh, I wish I was able to suppress my urges to binge. Whenever I give in and eat a lot or something bad for me that I know I shouldn't eat, I eat a lot of it and I end up starving myself and overexercising or using some form of diet pill or laxative to purge. Though I'd never force myself to throw up. I think that's really uncomfortable, and I rather keep my teeth. I just need to get the fuck out.