Dude
Is it possible to delete a person from your life? I feel like it is. I mean I make friends with someone or go out with someone for a while... then boom! We aren't talking or seeing each other ever again. And it's like we never met in the first place. Except I still have all the memories of what we did together. I know deep down that I should make a move; at least call the person. But on the surface, I feel like that's out of bounds. Once I've crossed the line with someone, proving my humility and weakness, I want to hide and never come back. In that sense, I delete myself from their lives, more so than they delete me. Maybe I've mentioned this before, but I feel lonely. I might go out once in a while and have fun, but it is rare. For instance, I used to be very close with a group of Essex students, until I went ballistic and as a result, became a recluse. I completely stopped calling Ava. And we used to be very close friends. I seriously adored that girl. Then there was Juliana. She was such a positive role model for me. She was artistic, strong, opinionated, and educated. And I felt like we had a lot in common. Really, when I lost it and I was in the hospital, I thought I was her. I mean, ok, we don't look anything alike, she's bisexual, and she's a hippie. But a lot of our values overlapped, and she really amused me. It makes me sad that I just dropped friendships like those because of my personal insecurities.