mission accomplished
This morning I made myself pretty. Hair straightened, a bit of makeup, a flirty shirt that's a bit sheer in the right light (but still work-appropriate). My mission: charm a Genius into swapping me a free iPhone. $200 worth of charm, to be specific. I told my friends this, at work, and they cheered me on. I began to feel the pressure; what if I came back empty-handed?
Right after work I headed to the Apple Store. I strutted (I watched America's Next Top Model once) up to the nearest sales dude and checked in for my appointment. I waited, watching the guys at the Genius Bar. Tossing the hair, holding the posture, shoulders back, yada yada. One of the guys I knew from a previous Apple encounter; I remembered that he was friendly and we talked about Michigan because he recognized my area code. He would not be a problem.
The others would fail if I just leaned over the counter with some cleavage.
I smiled sweetly at a particularly shy-looking Genius. The optimal target, my mark. If it came to plan C, which is disappointed pouting, he would succumb to make me smile again.
I was ready.
I heard the sales dude call me by name. "You're up. Kristen's ready for you, right there."
Kristen. Abort, Captain? Nay, steady on. I greeted the only female Genius in the whole goddamn store.
"What can I help you with?" said Kristen, with her own charming smile.
I pouted, as planned, and showed her my iPhone. "Oh no," she said. "What happened?"
"It fell out of my lab coat pocket," I said. Not technically a lie; it has fallen out of my lab coat pocket before, but that's not what broke it. The point was to mention "lab coat." It also implies a certain "line of duty" aspect, rather than "I was jumping up and down in excitement over a thunderstorm, and it fell onto the concrete."
"Oh? What kind of lab?" The nerd took the bait.
"I'm a forensic scientist." Gotcha.
The traditional impressed squeal followed, but no mention of CSI. She gets down to business.
"Well, normally the warranty doesn't cover accidental damage, but I'm going to make a one-time exception for you."
I was honestly surprised. Whatever charm I had was powerless, she was just being... nice. I wish I could give people $600 gadgets when I felt like being nice. Kristen packed up my broken iPhone, reached into the Cabinet of Apple Party Favors, and gave me a brand new (well, refurbished) iPhone. That's it. Sign here, date here, thank you come again.
I thanked Kristen profusely, shaking her hand, gushing about what an Apple groupie I was and always had been, ever since I was a toddler and had an Apple II and later a Performa 575 and then a blueberry clamshell iBook- okay I'll go now.
So if anybody asks, it was all me, and I had the entire Genius Bar eating out of my hand and offering me free stuff and selling me their Apple stock for pennies.