on July

[justinius]

Well, now that Sarah's gone, I might as well make this post. This past month has been frustrating in that I've been trying to surprise her, but something would always come up. Ever since the fourth, I had planned on giving her a bouquet of either carnations and baby's breath (her favorite assortment) or orchids (the “sexiest” flowers) and chocolate. Around July 4, I had already purchased a giant Toblerone and just waited for the next time I would pick her up to buy the flowers and surprise her. Well, for quite some time she was busy and couldn't leave the house (at least with me). We would schedule something and it would end up having to be canceled and we would start over. Eventually we reached the time of my birthday. At this point I was determined, especially since it was my birthday (during which she probably didn't expect me giving her a gift), to present her with a nice bouquet and the chocolate as I picked her up. I was apprehensive of the party itself, but the thought of finally (hopefully) surprising Sarah quickly made me chipper. I had originally planned on purchasing the bouquet at Tipton Hurst, but because of a last minute change in planning, I didn't leave as early as I had planned, so I went to Kroger. While going inside I talked to her on my cell and was practically doing a jig while picking out the right bouquet while she was on the phone. She seemed to be happy which made me feel even more alive. And there it was: the perfect arrangement. I picked it up, headed toward the cashier, and asked her if she was almost ready. She said that she was running late and that Riley said that she could pick her up. I asked if there was any chance that I could still pick her up, even if she was a bit late, and she said that she was busy at the moment and that Riley was on the way. My heart sunk while I walked back to the florist, replaced the bouquet, and walked around toward the exit. That's when I ran into Lindsay for the first time in a while. She looked skinnier and paler than ever. She seemed so weak. I put on my happy face and eventually left the store to pick up Shawn and Noelle. After this happened, I decided to instead surprise her with a copy of the Half Blood Prince, especially when she was sick the day before it's release. On that day, we talked on the phone for hours, just watching TV, and trying to get her to feel better. I wished I could do more to help her... that I could be there to nurse her to health, but she assured me she would be fine and that she was just going to rest for the day. I enjoyed every second of that phone call, especially since I felt so bad for her. We talked of the release of the Half Blood Prince, which she was convinced had been already been released that morning at midnight, whereas I was quite sure that it would be released the next morning, so we made a wager. “If you're right, I'll buy you a copy” (so that she could read it while she was sick at home). We soon checked and I was right, so I told her that I'd get her a copy anyway. I wanted it to be a surprise, but I thought that she should know ahead of time so that she knew not to ask anyone else to buy it for her. The next morning, I stood in line for two hours to get two copies of the HBP. Later that morning, I met up with Sarah at her church to help paint the youth room and she told me that she bought a copy herself. I had brought the copy that I'd bought for her in my satchel along with the large Toblerone bar that I got for her earlier that month. Defeated, I gave her the Toblerone I had been trying to give her for all that time and have Josh a giant Hershey's bar for his birthday (which was the following day). I have more surprises that went utterly wrong to post later.
Before I go, I need to say something... lately there seems to be something missing. Perhaps it's because we've not done much of anything together all month, or maybe it's just me dealing with everything else that's been happening. I've wanted to talk to her about this feeling, but again, it just didn't work. Acutally there are many things I've needed to talk to her about... misunderstanings, my thoughts, her thoughts... several discussions that we've seem to have avoided. I made my schedule as clear as I possibly could, but somehow we havn't been able to really talk. My heart aches.

-Justin