Where do you go from here.
Memorial service yesterday i seemed to go numb, or maybe it was my tear ducts were out of tears. I found Gregory outside the church, he refused to go in, made up excuses. He asked me to hand some photos over to erics mom. and if i thought it appropriate, he then hands me a notebook, Eric's old psychology notebook/journal from 2002. Stephanie and I sat during the mass reading all the old hand written thoughts and words of Eric, some made us laugh, some made us sad. That journal showed the side of him that I knew very well, and not so much the side he shows to his male friends and other ladies.
Eric's mom kept tapping me on the shoulder when she talked to me and would say "I really need to talk to you" and as the day went along, more and more came out with that phrase, along with winks and small hints of a smile.
He left her a note Thursday night before he came over to my house "Hey mom, I got bored so i went to a friends house, I'll prolly stay the night" she didn't see the note til she was leaving for work in the morning and she had already been in his room to cover him with blankets. So atleast she got to see him 1 last time.
She has a lot of questions to ask me that she believes i will know the answers to. She knew how close we were, she knew about all our little fights throughout the years, and she knew how he felt about me. His father, Jim and Vicki both told me i still need to come by the house, Jim joked that i never stopped by, he'd only see me in my truck as Eric was hopping into the passenger seat. They told me I need to come by whenever i want to and visit with them, they also told me they would like me to help them go through his room and if there was anything i wanted, that i could have. I don't know what Eric was telling his mom and dad about me, but its apparent to me, that they were all good things. Vicki told me that her and Jim are going to get out of town for a couple of days but will be back before the weekend and she would like to take me to dinner.
There is so much going on in my head right now. Last night i talked to my old friend Troy for 2 hours straight on the phone. So much was in me and he just sat there listening and talking back to me. he just couldnt believe it all. he was supposed to meet the guy last weekend and now the guy is gone. I'm sitting here at work i keep rolling my stress ball/globe i got from that echo man that came in. thankfully no one is here yet this morning to see this side of me, i am just all spaced out thinking about everything that was said to me yesterday and everything that happened. I am okay now though. getting there slowly. only time can heal the heart. Thank you to everyone who has left me kind words.
Eric's mom kept tapping me on the shoulder when she talked to me and would say "I really need to talk to you" and as the day went along, more and more came out with that phrase, along with winks and small hints of a smile.
He left her a note Thursday night before he came over to my house "Hey mom, I got bored so i went to a friends house, I'll prolly stay the night" she didn't see the note til she was leaving for work in the morning and she had already been in his room to cover him with blankets. So atleast she got to see him 1 last time.
She has a lot of questions to ask me that she believes i will know the answers to. She knew how close we were, she knew about all our little fights throughout the years, and she knew how he felt about me. His father, Jim and Vicki both told me i still need to come by the house, Jim joked that i never stopped by, he'd only see me in my truck as Eric was hopping into the passenger seat. They told me I need to come by whenever i want to and visit with them, they also told me they would like me to help them go through his room and if there was anything i wanted, that i could have. I don't know what Eric was telling his mom and dad about me, but its apparent to me, that they were all good things. Vicki told me that her and Jim are going to get out of town for a couple of days but will be back before the weekend and she would like to take me to dinner.
There is so much going on in my head right now. Last night i talked to my old friend Troy for 2 hours straight on the phone. So much was in me and he just sat there listening and talking back to me. he just couldnt believe it all. he was supposed to meet the guy last weekend and now the guy is gone. I'm sitting here at work i keep rolling my stress ball/globe i got from that echo man that came in. thankfully no one is here yet this morning to see this side of me, i am just all spaced out thinking about everything that was said to me yesterday and everything that happened. I am okay now though. getting there slowly. only time can heal the heart. Thank you to everyone who has left me kind words.