For Once I Wish It Was a Joke
One minute he is lying in my bed holding me, talking about plans for the future and his fears and how we feel.
And 24 hours later i find out he's gone. not to the army like i feared, but really gone to a better place. i dont know how to feel. my bed smells like him. last thing i was talking to him about was how he couldnt sleep so he didnt want to keep me awake so he went home. we said goodbye, made plans for later on in the night to go on an adventure, we laughed, he smiled, and now he is gone. i was upset yesterday leaving work, in tears because he hadnt texted me back and it was like him standing me up, and now i know why. i dont know how to feel or what to say. i cant lay down and sleep, i need to just strip my bed down get the smell out. i want this to be a joke. im waiting fot the punchline. but its just getting more real every second.
I was most likely the last person to make contact with him. his mom found him when she came home from work between 3 and 4 in the afternoon. I dont have anything in me right now i dont want to breathe my heart just hurts. i dont know what to do at all. and crying doesnt do anything, just makes my eyes hurt and my jaw ache from all of this. my mom thinks i should go talk to his mom and maybe it will help me feel better, but it wont. his funeral arrangments are going to have to be held off. they are performning an autopsy to see what exactly happened.
what i have heard so far is when he got out of bed he must have fallen down while having a seizure and it broke his neck. he wanted to turn his life around and do something that mattered with his life, i was helping support him. he was here thursday night into the early hours of friday morning, he opened up to me about things, and we sat watching the movie Crash and i just wish i could go numb. i cant write anymore.
His memorial service will be Tuesday 10/16 at American Martyrs church in Manhattan Beach.
And 24 hours later i find out he's gone. not to the army like i feared, but really gone to a better place. i dont know how to feel. my bed smells like him. last thing i was talking to him about was how he couldnt sleep so he didnt want to keep me awake so he went home. we said goodbye, made plans for later on in the night to go on an adventure, we laughed, he smiled, and now he is gone. i was upset yesterday leaving work, in tears because he hadnt texted me back and it was like him standing me up, and now i know why. i dont know how to feel or what to say. i cant lay down and sleep, i need to just strip my bed down get the smell out. i want this to be a joke. im waiting fot the punchline. but its just getting more real every second.
I was most likely the last person to make contact with him. his mom found him when she came home from work between 3 and 4 in the afternoon. I dont have anything in me right now i dont want to breathe my heart just hurts. i dont know what to do at all. and crying doesnt do anything, just makes my eyes hurt and my jaw ache from all of this. my mom thinks i should go talk to his mom and maybe it will help me feel better, but it wont. his funeral arrangments are going to have to be held off. they are performning an autopsy to see what exactly happened.
what i have heard so far is when he got out of bed he must have fallen down while having a seizure and it broke his neck. he wanted to turn his life around and do something that mattered with his life, i was helping support him. he was here thursday night into the early hours of friday morning, he opened up to me about things, and we sat watching the movie Crash and i just wish i could go numb. i cant write anymore.
His memorial service will be Tuesday 10/16 at American Martyrs church in Manhattan Beach.