strange feelings
i haven't written in here in forever! well i will now. i'm at my dad's where i've been all weekend. i miss all my friends yet it is nice to get away from my mom for awhile. she was starting to get mean again. i really miss nat. even though i always tell him to shoo, nat don't bother me. little fatty natty. haha that cracks me up. i'm depressed but happy, sad yet exhilarated. my strange feelings do not make any sense. i wonder what it will be like in st augustine if i ever get the nerve. i wish i could just make her happy but i don't know what she fucking wants. she makes no sense and i can't concentrate ,my grades are going down and i'm always looking behind my back trying to see if what i am doing is right even though i have done nothing wrong and i know that but i can't just do what she wants even though i do everything that she says and even more. i can't make her happy i try and try but i feel like a bigger failure in the end. i feel that she has made in elephant in the room. i know she tries but not good enough. you can tell me you hate me, hit me and then try to say your sorry but it will always be in the back of my head everytime you say you love me. not everything works. i wish i could make her and everyone else understand but never in the end will the world be clear. a cracked house makes a cracked family with a cracked girl who will always feel unwanted by the ones who are suppossed to love her the most..... its good to get some feelings out.