Warning long deep pensive and full of thought and agitation
FIRST WARNING TO ANYONE WHO DARES READ THIS.
IT IS LONG AND DEEP AND IF IT BORES YOU, DON’T TRY TO ABSORB IT ALL JUST SKIM IF YOU WANT TO.
So it has been a long time since I wrote here. I wanted this LJ to write down my thoughts to keep me from going insane but my work and life have been just so insane lately that this is the last place I come.
March/April were really insane because a co-worker left and we were down a person, added to that the other co worker like could have given a shit if they did the right thing at all. All they cared about was how things affected them. Excuse my language but what a big ass pussy they were. They did allot of damage here. It made me not like my job for awhile. Like they would breeze out on the dot at 5:00 regardless of what needed to be completed when it was advised upon taking this job that there would be times we would need to stay to get applications done but that was of no concern to them. Finally they left too and left us from 3 people sharing the load to 1. Yep just me. But their leaving made me real happy and love my job again. So if I was bitchy and out of sorts in March/April/May it’s because I averaged 27-30 of OT each week and kept up with everything else that was needed by my child my family and my household.
Which is probably the reason I came down with a viral pneumonia on the weekend after my birthday?
And since that time I have felt better but it’s not a full recovery I am still congested and all the meds I take just don’t seem to do anything. And the meds make me logy and listless and make me not want to do anything and I still have to put up with daily life and put in long hours to make the ends at least look at each other (they'll never seem to meet). Sometimes I feel I am all alone with all the responsibility I have. Most households have 2 incomes and 2 people to raise an offspring, but this has been my full responsibility for the last almost 17 years. There is not support checks that come in regularly, never have been. But I don’t care I have the best thing out of it --- my child! I am not complaining just growing tired and listless that I don’t seem to get any assistance from anyone. Then again maybe it’s just the meds. Maybe I need a full blown get out of town vacation. I had one planned 7-1/05 -7/5/05 but that was changed and I can't help feel bad because my plans always seem to get changed and I don’t usually mind, I will go with flow. But sometimes I feel taken advantage of or just disregarded like my feelings don’t count. But again I never regret any of it. Because I love with my mind, heart, soul and everything I have to give. I will continue to love with every fiber I have but I feel I have a right to bitch sometimes because there is always room for potential to be met. I can be less irritable but then I feel I have a legit right to just bitch sometimes. I’m not saying I need anyone to really resolve this I’m just wanting to bitch a bit and release these ill feelings I seem to have allot of.
Now let’s turn to the positive. I love my daughter with heart soul and everything I can. I am always proud of her no matter what, even when she messes up because teenagers are supposed to do that. I know that young people are not perfect! I also know each one has allot to offer and they are very intelligent in their thinking. I know mine is!
Young people are our future and if anyone doesn’t get why I would want to be friends, friendly toward or caring toward young people must not get that, youths are our livelihood as well as our future. I suppose if I were a youth leader or a teacher no one would think it too odd at all. But there are those that feel my caring toward or relationships with other young people besides my own are weird, but I guess they need to just suck it up because ITJUST IS. I feel if I can contribute to any youth that is open for my love, caring, kindness, experience and wisdom then they just might just make one less mistake in their life! They might just take a right path as opposed to a wrong path. If I can be the supervised entertainment for even one evening then they are less likely to make the worst mistake of all like drinking and driving, taking lethal amounts of drugs or alcohol, or being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It has been said that it’s weird that I like allot of the same music as some of these young people. I ask what is weird about that. Music is similar in allot of ways no matter what year it is. Bands names change from decade to decade but I know allot young people that listen to my stuff from my youth and I am pleased they feel it worthy to listen to. So whoever says it’s weird should check themselves first. People who say other people are weird probably are weird themselves to begin with and have major issues to get over. I try to see young people as people first and not pigeon hole them into the negative name of a teenager. I try to look past what their chronological age is and see them for them. I would hope that young people would look past what age I am and those that have I believe feel that I consider them almost as equals in allot of ways.
So I will end with this a little random but a little fitting as well.
I have deep faith in God yet I am not super religious. But I believe that "everything has a reason, everything has a rhyme, everything has a season and everything has a time." God put us in each others paths for purposes whether we know what it is or not yet there is a reason. Until that reason is clear, acceptance, understanding and education will make it easier to deal with things in your life and give you a better insight to things that are just the way they are. “It just is”
IT IS LONG AND DEEP AND IF IT BORES YOU, DON’T TRY TO ABSORB IT ALL JUST SKIM IF YOU WANT TO.
So it has been a long time since I wrote here. I wanted this LJ to write down my thoughts to keep me from going insane but my work and life have been just so insane lately that this is the last place I come.
March/April were really insane because a co-worker left and we were down a person, added to that the other co worker like could have given a shit if they did the right thing at all. All they cared about was how things affected them. Excuse my language but what a big ass pussy they were. They did allot of damage here. It made me not like my job for awhile. Like they would breeze out on the dot at 5:00 regardless of what needed to be completed when it was advised upon taking this job that there would be times we would need to stay to get applications done but that was of no concern to them. Finally they left too and left us from 3 people sharing the load to 1. Yep just me. But their leaving made me real happy and love my job again. So if I was bitchy and out of sorts in March/April/May it’s because I averaged 27-30 of OT each week and kept up with everything else that was needed by my child my family and my household.
Which is probably the reason I came down with a viral pneumonia on the weekend after my birthday?
And since that time I have felt better but it’s not a full recovery I am still congested and all the meds I take just don’t seem to do anything. And the meds make me logy and listless and make me not want to do anything and I still have to put up with daily life and put in long hours to make the ends at least look at each other (they'll never seem to meet). Sometimes I feel I am all alone with all the responsibility I have. Most households have 2 incomes and 2 people to raise an offspring, but this has been my full responsibility for the last almost 17 years. There is not support checks that come in regularly, never have been. But I don’t care I have the best thing out of it --- my child! I am not complaining just growing tired and listless that I don’t seem to get any assistance from anyone. Then again maybe it’s just the meds. Maybe I need a full blown get out of town vacation. I had one planned 7-1/05 -7/5/05 but that was changed and I can't help feel bad because my plans always seem to get changed and I don’t usually mind, I will go with flow. But sometimes I feel taken advantage of or just disregarded like my feelings don’t count. But again I never regret any of it. Because I love with my mind, heart, soul and everything I have to give. I will continue to love with every fiber I have but I feel I have a right to bitch sometimes because there is always room for potential to be met. I can be less irritable but then I feel I have a legit right to just bitch sometimes. I’m not saying I need anyone to really resolve this I’m just wanting to bitch a bit and release these ill feelings I seem to have allot of.
Now let’s turn to the positive. I love my daughter with heart soul and everything I can. I am always proud of her no matter what, even when she messes up because teenagers are supposed to do that. I know that young people are not perfect! I also know each one has allot to offer and they are very intelligent in their thinking. I know mine is!
Young people are our future and if anyone doesn’t get why I would want to be friends, friendly toward or caring toward young people must not get that, youths are our livelihood as well as our future. I suppose if I were a youth leader or a teacher no one would think it too odd at all. But there are those that feel my caring toward or relationships with other young people besides my own are weird, but I guess they need to just suck it up because ITJUST IS. I feel if I can contribute to any youth that is open for my love, caring, kindness, experience and wisdom then they just might just make one less mistake in their life! They might just take a right path as opposed to a wrong path. If I can be the supervised entertainment for even one evening then they are less likely to make the worst mistake of all like drinking and driving, taking lethal amounts of drugs or alcohol, or being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It has been said that it’s weird that I like allot of the same music as some of these young people. I ask what is weird about that. Music is similar in allot of ways no matter what year it is. Bands names change from decade to decade but I know allot young people that listen to my stuff from my youth and I am pleased they feel it worthy to listen to. So whoever says it’s weird should check themselves first. People who say other people are weird probably are weird themselves to begin with and have major issues to get over. I try to see young people as people first and not pigeon hole them into the negative name of a teenager. I try to look past what their chronological age is and see them for them. I would hope that young people would look past what age I am and those that have I believe feel that I consider them almost as equals in allot of ways.
So I will end with this a little random but a little fitting as well.
I have deep faith in God yet I am not super religious. But I believe that "everything has a reason, everything has a rhyme, everything has a season and everything has a time." God put us in each others paths for purposes whether we know what it is or not yet there is a reason. Until that reason is clear, acceptance, understanding and education will make it easier to deal with things in your life and give you a better insight to things that are just the way they are. “It just is”