A lot on my mind
So...as usual...I have a lot on my mind.
One of my recently made friends told me that I need to get out of Fredericksburg for my own sake. S/he says I need to get out of my comfort zone. I don't think I'd mind, honestly, except for the first time in my life (in a long time), I have friends who I've been in contact with for about seven years. We've been through a lot together. Times I honestly wouldn't trade for anything. I don't want to give that up. It might be a comfort zone, but it's the first one I've had that's healthy in a long time.
At the same time, I can't help but wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life. A lot of my posts lately have centered around this. Unemployment (especially with the best prospect to fixing that being retail) will do that to you. I really want to do something musically. I want to do something - anything - that will make a difference to someone else. That's one reason I cling to friendship right now, I suppose. I dunno. I just feel like the life I'm leading, even though I have friends, isn't where I'm supposed to be. I don't know where to go, though. One of my other friends always says that life is infinity. You always have infinity minus one options ahead of you. Pick one. I don't know about that though. It's not my nature to just head off in a direction without considering the options, weighing the pros and cons of every possible answer. I over-think. It's what I do. It's what leads to my insomnia. It's what's causing it to be honest. I just don't know. I'm really unsure of everything in the world right now...most especially of myself.
One of my recently made friends told me that I need to get out of Fredericksburg for my own sake. S/he says I need to get out of my comfort zone. I don't think I'd mind, honestly, except for the first time in my life (in a long time), I have friends who I've been in contact with for about seven years. We've been through a lot together. Times I honestly wouldn't trade for anything. I don't want to give that up. It might be a comfort zone, but it's the first one I've had that's healthy in a long time.
At the same time, I can't help but wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life. A lot of my posts lately have centered around this. Unemployment (especially with the best prospect to fixing that being retail) will do that to you. I really want to do something musically. I want to do something - anything - that will make a difference to someone else. That's one reason I cling to friendship right now, I suppose. I dunno. I just feel like the life I'm leading, even though I have friends, isn't where I'm supposed to be. I don't know where to go, though. One of my other friends always says that life is infinity. You always have infinity minus one options ahead of you. Pick one. I don't know about that though. It's not my nature to just head off in a direction without considering the options, weighing the pros and cons of every possible answer. I over-think. It's what I do. It's what leads to my insomnia. It's what's causing it to be honest. I just don't know. I'm really unsure of everything in the world right now...most especially of myself.