(no subject)
Is it too late for me to write an Escapade report? I needed to recover from the trip home and let it all settle a bit before I posted. Not to mention time - since I seem incapable of ever writing a short LJ post!
First of all, is there anything so wonderful as a slash con? I mean, this is my third one and my first Escapade - I'm still a bit of a newbie, though no longer virginal - and I still can't get over what an unbelievable, fantastic, indescribably incredible experience it is to spend a weekend immersed in slash, surrounded by people all of whom want to talk about the same things I do. It's such a community feeling, unlike anything I've experienced before, really.
It starts with those pre-nametag moments, before registration, when you all stand around the common areas of the hotel wondering if you know each other, if the person on the other side of the lobby is someone with whom you might have shared email correspondences or engaged in LJ discussions. It's odd at first to physically meet people with whom you have some virtual familiarity - I find I have an image in my head from online interaction, and when I meet the "real" person, it takes some time before the two images meld. At first it sometimes almost seems like two separate people, the online identity and the physical person. Eventually, though, like one of those eye tests, the virtual person and the physical person merge, and that's just great. At this con I met a number of people for the first time, including earye, arallara, elke_tanzer, astolat, kassrachel, pearl_o, and zoerayne, among others.
I loved meeting every one of these fellow fen, but I must admit that the high point was finally meeting imkalena, with whom I have chatted for many an hour over on #discourse. It was just beyond-words-wonderful to finally meet her - and watch gay porn with her, among others!
She and I spent an absolutely riotous few hours late Friday night watching Bel Ami gay porn vids in Robin and Bonnie's room, along with various others like khaleesian, with whom I spent much pleasant time this con, and the incomparable Denise Raymond, who knitted socks throughout the entertainment (knit one, purl two, rimming!). Denise has got to be one of the funniest people ever - I just adore her, and I exhort all of you dS fans out there to badger her relentlessly for the third part of her All the Comforts of Home series. I have inside knowledge that it will be well worth the wait!
Porn watching is always fun with a group of fellow slashers. We yelled pointers at the screen when the guys "neglected" to prepare each other ("one finger, two fingers, three fingers, scissor!"), sighed at the oh-so-sweet lip biting and whimpering, commented on endowment, and generally bonded over cute boys doing each other. I highly recommend the Bel Ami porn vids - they were definitely the first gay porn I've ever seen that I actually found ... er... arousing, and would actually consider purchasing.
Apparently the Bel Ami producers are fascinated and mystified by the idea that women like watching this stuff (which is kind of insulting, if you think about it - do you think porn producers are "mystified" by the idea that men like watching hot f/f action?), and on Sunday Robin overcame her shyness and did a great job leading a panel about what women want from gay porn (she intends to write an article that will be printed in the Bel Ami magazine). It was a fascinating discussion. Almost everyone felt that one of the most important things is "realism" - i.e., the sense that we're watching two people having sex, rather than two actors who are bored with the proceedings or two guys who happen to be in the same room. Most porn seems kind of joyless and detatched, like efficient, body-assisted wanking. All the attendees wanted the guys to look like they're in a relationship - I don't mean a long-term relationship, I just mean that they're relating to each other during the sex, and basically like each other, and are enjoying it.
There also appeared to be universal agreement that raunchy is good (ie, women do not need scenes of meadows and beaches and soft focus and lots of emotion and plot), but that it's nice to see "full body" shots interspersed with what we humorously called the "ball cam." The Bel Ami videos generally do this; the "training" videos were particularly popular because they are unscripted.
Actually, just like watching porn, talking about it during that panel was a real bonding experience!
There was a nice healthy dS contingent here. The due South Panel - topic: The Tao of Fraser - was well-attended and well-run by aerye, with lots of audience participation and interesting takes on the questions of who is Benton Fraser and what motivates him. But more than that, in a number of panels I attended, dS was held out as a model for how a fandom can overcome animosity and division and emerge strong and vibrant. This appears to be an amazing change from the not-so-long-ago days when the only thing dS was a model for was infighting and hostility and how a fandom can tear itself apart. In particular, dS was mentioned quite a bit in my absolute favorite panel of the weekend, the topic of which was "ownership" of fandoms - why we're so possessive of our fandoms, so concerned about the directions and trends; why we feel so worried and so potentially threatened by changes to the fandom.
In the Fandom Ownership Panel we talked about the fact that so many of us are so emotionally invested in this stuff (and I'm definitely one of those) - we feel passionate about it, we care about it. Fandoms are places where we feel secure - and then something comes along and (seemingly) threatens the status quo, threatens to take away or reduce or change this thing that means so much to us, threatens to destabilize our hard-won equilibrium, our tentative feeling of security and "belonging." It's so very hard not to react defensively to this. After all, none of us are "self-sufficient" as fans - you can't just say, well, you do what you want and I'll do what I want, because if that happens too many times, no one else is doing what I want anymore except me, and then I don't have a fandom!
So as I remarked in the panel, though I'm a dedicated, dyed-in-the-wool Kowaski-ite, I can really understand how very painful it must have been for the Vecchio fans to have their fandom ripped away from them. Sure, it wasn't other fans who were responsible for this - but I can imagine that much of the Vecchio side's behavior during the Ray wars might have been driven by their feelings of powerlessness - the power to take away something that meant so much to them was in someone else's hands, and they couldn't do a thing about it. It seems to me, not having experienced the wars, that some of the anger at that powerlessness got (mis?)directed toward the Kowalski fans, who were really the only available target. The Ray K fans weren't responsible for the "loss" of Vecchio, but they were there only as a result of that loss. And furthermore, they were in the position of "winners" - they had their pairing, it was being given to them. So it's understandable (if not "right") that they ended up the target of the Vecchio fans' pain and rage.
The thing is, anything that seems to have the potential to undercut something we care about and are so emotionally invested in can seem like a threat. Some panelists responded to this by saying that fans shouldn't have this reaction, that it's not justified - there's room for everyone, everyone can find their own corner of fandom, there's no need to feel threatened. I'm envious of people, like my own fannish mentor smaragdgrun, who are secure enough to truly believe this - but this response doesn't work for me (and didn't for many of the panelists). I've always been a little impatient with people who throw out "why can't we all just get along?" as the response to any kerfuffle - it's like saying, why can't you just be happy? to a depressed person or something. The thing is, these feelings of insecurity, of being threatened, are real. Whether they're justified or correct or not, people - including me! - have them. They're understandable, maybe even natural, given many of our backgrounds and what this stuff means to us. The feelings aren't going to just go away because they're not logically justifiable, or because someone says we shouldn't feel this way.
Of course, the feelings might actually be justified. As someone said in the panel, and as I said before, we simply are not self-sufficient as fans; we depend on others to give us what we want (fic, community, etc), and anything that diverts those others from us, lures authors to other fandoms or pairings, drives people away - these things dilute a fandom, and eventually, if you're one of only a few left in your little world, you can't get what you need, it's gone. Vecchio is an example of this - the exodus of fans from Vecchio, either out of the fandom or to Kowaslki, reduced the F/V fandom to a shadow of its former self. So the threat can be real, the fear and defensiveness justified! But even if it isn't, the feeling of being threatened is real, and anxiety-producing, and can cause tension and dissent in a fandom.
But what we talked about in the panel is that maybe we can minimize the conflict if we're aware of the fact that we sometimes react defensively, that such reactions are understandable and normal and don't make us bad people, that the reactions usually come from the fact that we care so deeply - and perhaps most important, that others are reacting to the same things, that the motivations of those who seem hostile to us are perhaps, at heart, the same as ours: fear, and the desire to protect and preserve what matters to them. Keeping in mind that our reactions, though understandable, are not always logical and perhaps shouldn't be allowed to control us; and that other people's reactions usually stem from the fact that they care so much and feel incredibly anxious and fearful (whether rationally or not) of losing something that means so much - maybe understanding all that could help us get through things that affect our fandoms with a bit less pain. At bottom we're all in this because we all care so much, and that's such a powerful thing, a powerful bond.
So, back to dS - the Ray wars were (apparently) very painful and divisive for all involved, and actually almost killed the fandom. But now - and yes, I'm biased, but still, katallison and earye and various other dSers at the panel agreed with me - the dS fandom is incredibly warm and welcoming and friendly. No doubt there are still pockets of dissent - it's not all just one big happy family. But in general it's a great place to be. The fandom does appear to be dominated by Ray K fans, but these days it's not pc, even among committed Kowalski-ites, to dis Ray V; in fact, you'll find dedicated Ray K fans saying they don't like an old fic because it portrays Ray V too negatively (whereas I understand there was a time that saying anything not negative about Ray V could get you kicked off certain Ray K-oriented lists, or at least shunned in the Ray K world). Somehow a fandom that was virtually brought to its knees by dissent and "ownership" issues has been reborn from the ashes, and is now a kinder, gentler (if by no means perfect) fandom.
It's nothing to scoff at, really, and maybe it illustrates that it is possible to surmount the defensive reactions and feelings. Believe me, I'm as defensive and protective of "my" fandom as anyone else. Sometimes I barely succeed in clamping down on my desire to say - but no, MY WAY is the right way, the only way; how could you possibly want to write (or read) gen, or F/V, or depressing fic, when so clearly F/K is the happily-ever-after OTP, what is wrong with you for god's sake! I mean, I don't really believe that intellectually, but I feel it emotionally, because when people write that kind of thing (gen, F/V, F/K not ending up together) I get fearful, irrationally or not, that the thing I love so much is going to be taken away, that I won't have it anymore. (Yes, there are deep-seated psychological issues lurking there; believe me, I know, and my therapist knows, but I also know that I am most definitely not alone with these issues in the fannish world!). I am embarrassed to admit that I often don't enjoy dS panels as much as I should, given my passion for the fandom, because the differences of opinion make me anxious.
I do think, though, that it is in my own best interests, as well as those of my fandoms, to try very very hard to not let those reactions prevail. What I took from this absolutely fabulous panel was that the reactions may be real, and we should acknowledge them rather than denying them - but that doesn't mean we have to let them control us!
Jennifer Holland and Rachael Sabotini (wickedwords) did an absolutely top-notch job of moderating this panel. They kept order without being too regimental, allowing discussion to flourish spontaneously while still keeping it relatively directed and focused. The attendees were enthusiastic and impassioned but still respectful, polite, and friendly. It was without a doubt the best panel I've ever attended at any con; it left me feeling invigorated and happy and just so damn glad to be a part of this world.
There were a few other memorable panels. On the meta side, I enjoyed particularly enjoyed the panel on Plot and the one on Text/Subtext. The panel on Defending Slash was a good one, too.
I've always thought of myself as someone who doesn't particularly want or need (or even like) plot, because I viewed "plot" as synonymous with "case" (at least in the cop-buddy fandoms). A plotty story is one that focuses on the case that the guys are trying to solve; I, however, am a slasher way before I am a fan, so I don't really care about the case except insofar as it advances the slashy relationship between the guys. QED, I don't like plot - at least or so I thought. At the Plot and Slash Panel (led by Mistress Ace and Denise Raymond), though, we discussed how relationship development is (or can be) plot; plot is what happens (or why it happens - the definitions varied), and relationship development is something that happens.
In the Should Subtext Become Text Panel (led by kassrachel, sanj, and Mazal), the discussion included, among other things, the issue whether we as slashers really want the slashy relationship to be text. I've always assumed that it would have been wonderful if a romantic/sexual relationship between my slashy characters was explicit in the show (or book). In a way, though, text is limiting - the relationship is there, it is what it is. Leaving it subtext permits us to create it and to decide (or at least posit) how it develops, where it will go, what it means. Of course, it's nice to have fodder for the subtext, at least in my view - flirting, touching, that kind of thing. But still, it's true that subtext leaves fans with a lot more freedom, and therefore perhaps is ultimately more interesting, than text. And also, it may be that we get something important out of the idea that the relationship between the guys is there, is real, but it must be hidden - it creates a different dynamic than if it were out there in our faces. (Maybe it relates to the subversiveness of what we are doing as slashers?) For me, at least, it's true that the relationships that aren't explicit are the most interesting ones - even in, say, QAF, the romantic relationship between Stuart and Vince is the most interesting thing for me, because it isn't realized on screen - we have to imagine it (I'm ignoring the ridiculous end to the movie sequel here).
Finally: smaragdgrun led the panel on Defending Slash: Threats Foreign and Domestic. In the interests of fair disclosure, it was Smara, me, and a few other DC Slashers who, at our Slashy Book Group meeting in early January, came up with and suggested this panel idea (and I'm the one who actually posted the suggestion). The purpose of the topic was to discuss non-legal "threats" to our slashy world. Our thought was (and this is taken straight from my posted suggestion, but I figure I can crib from myself!) that we see lots of discussion about things like copyright law, but maybe the more important question is not what's right or wrong from a legal perspective, but what is best, or most prudent, for slash fandom. On the one hand are things that happen within slash fandom that potentially threaten its stability, like when a writer "copies" someone else's fanfic, or when a fan stalks or threatens to "out" another fan. On the other hand are the potential external threats to slash fandom - like fans who bring slash to the attention of actors/publishers/producers or other "outsiders." In both cases, maybe the question we should be asking is not whether this is legally/morally/ethically "wrong," but how it affects the slash community and how we should respond in light of that.
Smara's done a lot of thinking about these issues, and it showed in the panel, which featured a lot of lively discussion about how best to keep our slashy communities strong in the face of these "threats" - in particular, whether carrots or sticks are more effective.
There were also a few interesting fandom-specific panels (other than dS, of course).
smaragdgrun also led the Harry Potter Panel (along with meri_oddities and a few others), which focused on how to keep the characters "in character" as they age. The moderators listed six characters and asked people to list the "essential" characteristics of each. The most interesting thing to me about this panel was how little agreement there was. Some insisted that Harry was reckless, or kind of dumb, while others vehemently disagreed. Some thought Lucius was "lazy," while others found no support for this in canon. There were virtually no characteristics, for any of the characters, upon which the entire room could agree. This simply confirmed my opinion that JKR's characterization pretty much sucks - she does such a very bad, bad job of defining her characters by other than appearance, and we know so little about most of them. Of course, this leaves the door to fanfic wide, wide open, which is a good thing.
The inimitable latxcvi and Sheila did a great job with the Pirates of the Caribbean Panel, which focused on "sparrington" (Jack Sparrow/Norrington). LaT's commentary, delivered in her customary understated and dryly humorous manner, was particularly wonderful, and the commentary was supplemented, delightfully, with pertinent clips from the DVD. I'd never noticed before that Will's "three musketeers" hat in the final scenes is absolutely incongruous!.
The vid show on Saturday was entertaining. I must say that very few of the vids moved me at all. That's probably in some part due to the fact that, as kassrachel said in her con report here, my fandoms weren't well represented. It's also, though, due to the general lack of emotionally slashy vids - that's what I'm in it for, myself. Not the technical stuff (though a few of the vids were technically quite magnificent, and I could appreciate that), but the relationship. Surely I'm not alone with that? Anyway, I am personally of the opinion that at a slash con, all the vids should be slash vids.
So my favorites were the slashy relationship vids: the UK QAF vid (gorgeous Vince/Stuart) and the LA Confidential vid (not even a brief glimpse of Kim Basinger to mar the slashy relationship so recently memorialized by astolat in her fabulous fics). Unfortunately, I don't remember the vidder or music for either, and I can't seem to find the vid listing. I also loved the slashy clips in the Pros vid, but the music (Metallica) didn't quite work for me.
Shoshanna (does she have an LJ?) ran the art show on Sunday in her usual amazingly competent (and seductive!) fashion. She's funny and delightful, but she keeps things moving - she's absolutely a natural at this job. There were a few noteworthy pieces of art. I adored the Snape/young Harry drawing by Barbana - and lucky for me Smara purchased it, so I can see it as often as I want. mousewrites - who I was absolutely delighted to meet for the first time at this con - had a beautiful piece of computer art showing a gorgeously wet Harry, which, again luckily for me, Meri_oddities nabbed. X had a few nice pieces, as usual (Smara got her gorgeous Harry/Snape piece last year). I particularly loved the Master & Commander one, but the Jack/Daniel piece ultimately went for more. And I myself purchased my very first piece of fan art - a computer image of RayK (looking devastatingly, scruffily, scorchingly sexy) and Fraser, by Blue Spirit. (I also got a very cute Ray Doyle pic, but that one didn't go up for auction.)
Anything else to note? Well, the DC/Baltimore-area contingent was exceptionally well represented at this con. I flew out with meri_oddities, serpentsgarden (that's 2!), brak666, gblvr, and lanning, and Widget (LJ unknown) was also on the plane; the return flight also featured smaragdgrun, lanchid, molly_o, and latxcvi; and earye was also at the con. Have I missed anyone?
I roomed with Smara and minotaurs, which was a blast, as usual. With a larger room, no costume party and one guy in the room, we managed to keep things far more under control than at ZCon. Smara and I did come equipped, of course, with appropriately slasher-ish t-shirts. Smara wore her "Slytherin Sex Goddess" shirt, created for her by serpentsgarden, and I wore my own very, very favorite con t-shirt on Friday, even though it's short sleeved and I was freezing (oh, the things we do for slash!). I'm being bold and posting the shirt - on me! - behind the cut (at least for now!).
Me in shirt (photo - and pose! - courtesy of Minotaur):
And here's a close-up of the logo:
I'm about to beg heuradys to make me a Ray K icon featuring this logo (she doesn't know it yet, though :-).
And finally: the con ran like a dream. It is truly a model that all cons should emulate.
The panels were uniformly excellent. The hotel space worked quite well; we had our own bar and lounge, which was a wonderful addition, allowing us to congregate to discuss things slashy at all hours without having to deal with other hotel guests, and the con suite and zine library were full of people and snacks and good cheer. I enjoyed every single minute of the weekend, bar none; I floated on an amazing high throughout it all, just loving the fact that I found this world, that I could be here with these people doing, and talking about, this stuff that I love. As usual, I was sad to leave on Sunday, sad for it to end. All that makes it tolerable is the knowledge that this is real, it's here, it's not going to go away - I have my wonderful local slashy friends, whom I see often; I have nightly #discourse chat; I see friends like cesperanza and lynnmonster when I travel; in a month or so I'll be at Connexions with many of the same people and many new folks; in August there will be Vividcon; next year there will be another Escapade, and we all, or most of us, will still be here. Kass said it so very well that I'm going to just quote her here:
I find myself overall very, very, very glad to have come; glad this is a part of my life; glad I found this world and these marvelous, smart, intriguing, fun women; glad that this is something I do now; glad to be able to look forward to next year with a light heart.
To me, Escapade is the epitome of con. I love the people; I love the conversations; I love the geekitude. I love being surprised by how interesting and diverse we are: sure, we're mostly Americans, but we're also British and German and from Singapore. We're teachers and librarians and scientists and seminarians and sex workers [and lawyers!!!]. And we are fabulous people who are fun to be around: I am so glad to be a part of this world.
This con is on the permanent roster, on my never-miss list. What a wonderful, fabulous, unforgettable experience.
First of all, is there anything so wonderful as a slash con? I mean, this is my third one and my first Escapade - I'm still a bit of a newbie, though no longer virginal - and I still can't get over what an unbelievable, fantastic, indescribably incredible experience it is to spend a weekend immersed in slash, surrounded by people all of whom want to talk about the same things I do. It's such a community feeling, unlike anything I've experienced before, really.
It starts with those pre-nametag moments, before registration, when you all stand around the common areas of the hotel wondering if you know each other, if the person on the other side of the lobby is someone with whom you might have shared email correspondences or engaged in LJ discussions. It's odd at first to physically meet people with whom you have some virtual familiarity - I find I have an image in my head from online interaction, and when I meet the "real" person, it takes some time before the two images meld. At first it sometimes almost seems like two separate people, the online identity and the physical person. Eventually, though, like one of those eye tests, the virtual person and the physical person merge, and that's just great. At this con I met a number of people for the first time, including earye, arallara, elke_tanzer, astolat, kassrachel, pearl_o, and zoerayne, among others.
I loved meeting every one of these fellow fen, but I must admit that the high point was finally meeting imkalena, with whom I have chatted for many an hour over on #discourse. It was just beyond-words-wonderful to finally meet her - and watch gay porn with her, among others!
She and I spent an absolutely riotous few hours late Friday night watching Bel Ami gay porn vids in Robin and Bonnie's room, along with various others like khaleesian, with whom I spent much pleasant time this con, and the incomparable Denise Raymond, who knitted socks throughout the entertainment (knit one, purl two, rimming!). Denise has got to be one of the funniest people ever - I just adore her, and I exhort all of you dS fans out there to badger her relentlessly for the third part of her All the Comforts of Home series. I have inside knowledge that it will be well worth the wait!
Porn watching is always fun with a group of fellow slashers. We yelled pointers at the screen when the guys "neglected" to prepare each other ("one finger, two fingers, three fingers, scissor!"), sighed at the oh-so-sweet lip biting and whimpering, commented on endowment, and generally bonded over cute boys doing each other. I highly recommend the Bel Ami porn vids - they were definitely the first gay porn I've ever seen that I actually found ... er... arousing, and would actually consider purchasing.
Apparently the Bel Ami producers are fascinated and mystified by the idea that women like watching this stuff (which is kind of insulting, if you think about it - do you think porn producers are "mystified" by the idea that men like watching hot f/f action?), and on Sunday Robin overcame her shyness and did a great job leading a panel about what women want from gay porn (she intends to write an article that will be printed in the Bel Ami magazine). It was a fascinating discussion. Almost everyone felt that one of the most important things is "realism" - i.e., the sense that we're watching two people having sex, rather than two actors who are bored with the proceedings or two guys who happen to be in the same room. Most porn seems kind of joyless and detatched, like efficient, body-assisted wanking. All the attendees wanted the guys to look like they're in a relationship - I don't mean a long-term relationship, I just mean that they're relating to each other during the sex, and basically like each other, and are enjoying it.
There also appeared to be universal agreement that raunchy is good (ie, women do not need scenes of meadows and beaches and soft focus and lots of emotion and plot), but that it's nice to see "full body" shots interspersed with what we humorously called the "ball cam." The Bel Ami videos generally do this; the "training" videos were particularly popular because they are unscripted.
Actually, just like watching porn, talking about it during that panel was a real bonding experience!
There was a nice healthy dS contingent here. The due South Panel - topic: The Tao of Fraser - was well-attended and well-run by aerye, with lots of audience participation and interesting takes on the questions of who is Benton Fraser and what motivates him. But more than that, in a number of panels I attended, dS was held out as a model for how a fandom can overcome animosity and division and emerge strong and vibrant. This appears to be an amazing change from the not-so-long-ago days when the only thing dS was a model for was infighting and hostility and how a fandom can tear itself apart. In particular, dS was mentioned quite a bit in my absolute favorite panel of the weekend, the topic of which was "ownership" of fandoms - why we're so possessive of our fandoms, so concerned about the directions and trends; why we feel so worried and so potentially threatened by changes to the fandom.
In the Fandom Ownership Panel we talked about the fact that so many of us are so emotionally invested in this stuff (and I'm definitely one of those) - we feel passionate about it, we care about it. Fandoms are places where we feel secure - and then something comes along and (seemingly) threatens the status quo, threatens to take away or reduce or change this thing that means so much to us, threatens to destabilize our hard-won equilibrium, our tentative feeling of security and "belonging." It's so very hard not to react defensively to this. After all, none of us are "self-sufficient" as fans - you can't just say, well, you do what you want and I'll do what I want, because if that happens too many times, no one else is doing what I want anymore except me, and then I don't have a fandom!
So as I remarked in the panel, though I'm a dedicated, dyed-in-the-wool Kowaski-ite, I can really understand how very painful it must have been for the Vecchio fans to have their fandom ripped away from them. Sure, it wasn't other fans who were responsible for this - but I can imagine that much of the Vecchio side's behavior during the Ray wars might have been driven by their feelings of powerlessness - the power to take away something that meant so much to them was in someone else's hands, and they couldn't do a thing about it. It seems to me, not having experienced the wars, that some of the anger at that powerlessness got (mis?)directed toward the Kowalski fans, who were really the only available target. The Ray K fans weren't responsible for the "loss" of Vecchio, but they were there only as a result of that loss. And furthermore, they were in the position of "winners" - they had their pairing, it was being given to them. So it's understandable (if not "right") that they ended up the target of the Vecchio fans' pain and rage.
The thing is, anything that seems to have the potential to undercut something we care about and are so emotionally invested in can seem like a threat. Some panelists responded to this by saying that fans shouldn't have this reaction, that it's not justified - there's room for everyone, everyone can find their own corner of fandom, there's no need to feel threatened. I'm envious of people, like my own fannish mentor smaragdgrun, who are secure enough to truly believe this - but this response doesn't work for me (and didn't for many of the panelists). I've always been a little impatient with people who throw out "why can't we all just get along?" as the response to any kerfuffle - it's like saying, why can't you just be happy? to a depressed person or something. The thing is, these feelings of insecurity, of being threatened, are real. Whether they're justified or correct or not, people - including me! - have them. They're understandable, maybe even natural, given many of our backgrounds and what this stuff means to us. The feelings aren't going to just go away because they're not logically justifiable, or because someone says we shouldn't feel this way.
Of course, the feelings might actually be justified. As someone said in the panel, and as I said before, we simply are not self-sufficient as fans; we depend on others to give us what we want (fic, community, etc), and anything that diverts those others from us, lures authors to other fandoms or pairings, drives people away - these things dilute a fandom, and eventually, if you're one of only a few left in your little world, you can't get what you need, it's gone. Vecchio is an example of this - the exodus of fans from Vecchio, either out of the fandom or to Kowaslki, reduced the F/V fandom to a shadow of its former self. So the threat can be real, the fear and defensiveness justified! But even if it isn't, the feeling of being threatened is real, and anxiety-producing, and can cause tension and dissent in a fandom.
But what we talked about in the panel is that maybe we can minimize the conflict if we're aware of the fact that we sometimes react defensively, that such reactions are understandable and normal and don't make us bad people, that the reactions usually come from the fact that we care so deeply - and perhaps most important, that others are reacting to the same things, that the motivations of those who seem hostile to us are perhaps, at heart, the same as ours: fear, and the desire to protect and preserve what matters to them. Keeping in mind that our reactions, though understandable, are not always logical and perhaps shouldn't be allowed to control us; and that other people's reactions usually stem from the fact that they care so much and feel incredibly anxious and fearful (whether rationally or not) of losing something that means so much - maybe understanding all that could help us get through things that affect our fandoms with a bit less pain. At bottom we're all in this because we all care so much, and that's such a powerful thing, a powerful bond.
So, back to dS - the Ray wars were (apparently) very painful and divisive for all involved, and actually almost killed the fandom. But now - and yes, I'm biased, but still, katallison and earye and various other dSers at the panel agreed with me - the dS fandom is incredibly warm and welcoming and friendly. No doubt there are still pockets of dissent - it's not all just one big happy family. But in general it's a great place to be. The fandom does appear to be dominated by Ray K fans, but these days it's not pc, even among committed Kowalski-ites, to dis Ray V; in fact, you'll find dedicated Ray K fans saying they don't like an old fic because it portrays Ray V too negatively (whereas I understand there was a time that saying anything not negative about Ray V could get you kicked off certain Ray K-oriented lists, or at least shunned in the Ray K world). Somehow a fandom that was virtually brought to its knees by dissent and "ownership" issues has been reborn from the ashes, and is now a kinder, gentler (if by no means perfect) fandom.
It's nothing to scoff at, really, and maybe it illustrates that it is possible to surmount the defensive reactions and feelings. Believe me, I'm as defensive and protective of "my" fandom as anyone else. Sometimes I barely succeed in clamping down on my desire to say - but no, MY WAY is the right way, the only way; how could you possibly want to write (or read) gen, or F/V, or depressing fic, when so clearly F/K is the happily-ever-after OTP, what is wrong with you for god's sake! I mean, I don't really believe that intellectually, but I feel it emotionally, because when people write that kind of thing (gen, F/V, F/K not ending up together) I get fearful, irrationally or not, that the thing I love so much is going to be taken away, that I won't have it anymore. (Yes, there are deep-seated psychological issues lurking there; believe me, I know, and my therapist knows, but I also know that I am most definitely not alone with these issues in the fannish world!). I am embarrassed to admit that I often don't enjoy dS panels as much as I should, given my passion for the fandom, because the differences of opinion make me anxious.
I do think, though, that it is in my own best interests, as well as those of my fandoms, to try very very hard to not let those reactions prevail. What I took from this absolutely fabulous panel was that the reactions may be real, and we should acknowledge them rather than denying them - but that doesn't mean we have to let them control us!
Jennifer Holland and Rachael Sabotini (wickedwords) did an absolutely top-notch job of moderating this panel. They kept order without being too regimental, allowing discussion to flourish spontaneously while still keeping it relatively directed and focused. The attendees were enthusiastic and impassioned but still respectful, polite, and friendly. It was without a doubt the best panel I've ever attended at any con; it left me feeling invigorated and happy and just so damn glad to be a part of this world.
There were a few other memorable panels. On the meta side, I enjoyed particularly enjoyed the panel on Plot and the one on Text/Subtext. The panel on Defending Slash was a good one, too.
I've always thought of myself as someone who doesn't particularly want or need (or even like) plot, because I viewed "plot" as synonymous with "case" (at least in the cop-buddy fandoms). A plotty story is one that focuses on the case that the guys are trying to solve; I, however, am a slasher way before I am a fan, so I don't really care about the case except insofar as it advances the slashy relationship between the guys. QED, I don't like plot - at least or so I thought. At the Plot and Slash Panel (led by Mistress Ace and Denise Raymond), though, we discussed how relationship development is (or can be) plot; plot is what happens (or why it happens - the definitions varied), and relationship development is something that happens.
In the Should Subtext Become Text Panel (led by kassrachel, sanj, and Mazal), the discussion included, among other things, the issue whether we as slashers really want the slashy relationship to be text. I've always assumed that it would have been wonderful if a romantic/sexual relationship between my slashy characters was explicit in the show (or book). In a way, though, text is limiting - the relationship is there, it is what it is. Leaving it subtext permits us to create it and to decide (or at least posit) how it develops, where it will go, what it means. Of course, it's nice to have fodder for the subtext, at least in my view - flirting, touching, that kind of thing. But still, it's true that subtext leaves fans with a lot more freedom, and therefore perhaps is ultimately more interesting, than text. And also, it may be that we get something important out of the idea that the relationship between the guys is there, is real, but it must be hidden - it creates a different dynamic than if it were out there in our faces. (Maybe it relates to the subversiveness of what we are doing as slashers?) For me, at least, it's true that the relationships that aren't explicit are the most interesting ones - even in, say, QAF, the romantic relationship between Stuart and Vince is the most interesting thing for me, because it isn't realized on screen - we have to imagine it (I'm ignoring the ridiculous end to the movie sequel here).
Finally: smaragdgrun led the panel on Defending Slash: Threats Foreign and Domestic. In the interests of fair disclosure, it was Smara, me, and a few other DC Slashers who, at our Slashy Book Group meeting in early January, came up with and suggested this panel idea (and I'm the one who actually posted the suggestion). The purpose of the topic was to discuss non-legal "threats" to our slashy world. Our thought was (and this is taken straight from my posted suggestion, but I figure I can crib from myself!) that we see lots of discussion about things like copyright law, but maybe the more important question is not what's right or wrong from a legal perspective, but what is best, or most prudent, for slash fandom. On the one hand are things that happen within slash fandom that potentially threaten its stability, like when a writer "copies" someone else's fanfic, or when a fan stalks or threatens to "out" another fan. On the other hand are the potential external threats to slash fandom - like fans who bring slash to the attention of actors/publishers/producers or other "outsiders." In both cases, maybe the question we should be asking is not whether this is legally/morally/ethically "wrong," but how it affects the slash community and how we should respond in light of that.
Smara's done a lot of thinking about these issues, and it showed in the panel, which featured a lot of lively discussion about how best to keep our slashy communities strong in the face of these "threats" - in particular, whether carrots or sticks are more effective.
There were also a few interesting fandom-specific panels (other than dS, of course).
smaragdgrun also led the Harry Potter Panel (along with meri_oddities and a few others), which focused on how to keep the characters "in character" as they age. The moderators listed six characters and asked people to list the "essential" characteristics of each. The most interesting thing to me about this panel was how little agreement there was. Some insisted that Harry was reckless, or kind of dumb, while others vehemently disagreed. Some thought Lucius was "lazy," while others found no support for this in canon. There were virtually no characteristics, for any of the characters, upon which the entire room could agree. This simply confirmed my opinion that JKR's characterization pretty much sucks - she does such a very bad, bad job of defining her characters by other than appearance, and we know so little about most of them. Of course, this leaves the door to fanfic wide, wide open, which is a good thing.
The inimitable latxcvi and Sheila did a great job with the Pirates of the Caribbean Panel, which focused on "sparrington" (Jack Sparrow/Norrington). LaT's commentary, delivered in her customary understated and dryly humorous manner, was particularly wonderful, and the commentary was supplemented, delightfully, with pertinent clips from the DVD. I'd never noticed before that Will's "three musketeers" hat in the final scenes is absolutely incongruous!.
The vid show on Saturday was entertaining. I must say that very few of the vids moved me at all. That's probably in some part due to the fact that, as kassrachel said in her con report here, my fandoms weren't well represented. It's also, though, due to the general lack of emotionally slashy vids - that's what I'm in it for, myself. Not the technical stuff (though a few of the vids were technically quite magnificent, and I could appreciate that), but the relationship. Surely I'm not alone with that? Anyway, I am personally of the opinion that at a slash con, all the vids should be slash vids.
So my favorites were the slashy relationship vids: the UK QAF vid (gorgeous Vince/Stuart) and the LA Confidential vid (not even a brief glimpse of Kim Basinger to mar the slashy relationship so recently memorialized by astolat in her fabulous fics). Unfortunately, I don't remember the vidder or music for either, and I can't seem to find the vid listing. I also loved the slashy clips in the Pros vid, but the music (Metallica) didn't quite work for me.
Shoshanna (does she have an LJ?) ran the art show on Sunday in her usual amazingly competent (and seductive!) fashion. She's funny and delightful, but she keeps things moving - she's absolutely a natural at this job. There were a few noteworthy pieces of art. I adored the Snape/young Harry drawing by Barbana - and lucky for me Smara purchased it, so I can see it as often as I want. mousewrites - who I was absolutely delighted to meet for the first time at this con - had a beautiful piece of computer art showing a gorgeously wet Harry, which, again luckily for me, Meri_oddities nabbed. X had a few nice pieces, as usual (Smara got her gorgeous Harry/Snape piece last year). I particularly loved the Master & Commander one, but the Jack/Daniel piece ultimately went for more. And I myself purchased my very first piece of fan art - a computer image of RayK (looking devastatingly, scruffily, scorchingly sexy) and Fraser, by Blue Spirit. (I also got a very cute Ray Doyle pic, but that one didn't go up for auction.)
Anything else to note? Well, the DC/Baltimore-area contingent was exceptionally well represented at this con. I flew out with meri_oddities, serpentsgarden (that's 2!), brak666, gblvr, and lanning, and Widget (LJ unknown) was also on the plane; the return flight also featured smaragdgrun, lanchid, molly_o, and latxcvi; and earye was also at the con. Have I missed anyone?
I roomed with Smara and minotaurs, which was a blast, as usual. With a larger room, no costume party and one guy in the room, we managed to keep things far more under control than at ZCon. Smara and I did come equipped, of course, with appropriately slasher-ish t-shirts. Smara wore her "Slytherin Sex Goddess" shirt, created for her by serpentsgarden, and I wore my own very, very favorite con t-shirt on Friday, even though it's short sleeved and I was freezing (oh, the things we do for slash!). I'm being bold and posting the shirt - on me! - behind the cut (at least for now!).
Me in shirt (photo - and pose! - courtesy of Minotaur):
And here's a close-up of the logo:
I'm about to beg heuradys to make me a Ray K icon featuring this logo (she doesn't know it yet, though :-).
And finally: the con ran like a dream. It is truly a model that all cons should emulate.
The panels were uniformly excellent. The hotel space worked quite well; we had our own bar and lounge, which was a wonderful addition, allowing us to congregate to discuss things slashy at all hours without having to deal with other hotel guests, and the con suite and zine library were full of people and snacks and good cheer. I enjoyed every single minute of the weekend, bar none; I floated on an amazing high throughout it all, just loving the fact that I found this world, that I could be here with these people doing, and talking about, this stuff that I love. As usual, I was sad to leave on Sunday, sad for it to end. All that makes it tolerable is the knowledge that this is real, it's here, it's not going to go away - I have my wonderful local slashy friends, whom I see often; I have nightly #discourse chat; I see friends like cesperanza and lynnmonster when I travel; in a month or so I'll be at Connexions with many of the same people and many new folks; in August there will be Vividcon; next year there will be another Escapade, and we all, or most of us, will still be here. Kass said it so very well that I'm going to just quote her here:
I find myself overall very, very, very glad to have come; glad this is a part of my life; glad I found this world and these marvelous, smart, intriguing, fun women; glad that this is something I do now; glad to be able to look forward to next year with a light heart.
To me, Escapade is the epitome of con. I love the people; I love the conversations; I love the geekitude. I love being surprised by how interesting and diverse we are: sure, we're mostly Americans, but we're also British and German and from Singapore. We're teachers and librarians and scientists and seminarians and sex workers [and lawyers!!!]. And we are fabulous people who are fun to be around: I am so glad to be a part of this world.
This con is on the permanent roster, on my never-miss list. What a wonderful, fabulous, unforgettable experience.