"What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies." Aristotle
Navy life means moving. I leave friends behind (and vice versa). I am used to it and in most cases it doesn't bother me ( not including Scott, you know I miss you!!)...but one friend in particular tugs on my heart strings. I miss a friend I left behind in Pensacola, her name was Val and she was the best friend I have ever had (other than my beautiful little sis, Maria). We were two sides of the same coin, I loved her. I still do, it feels like this deep down soul kind of thing (I am so freakin' eloquent). I don't know what it is about her but I want to move back to Pensacola just to be near her again. I want to be a part of her life, I want her to be a part of mine. We talked every single day, an hour or two at a time. She gave me a baby shower before she had even met me...just because she knew I didn't have family near and had recently moved to town. She was pregnant too and we were due a week apart. We shared every ache and pain of pregnancy, we shared the delusional belief that this new baby WAS NOT going to change us or our relationship with our husbands (and basically came to the same conclusion of "thats bullshit" at the same time). She was the first person I called after I gave birth, even before my mother and father. She was the first visitor I had and the ONLY person other than family I would trust to watch Emmy during her first year. We gave birth exactly one week apart (both going a week and a half overdue), our labors were both 17 hours long and our babies weighed exactly the same and were the same length. We did a joint 1st birthday party for our daughters. We vowed to keep in touch after I moved but as is human nature it didn't happen. I keep in touch with her via her blog but it makes me SO depressed reading it. I don't know if its selfish but I hate the fact that she seems to have moved on. That her life doesn't involve me one tiny bit. I'm sure I hold a special place in her heart, just as she does in mine, but it doesn't seem like its good enough. I want what I had. I want to be the first person she calls when she needs to vent. I want to be the person she goes out to lunch with when she has a free afternoon. I want those long conversations on the phone where everything just clicked and we knew exactly what the other meant. She was one of the wittiest people I have ever met and could make me laugh so hard. And she had a quality hardly any of my girl friends have had. She had humility, she was honest with me, she didn't put on pretenses or acts. Friendship wasn't a competition with her, it wasn't about who had the best house, best husband, best kid. You could be brutally honest with her, lay yourself out emotionally naked...and she wouldn't take advantage. She would commiserate, she would lift your spirits. She wouldn't see you were feeling weak and use it to her advantage. She didn't use me, she didn't ask for constant favors or see what she could get out of me (like every other girl friend I have had). She was as close to the truest definition of "friendship" as you could get. It wasn't like a business arrangement (you do this for me and I'll do this for you), she was just there for me. No price tags attached, no judgment, no condescension. It kills me that I don't know her phone number, I don't know her address. She just had a baby and I don't know where to send the baby gift. I don't know the baby's name. And what kills me the most is that I don't really even have a right to say I should know these things. I haven't been a friend to her, I haven't tried calling, I haven't emailed her and asked for her phone number. All I know is I miss her and would give anything to be in her life again...