becomeing just me
I'm sitting here at luch on a stresful day at work thinking about life and everything inbetween and i can't help but keep hearing the words of a co-worker in my head from this movie that we watched in training. "if you can believe it you can see it". I has always hated it when anyone called me a FTM because thats just not who I am. I don't fit into the box of man, women,ftm or MTF and i won't be stuffed into any of them. I believe in spaces outside of those boxes and thats where I belong and thats where i'm headed. My heart and mind have always been a boy from as young as I can remember. I have never been a gril and didn't have this day that i woke up and decided that I was going to become a boy. I didn't study men to learn to walk or dress or any of that. For me starting to take T was a leap of faith that it would help bring the ouside of my body closer to what I have always felt inside. For me I have never been female and I will never be man so how could I transition between the two. I feel like i'm moveing my body from the space of butch to the space of genderqueer boy. And for that i'm really excited. I find myself looking at myself more and i can't help but like the view and dream of what tomorow will bring.
I'm going up in T. As long as my blood work is normal i'm going up from 100mg every two weeks to 200mg and feel really good about this. I always worryied that it wouldn't feel like my own hormone but nothing has felt more mine in my whole life. I also get to pick up my new binders tonight which is exciteing. They took so long to get here but there here now much is what matters.
yay for binders
I'm going up in T. As long as my blood work is normal i'm going up from 100mg every two weeks to 200mg and feel really good about this. I always worryied that it wouldn't feel like my own hormone but nothing has felt more mine in my whole life. I also get to pick up my new binders tonight which is exciteing. They took so long to get here but there here now much is what matters.
yay for binders