Fic: Things Untold
Title: Things Untold
Author: wanderingjasper
Rating: FRT/PG13
Characters: Morgan/Reid
Word Count: 965
Themes: Abortion (discussion), mpreg.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, but I do take liberties with them for no financial gain.
Notes: Skip it if you're 'pro-life'.
Summary: After a case, Reid has an admission to make to Morgan.
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They usually avoided the news when they got home, just to have some relief from what they had to see every day. That day, however, when the case had been in Virginia and Reid had found himself holding the remote so Morgan couldn’t turn it off, the other man didn’t press about it. Instead he sat down next to him, proffering one of the two bottles of beer in his hands. Reid reached for it, brushing his fingers along Morgan’s wrist before he wrapped them around the bottle neck as the noise of the news report filled his lover’s living room.
“Pro-choice groups are outraged that the murders of women who had sought abortions were not connected as the work of a serial killer with an agenda sooner, and are calling for regulation of ‘Crisis Pregnancy Centers’ and their practices in the wake of Darren McClair’s arrest. Although St John’s Center, the clinic linked to the case have issues a statement expressing their regret of their involvement with McClair, the pro-life group ‘Fight for Life’, of which he was a member could not be reached for comment, and is thought to be disbanded.”
“It was a tough one,” Morgan said.
He was right; it was a subject everyone had an opinion on, and professionalism seemed to blur as police officers, witnesses and suspects stated their stance on the topic of reproductive rights. The whole team was used to victim-blaming, but the sheer scale surprised them all; never had they heard so often the casual sentiment of ‘maybe they deserved it’, and ‘maybe it was their own fault’. It was draining for everyone. Everyone had got angry, everyone had almost lost their temper, and everyone had felt it more a loss than a win; the killer targeting women who had terminated pregnancies because of his past with his girlfriend had killed six women, and then moved on to women he suspected were going to have a termination, and killed two pregnant women before he was caught.
“...members of the notorious church have been quoted as saying that McClair should be ‘considered a victim of a system that murders pre-born babies, reacting against increasingly anti-life legislature’.”
Reid lifted his hand to his tie to pull and loosen it, the beer hanging heavy between his fingers. His gaze had gone out of focus, and the shapes on the television were blurry as he strengthened his grip on the glass and lifted it to his mouth to take a drink.
“I had an abortion,” he said. “A medical termination of pregnancy.”
“Spencer.” It was just his name, an acknowledgement that he was listening without saying anything that could be construed as judgement.
“It was three years ago, when we had a platonic relationship with occasional sexual interaction. It happened just after Garcia was shot. After she woke up we had a stolen few minutes in the toilets, we used a condom, but they’re only effective if used correctly, and it was sex as relief seeking so not our most careful encounter. It took me almost ten weeks to realise.”
He paused, adjusting his hold and taking another sip of his beer.
“I didn’t anticipate then that our relationship would become romantic. In fact I thought the revelation of an unplanned pregnancy would jeopardise any such hope of that, because it would cause you to actually consider the possibly of entering a long-term relationship with me and realise that wasn’t something you wanted.”
“That was what I wanted.”
“I know that in hindsight, but at the time I was convinced that the occasional sexual encounter was all I could hope for, and I didn’t want to risk losing the possibility of that.” Reid finally looked around, to where Morgan was watching him with a level gaze.
“Right.” He nodded. “Was it just about me? I mean, did you make the decision based just on the fact you didn’t think I’d want to deal?”
“You mean did I want to be pregnant?” Reid said, and for some reason he found the corner of his mouth twitching upwards in a smile. “No.”
“I would have supported you if you’d told me.”
“I know. But do you think it would have changed whether or not we entered a romantic relationship?”
“No.” Derek’s voice was soft but sure. “Maybe it would have changed the way we got here, but not that we ended up here. I’m sure of that, Spencer. I’d have gone off the rails if I was still pretending I’m not in love with you this long.”
“You’re not angry?” Reid hesitated a little, brushing a lock of hair behind his ear.
“Why would I be angry?”
“I was pregnant with your fetus,” he said evenly, “you want children.”
“Spencer, I said I’ve thought about it, having kids. And back then, kids were definitely off the table.”
“I worried there’d be resentment, even if you didn’t mean it,” he admitted.
“Why would I resent you?” his voice remained calm as he sought to keep eye contact. “Wasn’t any of my business if you wanted to have an abortion.”
“It was the logical decision, given the circumstances.”
“Was it the right decision for you?”
“Yes. I’ve never regretted seeking the procedure, only that I didn’t feel I could, or should, tell you.”
“You’re weren’t obliged to tell me, Spencer, you don’t owe me an explanation. You didn’t then, you don’t now.”
Reid knew that, but for some reason, hearing Morgan say it lifted a weight off of him, and he physically relaxed. Morgan took it as a signal and moved closer, slipping his hand along Reid’s back.
“Just like that?” Spencer murmured, leaning into the contact.
“Yeah.” He clinked his beer against Reid’s, and leant in to kiss him temple. “Just like that.”