My Past, Your Future, Our Present - Rewind 12/?
Title: My Past, Your Future, Our Present - Rewind 12/?
Rating: 15 maybe?
Characters: Jack/Ianto, Captain John
Chapters: Sequel to “Cross Roads.”
Spoilers: Anything Torchwood could be hinted at.
Summary: Parallel Jack’s tragic past finally catches up with him. Can he ever accept what he has lost?
Disclaimer: Regrettably I own nothing, none of the characters, zip. Wish I did though. Beginning line is from the “Out Of Time” episode.
Author’s Notes: Rewind, with a difference. I went a bit experimental here, so if you don’t like it, then sorry! A big thank you has to obviously go to all the great people who read this and encourage me, as well as my beta 2nd_toshiko for being the greatest beta and to naddypants for helping me realise my JM obsession is normal :P
That’s the thing about love……..you’re always at its mercy….
“Come in, why don’t you.” Jack said sarcastically, watching as John wandered in uninvited. “Where’s Jones?”
“Gone off to meet someone.” John smiled, standing awkwardly in front of Jack. “Mind if I…..” He pointed down to the sofa.
“Not at all.” Jack nodded, standing up and heading over to his grotty looking kitchenette. “Drink?”
“Yeah, sure.” John smiled in approval, catching the brown bottle beer that the other Captain tossed in his direction. “This all you drink?” He held it up sceptically.
“Does it matter?”
“No.”
“Good.” Silence descended upon them as Jack sat down, arms hanging lazily off the arms of his chair. Neither man looked at each other, they simply sat, glugging at the beers until there was nothing left.
“Why are you here, John?” Jack questioned, tossing his empty beer bottle to the floor beside him. “This isn’t about getting Jones home anymore is it?”
“I wanted to talk to you.” John said slowly, savouring his last mouthful of beer.
“What the fuck do we have to say to each other?”
“Plenty.” John laughed. “You always did hate talking about us.”
“What do you know about me? I’m not the Jack you know.”
“Oo… hit a nerve did I?” John teased, enjoying the power that he had over this Jack. “You’re not my John.”
“So who was he then?”
“He was you…..except different.” Jack paused, choosing to avoid John’s searching gaze.
“I didn’t mean that. I meant who was he to you.”
“What do you care?”
“We might be more similar than you think.”
“No.” Jack voice was barely a whimper. “You’d never be him.”
“Then tell me about him.”
“Why?” Jack snarled, his eyes burning as he made eye contact with John. “How has he got anything to do with you?”
“He doesn’t” John forced a soft smile, ignoring his heart that was now thundering in his chest. “But I want to know who he was. I want to know how different things were for him here.”
“Then go find out.”
“That’s what I’m doing. I figure if anyone knew him well then it would have been you. Plus I’m guessing that you want to tell me.”
“And why’s that?”
“Well face it, who else could you tell.”
“Maybe you do know me.” He forced a soft laugh, shaking his head, yet his voice was no longer as defensive as it had been. “He was my partner. We trained together, and then we worked together. Got stuck in that stupid time loop. But he became so much more than that…..” Jack paused, rubbing at his eyes. “We were life partners. Conmen yeah, but we did it together. Shared everything. That’s how I know what Jones has lost.”
“And what happened to him?” John could feel his heart straining in his chest, long forgotten. The life that he had always wanted he had had here with this Jack. It was killing him to hear about it, yet he knew that he had to listen. Had to know what he had missed.
“Morbid much?” Jack smiled darkly.
“No, I didn’t mean-”
“We were rumbled.” The Captain continued, ignoring John’s explanation, words overlapping his. “We did this huge heist in the Vegas galaxies, made millions. But we were betrayed, and as we tried to escape they came after us. Shot us both and left us for dead, taking the money. By the time help reached us, John was dead and I was barely conscious. He bled to death in my arms and there was nothing I could do to save him…….” Jack’s eyes were red, his hands shaking. “Satisfied?”
“I’m so sorry.” John managed to croak. “Really, I am.”
“It was a long time ago.”
“That doesn’t matter.”
“It did until you came here and reminded me.” His voice weak and trembling, Jack sat upright in his chair, eyes plainly meeting John’s. “Jones told me that he was your competition for me in your world.” He laughed grimly. “I’m hardly worth competing for.”
“You are.” John nodded softly, eyes wide. “You are there and you are here.” He paused, sitting forward so he could be closer to Jack. “Ianto is a better man than me; his Jack deserves more than what I can give him.” He sighed before swallowing hard. “You’re a different man in my world, You’re not like me anymore.”
“Jones said. Well, he told me that I was better.”
“Depends how you define better.”
“Not like this.” Jack breathed his voice vague and distant. “Not like me.”
“That’s not what I see. But anyway, what Ianto told you was true, I guess I did see him as competition for your, Jack’s affections.”
“So you kidnapped him?”
“No. I meant to bring Jack, bring him to this world so that it could be me and him again, without Ianto. But Ianto got in the way, and once we were here, there was nothing I could do.”
“You’ve always been jealous.” Jack’s face softened, his red eyes showing a glimmer of light within them. “I don’t get it though. Why did things never work out between us? In your world?”
“We split after the time loop. You went rogue, went off the radar for years. Then when I found you again, you’d moved on, and you were in love with Ianto. There was no place for me anymore.”
“And that’s what you wanted?”
“Yeah.” John nodded, surprised by his own honesty. “It never really was the same without you.”
“It was never the same without you either.” Their eyes meeting again, both Captain’s reached out to each other, finding the understanding that they’d been missing ever since they had been separated. Reforming the link they’d once shared.
You’re not him.
You’re not him either.
You’re the man I never was able to know.
You’re the man I used to know.
I loved him.
But you never loved me.
Could I ever feel the same for you now?
“I better go.” John stood up quickly, shutting out Jack’s thoughts along with his own. Hating how empty his mind felt without them. His thoughts had been alone for so long.
“I think you should.”
“Thanks Jack.” He shrugged, not able to look at him. “For trying to fix it.”
“It’s okay.”
“I’ll keep coming by. In case you need my help.”
“I’ll just need the co-ordinates. No other help necessary.” Jack said bluntly, face blank.
“Okay. I’ll see you around.” John didn’t wait for an answer; he left as quickly as he could. He’d let down his guard; let Jack back into his mind. The thoughts they’d shared had been out of control, the most private thoughts that you aren’t even aware you’re thinking. So intimate that your consciousness has no power, not dictation over what’s being thought, what’s being remembered. And Jack had heard them. He’d heard it all……
Captain Jack Harkness was hiding from his own conscience. His head felt as if it was splitting in two, the skin at his temple where the bullet wound had long healed still sore and bruised. As he sat on Owen’s examining table, the bright light shining into his eyes, he remembered how stupid he’d been. They didn’t deserve to have seen that, Tosh should have never discovered him, lying caked in dried blood, a gun in his limp hands, surrounded by empty packets of sleeping pills and bottles of whisky. Owen didn’t deserve to find out how Jack had lied about Ianto like that, in fact he didn’t deserve to be lied to period.
He’d been drunk, very drunk, he remembered that at least. It took a lot of alcohol to get him there, but it was possible, and once he was there, combined with the self pity, the guilt and everything in between, there was no turning back. He remembered just wanting to stop it, seeing his webley lying on his desk, looking like the end to all his problems. And then he remembered waking up, finding himself on the floor, blood everywhere. He remembered screaming, hollering until his lungs burned in his chest. He was so tired, so sick and so exhausted and just so old. He kept sleeping pills in his desk, or he’d used to, because some nights he would get so exhausted that they were the only way he could ever find peace. So he’d taken them all, hands shaking as removed them from the flimsy plastic, drank so much whisky that it made his throat raw and then he’d waited. The waiting was always the most. Kissing what could be the last minutes of life goodbye was the sweetest torture….. It had worked, marginally; he must have been unconscious for an hour or so before the combination killed him. But then he was awake again, this time oxygen burning in his throat, pounding through his bloodstream, worried eyes of Tosh and Owen around him.
“We’re not leaving you alone tonight.” Owen said bluntly, drawing one last blood sample from the Captain’s arm.
“I won’t do it again.”
“You won’t get the chance. You’re coming home with us.” The doctor paused, his back to Jack as he decanted some of the blood into a test tube. “Not often that someone commits suicide twice in one night.”
“I was drunk.” The Captain grimaced, rubbing at his temples.
“I’m aware of that. You still have quadruple the legal concentration of alcohol in your blood.”
“From where I come from, we’re more resistant to it. It doesn’t affect our bodies as much.”
“That doesn’t matter.” The doctor’s voice softened as he sat beside Jack, handing him some cotton wool to hold to his arm. “Why didn’t you tell us, Jack? We could have helped.”
“I told Tosh.” Jack said quietly, he voice drawn and withered. “She helped me with the rift calculations, helped me pin point where John had taken him. But I needed you and Gwen to look after Torchwood, to be focused.”
“I understand that, Jack.” Owen sighed, swinging his legs sub consciously. “So where do we go from here?”
“There’s nowhere to go.”
“But can’t you modify your wrist strap, you know, make it take you to Ianto?”
“Do you think if I could do that I’d still be here?!” Jack snapped, before restraining his raw emotions. “I’m sorry. I can’t, my wrist strap is broken, and even if it wasn’t, reality jumps aren’t possible as far as I know, not for us. John must have gotten some help, got the technology from somewhere else.” He exhaled loudly, eyes clamping shut, the bright lights around him still seeping through into his brain.
“Then there’s nothing we can do?”
“Nothing………” The Captain took in a deep breath, before reaching out and taking Owen’s hand. He needed to be close to someone, anyone right now. “…I’m scared, Owen.” Tears were pricking at his sore eyes now, as Jack tried to swallow all of his hurt only for it to spill from his mouth. “I’m scared I’ll never see him again………it was never supposed to happen like this.” As more tears fell from his eyes, Jack’s hands hovered in mid air, half trying to wipe his eyes, half punching at it with frustration. He felt cold hands pulling his head to Owen’s shoulder, as he sobbed out his lost hope into the empty medical bay. There was no escape anymore; Jack had to finally face reality. Ianto was gone……
Ok then, chapter 12, a success or a dud? I know I was playing with realities here (its more fun than you think! :P) But as ever, you’re comments keep me from throwing rewind (and my laptop) out of the window! Thank you!
Just Being Me
Xxxxx
Click here for the next chapter, Memories Keep You Near
Rating: 15 maybe?
Characters: Jack/Ianto, Captain John
Chapters: Sequel to “Cross Roads.”
Spoilers: Anything Torchwood could be hinted at.
Summary: Parallel Jack’s tragic past finally catches up with him. Can he ever accept what he has lost?
Disclaimer: Regrettably I own nothing, none of the characters, zip. Wish I did though. Beginning line is from the “Out Of Time” episode.
Author’s Notes: Rewind, with a difference. I went a bit experimental here, so if you don’t like it, then sorry! A big thank you has to obviously go to all the great people who read this and encourage me, as well as my beta 2nd_toshiko for being the greatest beta and to naddypants for helping me realise my JM obsession is normal :P
That’s the thing about love……..you’re always at its mercy….
“Come in, why don’t you.” Jack said sarcastically, watching as John wandered in uninvited. “Where’s Jones?”
“Gone off to meet someone.” John smiled, standing awkwardly in front of Jack. “Mind if I…..” He pointed down to the sofa.
“Not at all.” Jack nodded, standing up and heading over to his grotty looking kitchenette. “Drink?”
“Yeah, sure.” John smiled in approval, catching the brown bottle beer that the other Captain tossed in his direction. “This all you drink?” He held it up sceptically.
“Does it matter?”
“No.”
“Good.” Silence descended upon them as Jack sat down, arms hanging lazily off the arms of his chair. Neither man looked at each other, they simply sat, glugging at the beers until there was nothing left.
“Why are you here, John?” Jack questioned, tossing his empty beer bottle to the floor beside him. “This isn’t about getting Jones home anymore is it?”
“I wanted to talk to you.” John said slowly, savouring his last mouthful of beer.
“What the fuck do we have to say to each other?”
“Plenty.” John laughed. “You always did hate talking about us.”
“What do you know about me? I’m not the Jack you know.”
“Oo… hit a nerve did I?” John teased, enjoying the power that he had over this Jack. “You’re not my John.”
“So who was he then?”
“He was you…..except different.” Jack paused, choosing to avoid John’s searching gaze.
“I didn’t mean that. I meant who was he to you.”
“What do you care?”
“We might be more similar than you think.”
“No.” Jack voice was barely a whimper. “You’d never be him.”
“Then tell me about him.”
“Why?” Jack snarled, his eyes burning as he made eye contact with John. “How has he got anything to do with you?”
“He doesn’t” John forced a soft smile, ignoring his heart that was now thundering in his chest. “But I want to know who he was. I want to know how different things were for him here.”
“Then go find out.”
“That’s what I’m doing. I figure if anyone knew him well then it would have been you. Plus I’m guessing that you want to tell me.”
“And why’s that?”
“Well face it, who else could you tell.”
“Maybe you do know me.” He forced a soft laugh, shaking his head, yet his voice was no longer as defensive as it had been. “He was my partner. We trained together, and then we worked together. Got stuck in that stupid time loop. But he became so much more than that…..” Jack paused, rubbing at his eyes. “We were life partners. Conmen yeah, but we did it together. Shared everything. That’s how I know what Jones has lost.”
“And what happened to him?” John could feel his heart straining in his chest, long forgotten. The life that he had always wanted he had had here with this Jack. It was killing him to hear about it, yet he knew that he had to listen. Had to know what he had missed.
“Morbid much?” Jack smiled darkly.
“No, I didn’t mean-”
“We were rumbled.” The Captain continued, ignoring John’s explanation, words overlapping his. “We did this huge heist in the Vegas galaxies, made millions. But we were betrayed, and as we tried to escape they came after us. Shot us both and left us for dead, taking the money. By the time help reached us, John was dead and I was barely conscious. He bled to death in my arms and there was nothing I could do to save him…….” Jack’s eyes were red, his hands shaking. “Satisfied?”
“I’m so sorry.” John managed to croak. “Really, I am.”
“It was a long time ago.”
“That doesn’t matter.”
“It did until you came here and reminded me.” His voice weak and trembling, Jack sat upright in his chair, eyes plainly meeting John’s. “Jones told me that he was your competition for me in your world.” He laughed grimly. “I’m hardly worth competing for.”
“You are.” John nodded softly, eyes wide. “You are there and you are here.” He paused, sitting forward so he could be closer to Jack. “Ianto is a better man than me; his Jack deserves more than what I can give him.” He sighed before swallowing hard. “You’re a different man in my world, You’re not like me anymore.”
“Jones said. Well, he told me that I was better.”
“Depends how you define better.”
“Not like this.” Jack breathed his voice vague and distant. “Not like me.”
“That’s not what I see. But anyway, what Ianto told you was true, I guess I did see him as competition for your, Jack’s affections.”
“So you kidnapped him?”
“No. I meant to bring Jack, bring him to this world so that it could be me and him again, without Ianto. But Ianto got in the way, and once we were here, there was nothing I could do.”
“You’ve always been jealous.” Jack’s face softened, his red eyes showing a glimmer of light within them. “I don’t get it though. Why did things never work out between us? In your world?”
“We split after the time loop. You went rogue, went off the radar for years. Then when I found you again, you’d moved on, and you were in love with Ianto. There was no place for me anymore.”
“And that’s what you wanted?”
“Yeah.” John nodded, surprised by his own honesty. “It never really was the same without you.”
“It was never the same without you either.” Their eyes meeting again, both Captain’s reached out to each other, finding the understanding that they’d been missing ever since they had been separated. Reforming the link they’d once shared.
You’re not him.
You’re not him either.
You’re the man I never was able to know.
You’re the man I used to know.
I loved him.
But you never loved me.
Could I ever feel the same for you now?
“I better go.” John stood up quickly, shutting out Jack’s thoughts along with his own. Hating how empty his mind felt without them. His thoughts had been alone for so long.
“I think you should.”
“Thanks Jack.” He shrugged, not able to look at him. “For trying to fix it.”
“It’s okay.”
“I’ll keep coming by. In case you need my help.”
“I’ll just need the co-ordinates. No other help necessary.” Jack said bluntly, face blank.
“Okay. I’ll see you around.” John didn’t wait for an answer; he left as quickly as he could. He’d let down his guard; let Jack back into his mind. The thoughts they’d shared had been out of control, the most private thoughts that you aren’t even aware you’re thinking. So intimate that your consciousness has no power, not dictation over what’s being thought, what’s being remembered. And Jack had heard them. He’d heard it all……
Captain Jack Harkness was hiding from his own conscience. His head felt as if it was splitting in two, the skin at his temple where the bullet wound had long healed still sore and bruised. As he sat on Owen’s examining table, the bright light shining into his eyes, he remembered how stupid he’d been. They didn’t deserve to have seen that, Tosh should have never discovered him, lying caked in dried blood, a gun in his limp hands, surrounded by empty packets of sleeping pills and bottles of whisky. Owen didn’t deserve to find out how Jack had lied about Ianto like that, in fact he didn’t deserve to be lied to period.
He’d been drunk, very drunk, he remembered that at least. It took a lot of alcohol to get him there, but it was possible, and once he was there, combined with the self pity, the guilt and everything in between, there was no turning back. He remembered just wanting to stop it, seeing his webley lying on his desk, looking like the end to all his problems. And then he remembered waking up, finding himself on the floor, blood everywhere. He remembered screaming, hollering until his lungs burned in his chest. He was so tired, so sick and so exhausted and just so old. He kept sleeping pills in his desk, or he’d used to, because some nights he would get so exhausted that they were the only way he could ever find peace. So he’d taken them all, hands shaking as removed them from the flimsy plastic, drank so much whisky that it made his throat raw and then he’d waited. The waiting was always the most. Kissing what could be the last minutes of life goodbye was the sweetest torture….. It had worked, marginally; he must have been unconscious for an hour or so before the combination killed him. But then he was awake again, this time oxygen burning in his throat, pounding through his bloodstream, worried eyes of Tosh and Owen around him.
“We’re not leaving you alone tonight.” Owen said bluntly, drawing one last blood sample from the Captain’s arm.
“I won’t do it again.”
“You won’t get the chance. You’re coming home with us.” The doctor paused, his back to Jack as he decanted some of the blood into a test tube. “Not often that someone commits suicide twice in one night.”
“I was drunk.” The Captain grimaced, rubbing at his temples.
“I’m aware of that. You still have quadruple the legal concentration of alcohol in your blood.”
“From where I come from, we’re more resistant to it. It doesn’t affect our bodies as much.”
“That doesn’t matter.” The doctor’s voice softened as he sat beside Jack, handing him some cotton wool to hold to his arm. “Why didn’t you tell us, Jack? We could have helped.”
“I told Tosh.” Jack said quietly, he voice drawn and withered. “She helped me with the rift calculations, helped me pin point where John had taken him. But I needed you and Gwen to look after Torchwood, to be focused.”
“I understand that, Jack.” Owen sighed, swinging his legs sub consciously. “So where do we go from here?”
“There’s nowhere to go.”
“But can’t you modify your wrist strap, you know, make it take you to Ianto?”
“Do you think if I could do that I’d still be here?!” Jack snapped, before restraining his raw emotions. “I’m sorry. I can’t, my wrist strap is broken, and even if it wasn’t, reality jumps aren’t possible as far as I know, not for us. John must have gotten some help, got the technology from somewhere else.” He exhaled loudly, eyes clamping shut, the bright lights around him still seeping through into his brain.
“Then there’s nothing we can do?”
“Nothing………” The Captain took in a deep breath, before reaching out and taking Owen’s hand. He needed to be close to someone, anyone right now. “…I’m scared, Owen.” Tears were pricking at his sore eyes now, as Jack tried to swallow all of his hurt only for it to spill from his mouth. “I’m scared I’ll never see him again………it was never supposed to happen like this.” As more tears fell from his eyes, Jack’s hands hovered in mid air, half trying to wipe his eyes, half punching at it with frustration. He felt cold hands pulling his head to Owen’s shoulder, as he sobbed out his lost hope into the empty medical bay. There was no escape anymore; Jack had to finally face reality. Ianto was gone……
Ok then, chapter 12, a success or a dud? I know I was playing with realities here (its more fun than you think! :P) But as ever, you’re comments keep me from throwing rewind (and my laptop) out of the window! Thank you!
Just Being Me
Xxxxx
Click here for the next chapter, Memories Keep You Near