RGCO Concert 2007
This entry is editted multiple times.
I know there will be consequences after this performance, just waiting for it to occur. Things will start spreading, but its my fault. Its my fault for being so scared, so stiff, and playing things that dont even pass my own standards or expectations. I guess it all lies with mental preparation, since I can afford to play such badly during the 4pm show, then I must be able to live up to all the criticisms spread around later in that particular place. Because I didnt have the own self discipline to calm myself down, then I cant complain much, just gotta prove myself.
After the 4pm concert, I am just unmotivated. I lost all my self confidence, lost all my self worth, really thought that I couldnt do it anymore for 7pm concert. I was laughing when I said all that to people, but I really meant what I said. My heart aches and screams out in despair, but my face just shows any other emotions other than sadness. I am incapable of crying, at most tears just well up slightly, and the next moment its gone. I so wanted to cry and let everything out, but nothing did. It was just running all over my brain, all over my heart, killing off my motivation/ killing off my soul. Joyce was telling me she never seen me sad at all haha. I think thats a good thing actually, because I can hide emotions to a certain extent yeah. Later Ms Chionh came to ask me how was the afternoon and told me alot of people said they played better, and I started to think things through. No point thinking about the 4pm show anymore, because 7.30pm is a new beginning and we are going to show others what we are worth. Make it up for ourselves!
7pm was still quite good afterall, although I didnt play my normal standard, but as long as its better than 4pm, still feel kinda happy. Dont dare give myself too many excuses, such as KS chee being unsuitable for perf cos too close to audience and easier to feel scared (as said by wls), or the changing of basics during lesson or whatsoever, shall just overcome it slowly for SCHOOL perf (cos I can only perform in vch/sch for okay standard zzz. but no chance to play in school already, which is kinda YAY oops.)
Quite glad didnt ask situlaoshi to come, if not he will be appalled ><
Oh and random: WLS was making faces during guan dong can, then I nearly burst out laughing hahahaha. :X
But RGCO, I seriously think we did a great job for night concert, had alot of good comments! (: Just 3 weeks of learning everything from scratch issnt easy, so I am glad we pulled through. Alot of us, when asked about CO's standard, would probably say its really bad, and dont expect too much out of our concert, but really, just 3 weeks and we could reach the night concert's standard is already very good. Wanglaoshi always told me, "RGCO is different. We can create miracles within a short period of time." and I truly think we created quite a miracle for last night's concert. (: RGCO, thanks for coming down for those extra prac and for putting so much hard work into concert07. RGCO we rock yeah!
And after this concert, it might be that some people would critisize us for the afternoon concert, just like last year. But if it does get to your ears, dont get so affected okay. (: No orchestra is perfect, so as long as we know we did our best, and enjoyed ourselves, whats more? A concert in school is for gaining experience, so as long as we achieved that aim, then its good. We are the performers, we are the ones who have the highest standards for ourselves; we play for ourselves/for our passion/ for our hard work, and not totally for others yeah.
For tanboyue, I think we really bonded quite a bit during those times of Wednesday, Saturday additional pracs, and worrying together for our tanbo qizou. And that day when we all got scolded by WLS for not being able to play such an easy song, but in our hearts we knew it wasnt easy. The changing of tempos, the going in and out of different instruments and the coordination; it wasnt that easy. It takes alot of mo4 qi4 to pull that song off, its not like you can just stare at someone for kuaiban and everything would be fine. But tanbo, we really really managed it quite well, esp. for the night! (Wangui from CCO said that tby was the best yest night! XD Okay uh not to flame other sections, cos I think every section is actually quite on par haha. But let me feel biased towards tby for this once okay!) Very proud of you guys tanbo! :D
Thanks Sijia and Qianwen for being such great Sectional Leaders, and adding those extra pracs and managing them well to make us improve so much. (Tanbo item was the first to be cancelled out in that beginning of the 3 weeks actually, because we were really cmi ><)
Thanks Huiwen and Linghui for coming down on those extra Thursdays to prac with us! (Yay Huiwen back to same xiaozu days :D)
Thanks Geraldine, Kelly, Sarah and Yunan (rgco liuqin) for putting effort into the song! (Esp. Kelly, I think you really improved in this process (: And Yunan, gain confidence okay!)
Great thanks to pipa and zhongruan! (Weiyiweiyi, get well soon!)
But last, but DEFINITELY not least, gotta thank Zhangtianyun laoshi. She worried so much for our item, and put in her best efforts to improve our section. Shes really dedicated and the best tanbo sectional teacher ever! <3 She gains my respect. (:
For the success of the concert, I wanna thank some people here.
Thanks Qianqian, Melissa, the CO teachers and RGCOconcertcomm (esp. Sijia for ticketing, Dawn and Qianwen for backstage, Yihui and Yumin for costumes, Victoria for prog bklet, Joss for frontstage, Nicole and Jass for banner, Yubo for design, etcetc) for all the efforts into making our concert possible.
Thanks Chinese Drama (esp. the lighting people) and AVPA for being so accomodating to the last minute notices. (Really thanks alot to CD for the lightings!)
Thanks to those who encouraged me lots and lots after I felt discouraged. (Esp. Zhangtianyun laoshi, she really motivated me alot today. Also to Wanglaoshi, but I kinda failed her sigh.)
Thanks to everyone who came! :D (Thanks esp. to Shaodong and Wangui for the flowers for RGCO. We were shocked when we saw it this morning, totally added pressure haha! Also thanks to Esther/Yunzhen for the turtle, Cindy/Felicia for the bookmark alike thing, Jinghan/Yunyi for the chocolate, Kuoying/Audrey for the chocolate, Mr Lim for the balloon, the juniors (sarah, kelly, yunan) for the motivational letter, the sec 2 juniors of tanbo for the packet of things which I havent opened yet, Sijia for the chocolate waffle, the xianyue seniors for the rose, Jingxuan for her lollipop, Zhaomeng for her chocolate marshmallows, Shusi for the flower, etcetc! Really thanks alot for coming!)
Because RGCO Liuqin is cool like that. 8D
Qian and Mel love!
Huiwen and Nina love!
Qianwen and her mad conductor stick haha!
After concert means stepping down, means no more co prac, means lesser time with batchmates (hope not) and juniors, means alot of things. Also means no more aim to look to in my rgco life, means focusing on lq lessons/on kaoji, means working hard for academics, means losing some sort of integral part of my music life, means..
Because RGCO has so many meanings and value to me, really cant say everything out so clearly. This is cliche, but joining RGCO is the one of the best things ever happened in my life. Because of RGCO, I found my passion, I found friends who are forever, I found alotalot of things close to my heart. The thought of ending my RGCO life never really occurred to me and the idea of stepping down never really dawned upon me either. My Sec 1 days are still so clear in my brain and it seemed like yesterday.
Yet today, my last concert is over (to think that its the FIRST concert for my other three liuqin juniors, gosh I am old) and ready to pass on to the next batch of passionate people as well. (:
When I was doing briefing to the different sections about what would happen today, eventally I came to this point where I said, "Okay then concert will be over". Suddenly it just dawned on me that this is indeed the last concert I play with RGCO officially as a member; this is officially the last event with my batchamtes and juniors. It was kinda sad, sigh.
I really had a great time with RGCO, and really dont feel like leaving at all. It can continue on and on for the rest of my life, and I think I will never get tired of it. It provided joy, and lighted up my dull academics life. Really, what spurs me on in a school day is CCA.
Sec 1, stepping into this new family. Breaking a string on the first day of prac, being close to Kaman, Yifang and Waiying. Then they left, and the line I remember most is from Waiying. She told she disliked some batchmates because they only treated RGCO as a cca. I didnt understand why at that time, but now I do. Because RGCO is more than a cca. (: I really carried those words with me, through this four years of co life.
Sec 2, became independent. Seniors didnt teach, so was dying with Geraldine out there. But I learnt the most in sec 2, because no one really taught me anything, I made alot of self discoveries. (: Also got scolded by certain seniors that year, and got really pissed off. Like their section cant even make it, and then they started scolding Gera and I. But thinking of it now, somehow I am glad it happened, because I really pracced more and became better after that. (: SYF year as well, really became passionate. Formed f5cz! :D
Sec 3, seniors all gone and had no tanbo teacher, became liuqin zz. Started taking lessons, and had a hard time coping with the new and old jibengong. Had juniors! (: Also more involved with all the RGCO planning stuff. Ended off with cochair interviews, and undergone quite alot of politics. But glad its over. Also spun off to taking kaoji during end of year, and was pleasantly shocked to get dist haha. First dist, yay thanks laoshi.
Sec 4, glad to serve my term as vchair. Qian is really a greatgreat wonderful chair! (: Learnt alot through this process, especially juggling between various stuff. Didnt have so much time for xiaozu anymore (cos of running around and stuff), so quite sad for that part. But I really loved working with RGCOcomm, and having the chance to lead RGCO for syf, concert, and all the other performances we have, with Qianqian. (: All the talks with Mel were really nice too! :D And then there was the spunoff to CCO haha.
Throughout these 4 years, all the people I crossed my paths with left a really deep impact in my life.
Esp. Geraldine for going through so much with me as my other liuqin batchmate! :D
Hezheng laoshi for giving me a start in my co life.
Wanglaoshi for giving me so many opportunities and having confidence in me.
Zhangtianyun laoshi for being so dedicated.
Huiwen for being my co bestie! :D (which encompasses so many things, loveya Huiwen!)
Qianwen for being my confidante!
Jingxuan for being the spark off for having passion in my co life. :D
F5cz for being the greatest friends ever!
Qianqian and Mel for being the best partners whom I can ever work with. We really went through quite alot together this year yeah! (: Love!
Yifang, Waiying, Kaman, Siewtheng and Liqin, for being the first batch of seniors I have and teaching me lots and lots.
The juniors: Sarah, Kelly, Yunan, Dengqing, Tienli, Weiyi; for being the best and most supportive juniors I can ever have.
The chairpersons: Yinqi and Huiling (2004), Rachel and Zhaomeng (2005), Sherry and Selene (2006) for making every year of CO so wonderful.
&&& Many others. You might think you didnt impact me, but you did in one way or the other. (: Like Yingxuan, Cassandra, Joyce Liu, Jasselyn, Nicole, Dawn, Kweky, Wenyun, Nina, Izabel (the sec 2 xianyue!), Jiahui, etcetc (might as well start listing down all the batches of RGCOians. Somemore this year we have 140 members like WOAHZ) But thanks and love!
Next thing, would be farewell already. Cant really bear to see the juniors go. You guys are really great juniors.. And cant bear to distance from batchmates too, must see each other in RJCO hahahaha. Oops. (Wah cant wait to be a junior again! :D) Lets leave all the emotional things to farewell ba, since this is not the official ending yet. Am not very good with my words, but just to say,
RGCO I LOVE YOU! :D
Down that stage of memories and love indeed. (:
__________________________________
Because you exuded protectionism, but yet the next moment, the restrictions are gone, and it became free trade. I am just thrown out to the world without any of your subsidies and aid. For a while, I totally felt nothing anymore, maybe cos I was too busy (but theres still a part of yearning). Now it just suddenly came back and hit me hard, like why can you just step away and leave feelings hanging all over the place. You brought me up high, and just threw me down just like that again. But I was mentally prepared this time round.
To think I saw some hope haha. But this time, I am really going to erase out all the hopes yeah. It was just a hope without an ending.
I know there will be consequences after this performance, just waiting for it to occur. Things will start spreading, but its my fault. Its my fault for being so scared, so stiff, and playing things that dont even pass my own standards or expectations. I guess it all lies with mental preparation, since I can afford to play such badly during the 4pm show, then I must be able to live up to all the criticisms spread around later in that particular place. Because I didnt have the own self discipline to calm myself down, then I cant complain much, just gotta prove myself.
After the 4pm concert, I am just unmotivated. I lost all my self confidence, lost all my self worth, really thought that I couldnt do it anymore for 7pm concert. I was laughing when I said all that to people, but I really meant what I said. My heart aches and screams out in despair, but my face just shows any other emotions other than sadness. I am incapable of crying, at most tears just well up slightly, and the next moment its gone. I so wanted to cry and let everything out, but nothing did. It was just running all over my brain, all over my heart, killing off my motivation/ killing off my soul. Joyce was telling me she never seen me sad at all haha. I think thats a good thing actually, because I can hide emotions to a certain extent yeah. Later Ms Chionh came to ask me how was the afternoon and told me alot of people said they played better, and I started to think things through. No point thinking about the 4pm show anymore, because 7.30pm is a new beginning and we are going to show others what we are worth. Make it up for ourselves!
7pm was still quite good afterall, although I didnt play my normal standard, but as long as its better than 4pm, still feel kinda happy. Dont dare give myself too many excuses, such as KS chee being unsuitable for perf cos too close to audience and easier to feel scared (as said by wls), or the changing of basics during lesson or whatsoever, shall just overcome it slowly for SCHOOL perf (cos I can only perform in vch/sch for okay standard zzz. but no chance to play in school already, which is kinda YAY oops.)
Quite glad didnt ask situlaoshi to come, if not he will be appalled ><
Oh and random: WLS was making faces during guan dong can, then I nearly burst out laughing hahahaha. :X
But RGCO, I seriously think we did a great job for night concert, had alot of good comments! (: Just 3 weeks of learning everything from scratch issnt easy, so I am glad we pulled through. Alot of us, when asked about CO's standard, would probably say its really bad, and dont expect too much out of our concert, but really, just 3 weeks and we could reach the night concert's standard is already very good. Wanglaoshi always told me, "RGCO is different. We can create miracles within a short period of time." and I truly think we created quite a miracle for last night's concert. (: RGCO, thanks for coming down for those extra prac and for putting so much hard work into concert07. RGCO we rock yeah!
And after this concert, it might be that some people would critisize us for the afternoon concert, just like last year. But if it does get to your ears, dont get so affected okay. (: No orchestra is perfect, so as long as we know we did our best, and enjoyed ourselves, whats more? A concert in school is for gaining experience, so as long as we achieved that aim, then its good. We are the performers, we are the ones who have the highest standards for ourselves; we play for ourselves/for our passion/ for our hard work, and not totally for others yeah.
For tanboyue, I think we really bonded quite a bit during those times of Wednesday, Saturday additional pracs, and worrying together for our tanbo qizou. And that day when we all got scolded by WLS for not being able to play such an easy song, but in our hearts we knew it wasnt easy. The changing of tempos, the going in and out of different instruments and the coordination; it wasnt that easy. It takes alot of mo4 qi4 to pull that song off, its not like you can just stare at someone for kuaiban and everything would be fine. But tanbo, we really really managed it quite well, esp. for the night! (Wangui from CCO said that tby was the best yest night! XD Okay uh not to flame other sections, cos I think every section is actually quite on par haha. But let me feel biased towards tby for this once okay!) Very proud of you guys tanbo! :D
Thanks Sijia and Qianwen for being such great Sectional Leaders, and adding those extra pracs and managing them well to make us improve so much. (Tanbo item was the first to be cancelled out in that beginning of the 3 weeks actually, because we were really cmi ><)
Thanks Huiwen and Linghui for coming down on those extra Thursdays to prac with us! (Yay Huiwen back to same xiaozu days :D)
Thanks Geraldine, Kelly, Sarah and Yunan (rgco liuqin) for putting effort into the song! (Esp. Kelly, I think you really improved in this process (: And Yunan, gain confidence okay!)
Great thanks to pipa and zhongruan! (Weiyiweiyi, get well soon!)
But last, but DEFINITELY not least, gotta thank Zhangtianyun laoshi. She worried so much for our item, and put in her best efforts to improve our section. Shes really dedicated and the best tanbo sectional teacher ever! <3 She gains my respect. (:
For the success of the concert, I wanna thank some people here.
Thanks Qianqian, Melissa, the CO teachers and RGCOconcertcomm (esp. Sijia for ticketing, Dawn and Qianwen for backstage, Yihui and Yumin for costumes, Victoria for prog bklet, Joss for frontstage, Nicole and Jass for banner, Yubo for design, etcetc) for all the efforts into making our concert possible.
Thanks Chinese Drama (esp. the lighting people) and AVPA for being so accomodating to the last minute notices. (Really thanks alot to CD for the lightings!)
Thanks to those who encouraged me lots and lots after I felt discouraged. (Esp. Zhangtianyun laoshi, she really motivated me alot today. Also to Wanglaoshi, but I kinda failed her sigh.)
Thanks to everyone who came! :D (Thanks esp. to Shaodong and Wangui for the flowers for RGCO. We were shocked when we saw it this morning, totally added pressure haha! Also thanks to Esther/Yunzhen for the turtle, Cindy/Felicia for the bookmark alike thing, Jinghan/Yunyi for the chocolate, Kuoying/Audrey for the chocolate, Mr Lim for the balloon, the juniors (sarah, kelly, yunan) for the motivational letter, the sec 2 juniors of tanbo for the packet of things which I havent opened yet, Sijia for the chocolate waffle, the xianyue seniors for the rose, Jingxuan for her lollipop, Zhaomeng for her chocolate marshmallows, Shusi for the flower, etcetc! Really thanks alot for coming!)
Because RGCO Liuqin is cool like that. 8D
Qian and Mel love!
Huiwen and Nina love!
Qianwen and her mad conductor stick haha!
After concert means stepping down, means no more co prac, means lesser time with batchmates (hope not) and juniors, means alot of things. Also means no more aim to look to in my rgco life, means focusing on lq lessons/on kaoji, means working hard for academics, means losing some sort of integral part of my music life, means..
Because RGCO has so many meanings and value to me, really cant say everything out so clearly. This is cliche, but joining RGCO is the one of the best things ever happened in my life. Because of RGCO, I found my passion, I found friends who are forever, I found alotalot of things close to my heart. The thought of ending my RGCO life never really occurred to me and the idea of stepping down never really dawned upon me either. My Sec 1 days are still so clear in my brain and it seemed like yesterday.
Yet today, my last concert is over (to think that its the FIRST concert for my other three liuqin juniors, gosh I am old) and ready to pass on to the next batch of passionate people as well. (:
When I was doing briefing to the different sections about what would happen today, eventally I came to this point where I said, "Okay then concert will be over". Suddenly it just dawned on me that this is indeed the last concert I play with RGCO officially as a member; this is officially the last event with my batchamtes and juniors. It was kinda sad, sigh.
I really had a great time with RGCO, and really dont feel like leaving at all. It can continue on and on for the rest of my life, and I think I will never get tired of it. It provided joy, and lighted up my dull academics life. Really, what spurs me on in a school day is CCA.
Sec 1, stepping into this new family. Breaking a string on the first day of prac, being close to Kaman, Yifang and Waiying. Then they left, and the line I remember most is from Waiying. She told she disliked some batchmates because they only treated RGCO as a cca. I didnt understand why at that time, but now I do. Because RGCO is more than a cca. (: I really carried those words with me, through this four years of co life.
Sec 2, became independent. Seniors didnt teach, so was dying with Geraldine out there. But I learnt the most in sec 2, because no one really taught me anything, I made alot of self discoveries. (: Also got scolded by certain seniors that year, and got really pissed off. Like their section cant even make it, and then they started scolding Gera and I. But thinking of it now, somehow I am glad it happened, because I really pracced more and became better after that. (: SYF year as well, really became passionate. Formed f5cz! :D
Sec 3, seniors all gone and had no tanbo teacher, became liuqin zz. Started taking lessons, and had a hard time coping with the new and old jibengong. Had juniors! (: Also more involved with all the RGCO planning stuff. Ended off with cochair interviews, and undergone quite alot of politics. But glad its over. Also spun off to taking kaoji during end of year, and was pleasantly shocked to get dist haha. First dist, yay thanks laoshi.
Sec 4, glad to serve my term as vchair. Qian is really a greatgreat wonderful chair! (: Learnt alot through this process, especially juggling between various stuff. Didnt have so much time for xiaozu anymore (cos of running around and stuff), so quite sad for that part. But I really loved working with RGCOcomm, and having the chance to lead RGCO for syf, concert, and all the other performances we have, with Qianqian. (: All the talks with Mel were really nice too! :D And then there was the spunoff to CCO haha.
Throughout these 4 years, all the people I crossed my paths with left a really deep impact in my life.
Esp. Geraldine for going through so much with me as my other liuqin batchmate! :D
Hezheng laoshi for giving me a start in my co life.
Wanglaoshi for giving me so many opportunities and having confidence in me.
Zhangtianyun laoshi for being so dedicated.
Huiwen for being my co bestie! :D (which encompasses so many things, loveya Huiwen!)
Qianwen for being my confidante!
Jingxuan for being the spark off for having passion in my co life. :D
F5cz for being the greatest friends ever!
Qianqian and Mel for being the best partners whom I can ever work with. We really went through quite alot together this year yeah! (: Love!
Yifang, Waiying, Kaman, Siewtheng and Liqin, for being the first batch of seniors I have and teaching me lots and lots.
The juniors: Sarah, Kelly, Yunan, Dengqing, Tienli, Weiyi; for being the best and most supportive juniors I can ever have.
The chairpersons: Yinqi and Huiling (2004), Rachel and Zhaomeng (2005), Sherry and Selene (2006) for making every year of CO so wonderful.
&&& Many others. You might think you didnt impact me, but you did in one way or the other. (: Like Yingxuan, Cassandra, Joyce Liu, Jasselyn, Nicole, Dawn, Kweky, Wenyun, Nina, Izabel (the sec 2 xianyue!), Jiahui, etcetc (might as well start listing down all the batches of RGCOians. Somemore this year we have 140 members like WOAHZ) But thanks and love!
Next thing, would be farewell already. Cant really bear to see the juniors go. You guys are really great juniors.. And cant bear to distance from batchmates too, must see each other in RJCO hahahaha. Oops. (Wah cant wait to be a junior again! :D) Lets leave all the emotional things to farewell ba, since this is not the official ending yet. Am not very good with my words, but just to say,
RGCO I LOVE YOU! :D
Down that stage of memories and love indeed. (:
__________________________________
Because you exuded protectionism, but yet the next moment, the restrictions are gone, and it became free trade. I am just thrown out to the world without any of your subsidies and aid. For a while, I totally felt nothing anymore, maybe cos I was too busy (but theres still a part of yearning). Now it just suddenly came back and hit me hard, like why can you just step away and leave feelings hanging all over the place. You brought me up high, and just threw me down just like that again. But I was mentally prepared this time round.
To think I saw some hope haha. But this time, I am really going to erase out all the hopes yeah. It was just a hope without an ending.