seventeen; fall for you (2/2)
part 1
"My parents were against my interest in music since I was little. They kept trying to lure me out of music and keep me away from instruments I wanted to try so bad, but I was too stubborn to give up. They moved permanently to America when I was in middle school, and that was the time I decided I should do what I wanted to do in my life. Our relationship has never been really good after that, but I understand. They're busy, and they have a reason to hate me."
"They don't hate you," Seokmin frowns, "maybe they don't believe you now, but when you're in a big success five years later, they will be happy they let you do what you wanted five years back."
Jisoo laughs dryly. "My life is harder than you think, Seokmin."
"And you are so much more than you think, Jisoo sunbae."
Jisoo turns his head, "What?"
Seokmin shrugs, looking at the sky to avoid Jisoo's eyes. "I don't want you to think your life has stopped even when they told you you can't play guitar anymore. Do you think your friends will stop being your friends if you don't play guitar? Do you think people will hate you so easily because you're no longer that awesome guitarist of school's vocal group? The answer is, no. And I don't have to know you for years to say this, because I know. On the day we met for the first time, I know you're special, and nothing could change it."
Jisoo freezes, can't believe what he was just heard. He waits for Seokmin to realise what he's doing, but Seokmin just exhales slowly and smiles at Jisoo, and that's all it takes for Jisoo before leaning in to kiss Seokmin.
The kiss is actually not really a kiss, only a peck on the lips. Jisoo is hesitant, and Seokmin is unmoving - but then Seokmin closes his eyes and Jisoo knows what he's doing is right, so he pulls Seokmin closer to kiss him again, properly this time.
When they pull away, Seokmin opens his eyes to stare at Jisoo, and Jisoo swears he sees stars on the younger's boy dark pupil.
(Seokmin sings him a song about stars, and tells him when his father passed away years ago.
"He was the reason I wanted to be a singer. He wanted me to be in a group, so I worked hard to be in JIhoon sunbae;s group, because I know his standard for his team is above average. My father passed away when I was practicing for a competition, and the hospital didn't tell me until I finished."
"How come? I mean, it's your father and when he's in critical condition, you should know immediately."
"My father told the doctors not to," Seokmin answers, "he didn't want to interrupt my practice. My entire family blamed me for that, I did too, I couldn't forgive myself that I let my father go like that."
"Are you still feeling guilty, now?"
Seokmin shakes his head, lowering his vision to the ground. "I don't know. Whatever I do can't bring him back, and the scar would always visible for me. But another part of me believes he still can see me from above, and I want to make him proud of me, no matter what. I can't give up on my dream, just like you."
Jisoo squeezes Seokmin's hand, smiling reassuringly. "You're half-way there."
Seokmin smiles back, nodding. "Not without you."
Seokmin tells him that Jisoo is important, so important Seokmin wants to fight for him with everything he has. Jisoo wants to say he feels exactly the same towards the younger, but he doesn't know how to put it on words, so he tilts Seokmin's chin and kisses him again, again, again.
For the first time after what seems like forever, Jisoo feels alive again.)
"I'm glad you and Seokmin are finally a something," Junghan says cheerfully, helping Jisoo packing his bag on the day he discharged from the hospital a week later. "Okay, not officially something, but I'm still glad you both know about each other's feeling and it makes me happy. Really happy."
Jisoo laughs, he remembers how Junghan was squealing like a girl when he told the pretty boy everything about that night on Seokmin's house. Junghan sounded genuinely happy about him, and Jisoo couldn't be more thankful.
"Yeah, thank you for being a supportive best friend. Though I'm disappointed you didn't get me updated about that Scoops guy and his relationship with you."
Junghan frowns, trying to catch the point. His eyes widen a second before he bursts into laughter, and needs exactly two minutes to get a hold of himself again.
"That guy, right. His name is actually Seungcheol, and he's quite... nice? I mean, put the pervert and weird parts aside, and you'll get a goddamn attractive and handsome young man."
"So? Do you still need me to be your company for whatever event you're attending tomorrow?"
"Ah, you remembered!" Junghan puts Jisoo's bag down to pinch his cheeks, hard. "Of course, I still need you. That Seungcheol can try again on the next occasion."
Jisoo laughs. "You're such a heartbreaker."
The event Junghan talked about is a product launching party, hosted by a renowned cosmetic brand that Junghan adores so much. Jisoo doesn't know how in the world did Junghan get the invitation - but the party is so enjoyable so far, even for Jisoo who doesn't understand make-ups and cosmetics.
"Enjoy the party?" Junghan hands him a drink, then looking at his surrounding in awe. "If you're not, you definitely have to. This event is amazing."
"I am, don't worry," Jisoo laughs. "And if you get free product samples, don't forget to give me some. I want to try it, too."
"I'll make sure I get double," Junghan winks. "I'm going to look around there, do you want to come with me?"
"No, I'll wait here," Jisoo pauses, his phone vibrating on his pocket. "I got a call. Let's meet again here after you're done, okay?"
Junghan nods, walking to the opposite direction with Jisoo who's looking for quieter place to answer the call.
It's Jihoon, and suddenly Jisoo had a bad feeling.
"Yes, Jihoon?"
"Where are you right now?"
"I'm at Hongdae, why?"
"Seokmin was brought to the hospital after he coughed blood and fell unconscious on practice today. Can you please... do something? I don't know his parents' contacts and you know his address, so you can, I don't know, pick his parents up? And--"
"Text me the hospital and the room, I'll call you again later."
Jisoo almost throws his phone away and he enters the room to find Junghan, but the ball room is too crowded for a quick scanning. Jisoo tries to call Junghan, but he doesn't answer. Jisoo bites his lower lip, frustrated. He can't leave Junghan without telling him anything, but he doesn't have much time.
When his eyes catches Junghan in the crowd, Jisoo runs to the boy and grabs his hand, startling him.
"Jisoo, what's wrong?"
"I'm sorry I have to go," Jisoo says, voice trembling. "Seokmin was brought to the hospital. I don't know why, and I need to find out as soon as possible. I'm sorry, Junghan, I really am."
"Yes, but--"
"I'll explain everything later. Later, okay? I have to go now!"
Jisoo sprints to where he parks his car, driving in silent. Everything feels like slow motion, Jisoo thinks, and he's afraid, too afraid.
Only Jihoon and Seungkwan are there when Jisoo arrives. They look up and ask simultaneously, "Where's his parents?"
"His mother is going to be here soon. His father passed away years ago." Jisoo answers, almost breathless. "How's he?"
"Severe laryngitis and acute fatigue, but the doctor is still waiting for some test result to decide whether he needs a surgery or not. Seems like his throat was not in a good condition these days but he didn't take it seriously, and kept practicing to his limit every day."
I want to make him proud of me, the words are still warm on Jisoo's head. The national competition is Seokmin's first participation on a big event, the reason why it is so important to him. But now Seokmin has hurt himself, and Jisoo can't let him do it further.
"Is he able to see a visitor?"
Seungkwan nods. "The doctor said yes, but don't make him talk too much, it will hurt his throat more. If he needs something, remind him to press the bell and write it down."
Jisoo nods, carefully pushing the door open and a part of him broke seeing Seokmin on the bed, looks nothing like the usual loud and cheerful boy he knows. Seokmin smiles weakly at him, mouthing him a sorry.
"Silly, what are you sorry for?" Jisoo tries to melt the ice, sitting beside Seokmin's bed. "You told me not to worry about people. Now you're like this, how could I not worry about you?"
Seokmin tugs on Jisoo's hand and writes on his palm using his index finger, that's why I'm saying sorry.
"It's okay, you'll be okay," Jisoo pauses to stroke Seokmin's hair softly, "your mother is going to be here soon."
Seokmin reaches Jisoo's hand again, writing the doctor said I couldn't sing anymore.
Jisoo frowns, "What?"
They said something about I hurt my throat, and it's been going for a long time. Seokmin bites his lower lip to hold back his tears, even with surgery, they can't guarantee I can get my old voice back.
Jisoo feels his lungs stop taking oxygen on his surrounding. He holds Seokmin's hand, tightly, his tears rolling down to his cheek without a warning when Seokmin starts sobbing soundlessly beside him.
And Jisoo feels like a piece of shattered glass.
It's broken, and it hurts.
Jihoon almost passes out when he hears the complete news about Seokmin.
"Does that mean he can't join the team? The competition is a fucking month away!"
Jisoo sighs, "He needs at least three months to heal the organ after surgery, and another three months with speech therapist, so yeah, he can't join your team. He cried for hours because of this."
"Oh my god, oh my god," Jihoon facepalms, "I can't believe this is actually happening."
"Me too..." Jisoo says quietly, looking down to his feet. Seeing Seokmin like this hurts him more than when he woke up in the hospital, wounds and pains all over his body. Seeing Seokmin hurts and at risk of losing his biggest dream, to make his father proud of him, hurts him more than he could ever imagine.
His phone vibrates on his pocket, and a message pops up on the screen. It's from Junghan. Asshole, it says.
Jisoo smiles weakly, slides his finger on the screen to call the message sender. "I know I am, thank you for saying it right on my face." is the first thing he says when Junghan answers his call.
"No worries, if I were you I'd do exactly the same. I got a ride home, so you don't have to feel guilty."
"I'm really sorry," Jisoo says, voice getting lower the more he speaks. "What should I do, Junghan?"
"Is it that bad?" Junghan asks, concerned. "Mind to share with me?"
"Aren't you at home? Wait, should I pick you up or--"
"I'm right behind you, Jisoo."
Jisoo frowns at his phone, but he still turns around and - wow, Junghan is really there, holding the phone to his ear. Junghan shrugs, smiling. "Thought that my best friend would need me to talk, so I came here."
Jisoo breathes out in relief. "Yeah, let's talk."
Jisoo tells Junghan everything -- some incoherent words are involved, but Junghan doesn't cut him off. He just listens until Jisoo is exhausted and bumps his head to the table surface, fortunately he's done talking.
Junghan pats his friend on the back, soothing him. "Be there when he needs you. Hold his hand, walk beside him. He was there when you're on your worst, now is your turn to do the same."
"His life is not going to be the same anymore, and that's the part I couldn't change."
"Okay, I know it's not going to be easy, but let me ask. Are you going to leave him because he can't sing anymore?"
Jisoo shakes his head, surprised by the question. "Of course not?"
"Are you going to ignore him because he can't sing you your favorite song anymore?"
"Junghan, what are you talking about?" a hint of irritation is clear on Jisoo's voice. "I'm not going to leave him even if he turns deaf and mute and blind, I like him for what he is and his voice is just something to make him more perfect, and I'll still like him as much even without it, and--"
Junghan smiles, "That's the answer. That's what you should do."
Jisoo pauses, mouth agape. He blinks, can't believe the answer to be this easy. He takes a deep breath, pulling Junghan into a warm hug that the other gladly returns.
"Is it appropriate for me to tell you I love you after we broke up?"
"You are so stupid," Junghan laughs, "I love you too, but I know you love Seokmin more. And I'm not in any way offended, a bit jealous is more accurate."
Jisoo laughs on his best friend's shoulder. "You're not any smarter than me, you know."
Later that night, Jisoo knows Seokmin's surgert surgery will be held in three days.
("I'm afraid," Seokmin whispers, voice barely heard. The day is finally here, and now the nurses are busy transferring stuffs from Seokmin's room before they push the bed to the operating room, another nurse talks to Seokmin's mother to explain something Jisoo can't understand. Jisoo looks down at him, gently squeezing his hand.
"It's okay, it won't hurt. Everything will be okay, trust me, okay?"
"When I open my eyes again, I can't sing anymore," Seokmin says, "will you be okay with that?"
Jisoo's heart sinks, a painful wave coils up around his body. He holds Seokmin's hand tighter, trying to be the strongest one among them.
"If I were to be amputated on that accident last time, would you still look at me the same way?"
Seokmin gasps, but he quickly nods. "Of course."
"The same goes for you," says Jisoo, "I don't care whatever you'd be after the surgery. I just want you to be okay, so I'd stop worrying and you'd stop complaining. Let's get out of here, and we'll do proper dates. Like... well, dates. Movies, walks, whatever you want to do."
"Did you... mean it?" Seokmin's voice is diminishing, but Jisoo sees those sparks on the younger's eyes, and it makes Jisoo want to promise him heaven and the earth.
"I do," the elder nods.
"Will you stay here? Until it's done?"
"I'm not going anywhere, I promise.")
Seokmin is discharged from the hospital a week before Jihoon's team leave the city for the first round of audition. They are gathering at Seokmin's house to check on him, but it actually means to enjoy free foods (also because Seokmin's mother is very happy to have so many boys on her small house, and she practically clearing out everything she has on the fridge). Seokmin can't hide his disappoinment for not joining the troop, and Jihoon does show his disappoinment because he had hoped so much from Seokmin on his team.
"You still have next year, but by then I'd be on my last year on high school and I'd be busy, so everything will be under Seungkwan's command. I will kick you in the ass if you dare hurting yourself like this for the second time." Jihoon says, glaring.
"Am I still the part of the team?" Seokmin asks, and Jihoon answers it with a sarcasm eye-roll.
"Of course, you silly boy. I couldn't forget how hard Jisoo had fought for you to join the audition, and it still makes me teary whenever I think about it. I can't kick you out or your lovely boyfriend will kick me back, three times harder."
Jisoo actually kicks Jihoon's shin, annoyed. "Please stop with your bullshit."
"We'll keep you updated about the competition," says Jihoon, ignoring Jisoo. "If we won, it'd be for us, for you too. You'd given your best for the team, it would be such an embarrassment for us for not getting the trophy. Please make sure to double it next year, hm?"
Seokmin nods, glancing at Jisoo. He smiles, and that wide, bright smile tells Jisoo that Seokmin will be okay.
They will be okay.
bonus:
"I'm sorry for what happened last time, I promise it won't happen again. Please do visit me often, and I'll show you wonderful things I can do with my newborn hands. Much love from your son, Hong Jisoo." Seokmin stops reading his masterpiece - it's an email for Jisoo's parents, and Seokmin has volunteered to help him compose it. Jisoo must say he's kind of regretting his decision to let Seokmin do so.
"Newborn hands?" Jisoo frowns so deep his eyebrows are knitting together, "Lee Seokmin, you are disgusting."
"Ssh, quit protesting. Show them you really mean your apologize." Seokmin smacks Jisoo's broad shoulder impatiently. "And hurry up, we're going to be late for the movie."
Jisoo focuses on his laptop screen, concentrating. "You shut up. I need to get rid of this newborn hands first, or my parents will disown me forever thinking I was possessed by Shakespeare's ghost."
Seokmin laughs, embracing Jisoo from behind with his long arms and pressing a big kiss on the elder's cheek. "This is why I like you so much."
Jisoo grimaces, pulling Seokmin closer and turns his head to kiss him, laughs softly as Seokmin giggles on his ear. The sound is bright and clear, just exactly like the way Jisoo liked it before.
"I like you too, silly boy. Nah, I've sent the email, let's go!"
Seokmin takes his hand and Jisoo lets him lead the way, as he falls deeper and deeper at Seokmin's contagious smiles and laughs. I can't promise it'd be easy, he has said. But I can promise you I won't leave, and you won't face them alone.
*fINISHED OH MY GOD this took forever to write w o w. but at least i'm happy?? i wrote things that make me happy so yeah
*posted in two parts bc lj is dumb. and kinda unedited lol i'm tired
*probably the one and only jiseok fic ever existed...... don't ask me why
*special shout out for my sweetest darling sybil, thank you for encouraging me to finish this thing and holding my hand through the process... thank you... ilysm..... ♡♡♡♡♡♡