(no subject)
Recognizing one's existential angst may be the first step to Enlightenment(tm), but somehow I get caught up on the existential angst part and don't quite make it to the Enlightenment part. hrm. Have had a brainful of issues lately, some for good reason and some, well, just because. This world has plenty of problems. I can dwell on these or I can pick the ones I have some measure of control over and become part of the solution. Letting go is a major challenge. I will, in my own mind, beat a dead horse until it's horse soup. Bah. At least I'm doing some small things to be part of the solution to a couple of troublesome problems.
I am looking forward to pickleball, camping, biking, etc. with my friends this spring and summer. Winter can sometimes lend itself to cyclical hibernation/navel gazing/more desire to be alone/brain consumes itself. Fortunately I have found several ski buddies and have been enjoying skiing quite a bit, but sometimes I feel sad that none of my close friends really share my excitement for the sport. It is frustrating and sad to have great friends who I care for quite a bit who just don't necessarily share all that many of my interests, or with whom I am sometimes out of sync. This winter - now that I've moved off Capitol Hill and am wanting to either ski or do mellow stuff at my house - all of a sudden I have this group of friends who want to go clubbing all the time. Where was everyone 5 years ago when all I wanted to do was go clubbing? Bah. This, and other such unreasonable resentments have been peppering my thoughts lately. I am wise enough to know which things I cannot change but sometimes I lack the serenity to accept them. I think it's funny that people see me as so gentle, serene, etc. That is sometimes so fucking far from the truth. Those lucky few who know me REALLY well have seen me be incredibly temperamental, testy, etc. - and have also seen the best of me. two sides of a coin I suppose.
So, what to do? I could start by readjusting my expectations. As my mother always said, "Expect nothing and you won't be disappointed." That can be read in one of two ways: either exceptionally pessimistic or kind of positive. I am lucky to have a couple of people to ski with, and am lucky to have great friends, and maybe someday if I'm really lucky there will be a little more crossover between these two subsets. oh, and maybe sometime I'll decide I want to go out clubbing all the time, or will buy a motorcycle - but don't hold your breath.
I am looking forward to pickleball, camping, biking, etc. with my friends this spring and summer. Winter can sometimes lend itself to cyclical hibernation/navel gazing/more desire to be alone/brain consumes itself. Fortunately I have found several ski buddies and have been enjoying skiing quite a bit, but sometimes I feel sad that none of my close friends really share my excitement for the sport. It is frustrating and sad to have great friends who I care for quite a bit who just don't necessarily share all that many of my interests, or with whom I am sometimes out of sync. This winter - now that I've moved off Capitol Hill and am wanting to either ski or do mellow stuff at my house - all of a sudden I have this group of friends who want to go clubbing all the time. Where was everyone 5 years ago when all I wanted to do was go clubbing? Bah. This, and other such unreasonable resentments have been peppering my thoughts lately. I am wise enough to know which things I cannot change but sometimes I lack the serenity to accept them. I think it's funny that people see me as so gentle, serene, etc. That is sometimes so fucking far from the truth. Those lucky few who know me REALLY well have seen me be incredibly temperamental, testy, etc. - and have also seen the best of me. two sides of a coin I suppose.
So, what to do? I could start by readjusting my expectations. As my mother always said, "Expect nothing and you won't be disappointed." That can be read in one of two ways: either exceptionally pessimistic or kind of positive. I am lucky to have a couple of people to ski with, and am lucky to have great friends, and maybe someday if I'm really lucky there will be a little more crossover between these two subsets. oh, and maybe sometime I'll decide I want to go out clubbing all the time, or will buy a motorcycle - but don't hold your breath.