My Parade
All through life, I've let other people define me. I've always based my self worth in my parents' approval. Being insecure, shy and stand offish by nature, I was always dependent on what other people say about me to define who I am. When no one said I was pretty, I always thought I was ugly. When people said I was fat, I would slam the door but realize that I was. When they say I was good at this or that, I totally believed them and tried to do it more often. When they said I would be a great lawyer, I altered every decision to fit that part. I took a lot of comments to heart. I was never one to rise above them. I'm not like those brave people that faces everything hurled at them and be the better man. I was a follower not a risk taker. And I always aimed to please. Making people feel better was my mission in life. I brought their favorite chocolates to school after a rough day, or paid for their lunch, or wrote them a poem to express exactly how they feel
I hope you noticed that I was talking in the past tense.
I'm not that girl anymore. Although I've always been an advocate of girl power, with my loud music and my once very emo, kick ass wardrobe, I've never really felt full independence of my life until now. Rex's comment was right. For once, I feel like I'm the one who's behind the wheel now, not being dictated by anyone and independent in a more realistic setting. I get to choose when to go home, what to do on a weekday, how to get there, what to spend my money on and, ultimately, what to do with my life. Of course, it isn't a free range thing. We've learned in Theo that with freedom comes limitations so that we won't impose on everyone else's freedom. But being constrained by my choosing is such a liberating feeling. I don't know and I don't think everyone has this perspective in life though.
In relation to this, the other day, these 2 blind men were in the MRT cart. They were accompanied / guided by 4 other people. They were your typical street beggars. They were dark from staying under the sun, dirty, smelly, unkempt complete with tattered clothes and missing teeth. When you see them on the streets, as they knock on your car window, all you'd think is that it's just a syndicate operation. That they could do better things in life than beg. That they aren't really blind. Well, these people weren't asking the passengers to donate. No, in fact they were laughing. With gaps in their teeths and shades to cover their unseeing eyes. It was that deeply felt laughter, the ones that rumbles from your heart and triggers that light in your peepers. Here I was thinking that I couldn't buy that Mango dress I wanted from earlier that day because I shopped too much when people who don't know where to get their next meal were more content at life than I was.
For the past few years, I've always complained about my situation. Bitter, emo, sad, borderline depressed. It took 6 great people, people who could survive a situation I certainly won't, to realign my perspective and show me how good my life has been and how I have a lot to thank for from God. No, not because I have more than they do materially. It's because that despite everything, I have a lot of things in my life to be thankful for. These people, they don't care that everyone else in the cart was staring at them and giving them a wide space. Judging eyes were trained on them, hands clutching their bags afraid that they were there to steal. No, they were being talked about but they were not defined by their words. And all I could do was envy them.
Paolo Coehlo, one I consider a wise man, always says that there are miracles every day, all we have to do is look. Antoine de Saint Exupéry said something along the lines of 'What is essential cannot be seen by the eye'. Today, my resolution is to look for the miracles and thank God for giving me one more day to make the mistakes right.
I hope you noticed that I was talking in the past tense.
I'm not that girl anymore. Although I've always been an advocate of girl power, with my loud music and my once very emo, kick ass wardrobe, I've never really felt full independence of my life until now. Rex's comment was right. For once, I feel like I'm the one who's behind the wheel now, not being dictated by anyone and independent in a more realistic setting. I get to choose when to go home, what to do on a weekday, how to get there, what to spend my money on and, ultimately, what to do with my life. Of course, it isn't a free range thing. We've learned in Theo that with freedom comes limitations so that we won't impose on everyone else's freedom. But being constrained by my choosing is such a liberating feeling. I don't know and I don't think everyone has this perspective in life though.
In relation to this, the other day, these 2 blind men were in the MRT cart. They were accompanied / guided by 4 other people. They were your typical street beggars. They were dark from staying under the sun, dirty, smelly, unkempt complete with tattered clothes and missing teeth. When you see them on the streets, as they knock on your car window, all you'd think is that it's just a syndicate operation. That they could do better things in life than beg. That they aren't really blind. Well, these people weren't asking the passengers to donate. No, in fact they were laughing. With gaps in their teeths and shades to cover their unseeing eyes. It was that deeply felt laughter, the ones that rumbles from your heart and triggers that light in your peepers. Here I was thinking that I couldn't buy that Mango dress I wanted from earlier that day because I shopped too much when people who don't know where to get their next meal were more content at life than I was.
For the past few years, I've always complained about my situation. Bitter, emo, sad, borderline depressed. It took 6 great people, people who could survive a situation I certainly won't, to realign my perspective and show me how good my life has been and how I have a lot to thank for from God. No, not because I have more than they do materially. It's because that despite everything, I have a lot of things in my life to be thankful for. These people, they don't care that everyone else in the cart was staring at them and giving them a wide space. Judging eyes were trained on them, hands clutching their bags afraid that they were there to steal. No, they were being talked about but they were not defined by their words. And all I could do was envy them.
Paolo Coehlo, one I consider a wise man, always says that there are miracles every day, all we have to do is look. Antoine de Saint Exupéry said something along the lines of 'What is essential cannot be seen by the eye'. Today, my resolution is to look for the miracles and thank God for giving me one more day to make the mistakes right.