Soulmates & Work
Work first. I don't know if I'm still adjusting or if I'm just not fitting in but I'm not very social, still very awkward, and not very talkative. Maybe I just need to get used to the environment. Or I need to work on projects with people. I don't know. I hope I don't stay awkward for long though. On another note, I danced in front of a lot of people and I have really bad moves ha. Like embarrassingly bad. But the focus wasn't on me anyway because my back up dancers are boys wearing wigs and skirts. I was personally laughing so hard I didn't have time to be embarrassed. What did embarrass me was not doing so well in the presentation. I could have done better than read from the slides. It's still bothering me. Crap.ou
But now for the meat of this entry. As you can see with my layout, I've recently watched Boys Over Flowers, my first exposure to a Koreanovela, based on a friend. And I loved it. Haha. It made me rethink the concept of soul mates though.
Every child, wild eyed and innocent, believes in a lot of things. Fairy tale prince and princesses made us also believe in soul mates. That for every girl there's one guy out there destined for you. Growing up we've watched romantic comedies bordering on the outrageous that keeps that belief in our minds fresh.
And then we fall in love. And then we get hurt. We break up. We move on. We find someone new. And it starts all over again. Slowly the idea of soul mates start ebbing away into more realistic views on relationships. The work involved in keeping together, the commitment, the adjustment and everything between that a No Boyfriend Since Birth girl like me can explain without experiencing first hand.
The result, for you with the ex-es and me with none, is the same. The idea of a soul mate ebbs away. In Boys Over Flowers, two people were pronounced soul mates. They were perfect for each other and yet, boy didn't get girl. Girl preferred someone else. Boy let go because he loves her and all he wants is to see her happy. It was a novel idea. Reel life script writers never break up soul mates. And yet here, it explained a lot to me. How at the bottom line of it all, and as corny as it may sound, it's still love and the resolve to stick to that love that trumps all other factors. The Koreanovela suddenly aligned everything in my mind, weirdly enough.
So why am I writing about this? Well, as sad as it seems, I've already stopped believing that I'll ever find someone for me. I'm not closing the door. If he comes, then great. But the expectation of ever finding someone for me seems impossible. Maybe I'm just one of those unlovable people, in that context of course. And I don't mind. In fact, I could imagine and plan a whole life of living alone. At a certain age, I plan on adopting. When I'm more capable of doing so, of course. I'm not jaded, I don't hold a bitter past that prevents me from loving. I just honestly and truly believe that I'm incapable of finding someone. It's a life lived alone but definitely not lonely.
But there's this person that is shaking that acceptance of a life lived alone. Everybody knows I've had a million crushes before. All kilig inducing. There's something about him that's different. He's not cute and we hardly like the same things. Heck, we can't even communicate properly with each other, which leaves me mostly embarrassed. It's just that odd sort of gravitational pull. There's no zing when we touch like in the movies. No fast heart beat like what happens to me usually when I like someone. Not even a huge smile. Just an odd yet comfortable pull. I can't even call it an attraction because I have no idea if it's mutual. But whatever this is, the word soul mate just pops into my head. Maybe because I just watched the telenovela though.
So does that mean we'll end up together?
Funny thing is I could actually picture a future of dating. And the feeling is like a comfortable peace. Like I'm not forcing him to get there, nor do I even think that he's contemplating the same things I'm contemplating. We're barely even friends. But there's an odd sense of feeling at the pit of my stomach that one day it's going to happen.
If it does, it has yet to be seen. If it doesn't then I'll be happy with being good friends. Because honestly, he intrigues me. No one has made me contemplate things like this before and I actually kind of like it.
But now for the meat of this entry. As you can see with my layout, I've recently watched Boys Over Flowers, my first exposure to a Koreanovela, based on a friend. And I loved it. Haha. It made me rethink the concept of soul mates though.
Every child, wild eyed and innocent, believes in a lot of things. Fairy tale prince and princesses made us also believe in soul mates. That for every girl there's one guy out there destined for you. Growing up we've watched romantic comedies bordering on the outrageous that keeps that belief in our minds fresh.
And then we fall in love. And then we get hurt. We break up. We move on. We find someone new. And it starts all over again. Slowly the idea of soul mates start ebbing away into more realistic views on relationships. The work involved in keeping together, the commitment, the adjustment and everything between that a No Boyfriend Since Birth girl like me can explain without experiencing first hand.
The result, for you with the ex-es and me with none, is the same. The idea of a soul mate ebbs away. In Boys Over Flowers, two people were pronounced soul mates. They were perfect for each other and yet, boy didn't get girl. Girl preferred someone else. Boy let go because he loves her and all he wants is to see her happy. It was a novel idea. Reel life script writers never break up soul mates. And yet here, it explained a lot to me. How at the bottom line of it all, and as corny as it may sound, it's still love and the resolve to stick to that love that trumps all other factors. The Koreanovela suddenly aligned everything in my mind, weirdly enough.
So why am I writing about this? Well, as sad as it seems, I've already stopped believing that I'll ever find someone for me. I'm not closing the door. If he comes, then great. But the expectation of ever finding someone for me seems impossible. Maybe I'm just one of those unlovable people, in that context of course. And I don't mind. In fact, I could imagine and plan a whole life of living alone. At a certain age, I plan on adopting. When I'm more capable of doing so, of course. I'm not jaded, I don't hold a bitter past that prevents me from loving. I just honestly and truly believe that I'm incapable of finding someone. It's a life lived alone but definitely not lonely.
But there's this person that is shaking that acceptance of a life lived alone. Everybody knows I've had a million crushes before. All kilig inducing. There's something about him that's different. He's not cute and we hardly like the same things. Heck, we can't even communicate properly with each other, which leaves me mostly embarrassed. It's just that odd sort of gravitational pull. There's no zing when we touch like in the movies. No fast heart beat like what happens to me usually when I like someone. Not even a huge smile. Just an odd yet comfortable pull. I can't even call it an attraction because I have no idea if it's mutual. But whatever this is, the word soul mate just pops into my head. Maybe because I just watched the telenovela though.
So does that mean we'll end up together?
Funny thing is I could actually picture a future of dating. And the feeling is like a comfortable peace. Like I'm not forcing him to get there, nor do I even think that he's contemplating the same things I'm contemplating. We're barely even friends. But there's an odd sense of feeling at the pit of my stomach that one day it's going to happen.
If it does, it has yet to be seen. If it doesn't then I'll be happy with being good friends. Because honestly, he intrigues me. No one has made me contemplate things like this before and I actually kind of like it.