Oh, Thoughtful Me...4
So.... something embarrassing happened last Friday...
Guess what it was?
Remember Jared?
Turns out he read my journal. Most of it.
First of all, I didn't think he would have that much time and curiosity to read my journal.
Kudos for that. :\
Second of all... WTF.
How did he find out that I have a journal?
How did he find out this was MY journal?
HOW DID HE FIND MY JOURNAL IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?!?!
I still wish that he understood how much he means to me.
I don't know why he does.
It's pretty stupid.
Especially with the fact that...
Ever since I went to school, I NEVER liked people like him.
I always tried to ignore him.
Now look at me. D:
What happened?!
Teenage years make me awful.
Except acne.
I never get acne :DD
No seriously.
It's maybe because I NEVER wear makeup (at least not that much) and I just wash my face and put lotion on.
Isn't my skin the healthiest?(;
But seriously....
I think he likes someone else.
No.
I KNOW he likes someone else.
Description?
Let's just say.... it's the kind of girl a TYPICAL guy likes.
Huh. Should I just stay single the rest of my high school year?
I can still like guys.
I can still... blah blah.
But I'm going to make sure I don't ever go out with anyone.
No. My social location will be the judge of that.
But grades are more important than boys.
WAYYY important. (especially..... specific people. [can't say anymore because I JUST realized that people actually read my journal...])
Why do I like him though?
How the fudge did I start liking him to begin with?
Won't my friends get pissed if I go out with a Freshiee?
That's right. I don't HAVE friends. > >
Lol, no, but seriously.
I should stop liking all these guys.
I've failed twice and I keep getting hurt.
I don't want to risk myself just to get a guy.
That's not fair for me.
Nothing is fair here.
Every guy I've liked just... doesn't seem interested.
Maybe I know how my mom feels.
Don't I deserve more than this?
I could have sworn I felt the top of the world a few days ago.
Now I feel that I've lost everything?
I'm losing dignity.
Quick. Gotta think of something.
GREAT. I GOT ONE.
I FORGET ABOUT WILL. I FORGET ABOUT JARED. I FORGET ABOUT THE MAYBE-LIKE OF CHRIS. I FORGET IT ALL, BECAUSE THE GUYS I LIKE ARE ALL FLAWED IN THE WORST KIND OF WAY. ESPECIALLY JARED. GARRR. HE'S A LOVE-HATE BOY. I HATE HIM TO DEATH, AND YET I LIKE HIM LIKE CRAZY. HE DRIVES ME INSANE. I DON'T REMEMBER DREAMS, BUT I JUST KNOW HE WAS IN IT. HE JUST SEEMS DIFFERENT THAN ALL THE OTHER GUYS THAT ARE IN THIS SCHOOL AND YET HE STILL CAN'T LEAVE. I JUST NEED TO FORGET ABOUT HIM AND ERASE HIM FROM MY MIND. I NEED TO KEEP MYSELF STRONG AND MAKE SURE I DON'T BREAK DOWN BECAUSE I KNOW WE WOULDN'T WORK OUT. HE MAY HAVE LIKED ME BEFORE, BUT THAT FEELING WILL NOT COME BACK.
SO FOR FLIPPIN SAKES, SUE, LET. HIM. GO.
......................
no. it's not possible.
It's impossible.
It's like erasing a stitched-in tattoo with water.
It just doesn't work that way.
Congratulations, Jared.
You're officially stuck there.
I hope you're happy.
Because I sure as hell am not.