(Merlin) - All She Did (1/2)
Gwen wanders through the castle’s halls, not sure what she’s doing or where she’s going, but plodding along anyway. There’s hardly any work anymore for her, with Morgana missing she has no real place. She still helps in the kitchens, and sometimes assists Gaius with errands, but she feels like she has no place at the palace.
Somehow she find’s that she’s wandered to Arthur’s chambers, and she’s not really surprised. She knocks on the big wooden door, and from inside she hears “Enter.” So she opens the door and steps in. Arthur had been looking out the window, but when he saw her he turned, surprised.
“Guinevere.” And suddenly she thinks of another time, another time she had stood where she stood now, and praised his efforts to help the people. Another time she had surprised him into calling her Guinevere. And she sees that he’s thinking of it too, sees it in his eyes. It has only been a few months, but it feels like forever ago. Back when Morgana had still been in Camelot, back when the world had been like a completely different place.
“What’s wrong?” He takes step towards her, noticing the look in her eyes. And suddenly she remembers gazing into those eyes, pleading with him to live for her. And she remembers the look on his face and the sorrow in his eyes when she tells him that they can never be.
“It’s nothing, I-I’m sorry I disturbed you.” She turns to go, but he reaches out and touches her arm, causing her to freeze.
“It’s Morgana, isn’t it?” She doesn’t turn around but slowly nods her head. He drops his hand and turns himself, back to the window. “There are riders searching for her all the time.” Gwen turns back to him.
“But they will not find her. Not with someone like Morgause to keep her hidden.” His chin drops to his chest and turns to her, grudgingly admitting that she’s correct.
“Maybe they’ll get lucky.” She marvels at his optimistic view and ability to see the world as a better place. He’s a romantic. And he always has been.
“Maybe.” She whispers, trying desperately to borrow some of his optimism for herself.
Perhaps it’s the tone of her voice, or the words themselves, or just the look on her face and the heartbreak in her eyes, but once he takes the step, he’s glad he’s done it. Gwen is shocked when, in two long strides, he’s reached her, and wrapped his arms protectively around her shoulders, pulling her close to him. But as the shock wears off she relaxes, letting herself melt into his arms and letting herself finally cry.
If she notices the tears that fall into her hair she does not say, but she does know that she can’t go on without a life line. And right now, Arthur Pendragon is her one safe harbor, and one thing she will never give up.
-----------------------------------------------
They can no longer worry about Morgana, for the great dragon attacks Camelot the next day. No one knows where it came from or how to stop it, but that doesn’t stop Arthur from going out to fight it every day.
One night, three days into the siege, she leaves the safety of the great hall, braving the courtyard for water that is so desperately needed. She hopes, she prays that the dragon is still at the turrets.
But she is wrong. As she hears her name called, and looks up into the sky, it occurs to her that she might die here, tonight, right now. She runs, but there is no escaping it.
And then he is there, next to her, pushing her down to the ground. It’s as though she’s not even there anymore as she watches the dragon’s spike rake across his shoulder and arm, watches him fall next to her and then get up and keep on going, pushing her ahead of him to safety.
He keeps on going.
It’s another thing she’s grown to love about him, and in the midst of the chaos and horror, she wonders if she can risk losing him.
-----------------------------------------------
Camelot is a fine city, a proud kingdom. But in the wake of the battle, both are in tatters. In the wake of the devastation even wildflowers dare not show their faces.
They say time heals all wounds, but time alone will not change what happened.
And so everyone works, pitching in to rebuild the city. Even the king makes a show of lending a hand, but the man who does the most is Arthur.
Her Arthur, prince of Camelot, spends days doing backbreaking work in the fading winter sun, rebuilding their home. And so she finds more things to admire about him.
People whisper that Camelot was build with magic and it fell by it too.
She knows that it will never be the way it was, but she can hope that one day life will return to normal.
-----------------------------------------------
The riders that had been dispatched so long ago finally return with news. It’s been months coming, but there is word.
They tell of a woman who lives at the edge of a lake, alone with herself. She has fair skin and dark hair, though only a few of the townsfolk have seen her.
And before the sun sets the next day he rides out, promising that he will return with Morgana.
Hours turn to days and days turn to weeks as the whole of Camelot awaits Arthur’s return.
The weeks turn into a month, and soon the trees regain their leaves as the temperatures rise. No one forgets, but life haltingly carries on, everyone still waiting for Arthur’s return.
It’s been nearly two months by the time word spreads through the castle that they’re back. She is the first to see them, and she’s torn between hugging Morgana and Arthur, but her mind is made up for her when he nods and steps away from Morgana.
Her heart is so full of happiness she doesn’t notice the leaves in her hair or the dirty and torn dress, or the ice that lurks behind Morgana’s welcoming eyes.
-----------------------------------------------
The world seems to return to normalcy now that Morgana and Arthur are back in Camelot.
But Gwen knows that all is not as it seems. She catches Morgana staring off into the distance with hard, cruel eyes, and when she questions her, all she gets is a smile.
She still loves Morgana, but she realizes that the woman she loved like a sister died all those months ago.
One day she finds a box under her bed. Inside is a small bracelet and a necklace that she can’t identify. She knows she should tell Arthur, but she can’t bring herself to betray her mistress.
So she puts the box back where she found it and wills herself to forget about it.
-----------------------------------------------
Slowly but surely she finds herself being drawn into his arms again, and despite all the promises she’s made to herself, she can’t help but fall for his charm and his smile.
She knows that they can’t be together forever; they can’t live off stolen moments and illicit looks for long.
But she lets herself be drawn up into his romantic view of the world and lets herself be swept off her feet. Deep inside her a voice whispers that it will not last.
-----------------------------------------------
Gwen cries the day Morgana leaves them. She knew this day would come in her heart, but she did not want to give her up.
Yet she must, and while promises are exchanged (“It’s only a day’s ride, you can see me whenever you want.” “I’ll come back to Camelot one day, I just need time to think”), everyone knows the instant Morgana steps outside of the castle gates, she will not enter again.
-----------------------------------------------
The leaves are falling again, and she knows it will be a bitter winter. They will weather it, just like they have so many times before.
Her dreams are shattered.
All of a sudden she is gone, and Arthur is locked away from her, and there is nothing anyone can do.
Once you are banished, there is no return.
So orders the king.
-----------------------------------------------
She is alone in the world now, with only the clothes on her back and the small bundle under her arm. The men assigned to escort her to Camelot’s borders have abandoned her here, in the wilderness.
In a way, in many ways, this fate is worse than death. That night she spends curled in a tight ball, crying. She had never wanted a part of destiny. She should have never let herself fall in love with a prince.
-----------------------------------------------
The sun rises the next morning, and with it is Gwen, her spirit is still in shreds but she is determined. She will seek out the one person who might be a friend.
She will find Morgana.
It takes many hours, and the sun is setting when she stumbles into a clearing. At the edge of her vision is a lake, but she is weak and stumbles.
She doesn’t rise. She doesn’t see the cloaked figure enter the clearing and gather her up. She doesn’t feel anything.
-----------------------------------------------
She wakes in a bed in a rude hut, and wonders how she got there. There is a kind woman who forces her to eat when she has not appetite, who tells her to keep her strength when all she wants to do is sink into the earth. Eventually she rises from her morose bed, and begins to live again.
She helps the woman and lives decently, and before she knows it the winter has arrived. With it come thoughts she cannot shake, memories she cannot bury. She wonders how a broken heart still beats.
She wonders if he is looking for her.
She wonders if he even cares.
She wonders if all her life was just leading to this.
She wonders what she did so wrong.
-----------------------------------------------
He curses. There is no time for wondering what could be and where she might be and what she is doing and if she is okay. There must be a way to save her.
But he is a prince in a gilded cage, for every move he makes is watched, every step he takes followed.
He will not blink.
But as the autumn turns to winter and the winter turns harsh, he cannot help but feel despair churning in his gut.
He let her down.
He was a fool to believe that they could have had any kind of life while his father was king.
He blinks, with desolation in his heart and misery in his gaze, he drops the issue. It’s already been far too long to pick up her trail, and his fathers men would never tell him where she was taken anyway.
At least that’s what he tells himself as he gazes at the dying fire and remembers sitting in front of it with her, hands laced together and eyes sparkling in the dancing flames.
It isn’t a comfort.
-----------------------------------------------
The winter is harsh, so very harsh. Many get sick. Some die. There isn’t always enough firewood to go around. Some freeze, some just give up.
Arthur watches as everyone around him falls, but he, he who has no wish to live anymore, he remains untouched in the carnage. Even Uther gets sick, and Gaius can do nothing for him. He will live or he will die.
And so the great king Uther Pendragon dies, a sad old man whose son will not even speak to him. No one speaks of it, but there are some who are glad to see him go.
It does not matter to him anymore. But he knows that the responsibility is his, and so he steps forward.
Camelot survives the winter. Just as he always knew it would. But as a king sits on his throne, his thoughts drift to a place far away. He can’t help but think about a certain girl, one so far away. His other half.
And suddenly he’s not so sure he came out of the winter whole.
Part 2
Somehow she find’s that she’s wandered to Arthur’s chambers, and she’s not really surprised. She knocks on the big wooden door, and from inside she hears “Enter.” So she opens the door and steps in. Arthur had been looking out the window, but when he saw her he turned, surprised.
“Guinevere.” And suddenly she thinks of another time, another time she had stood where she stood now, and praised his efforts to help the people. Another time she had surprised him into calling her Guinevere. And she sees that he’s thinking of it too, sees it in his eyes. It has only been a few months, but it feels like forever ago. Back when Morgana had still been in Camelot, back when the world had been like a completely different place.
“What’s wrong?” He takes step towards her, noticing the look in her eyes. And suddenly she remembers gazing into those eyes, pleading with him to live for her. And she remembers the look on his face and the sorrow in his eyes when she tells him that they can never be.
“It’s nothing, I-I’m sorry I disturbed you.” She turns to go, but he reaches out and touches her arm, causing her to freeze.
“It’s Morgana, isn’t it?” She doesn’t turn around but slowly nods her head. He drops his hand and turns himself, back to the window. “There are riders searching for her all the time.” Gwen turns back to him.
“But they will not find her. Not with someone like Morgause to keep her hidden.” His chin drops to his chest and turns to her, grudgingly admitting that she’s correct.
“Maybe they’ll get lucky.” She marvels at his optimistic view and ability to see the world as a better place. He’s a romantic. And he always has been.
“Maybe.” She whispers, trying desperately to borrow some of his optimism for herself.
Perhaps it’s the tone of her voice, or the words themselves, or just the look on her face and the heartbreak in her eyes, but once he takes the step, he’s glad he’s done it. Gwen is shocked when, in two long strides, he’s reached her, and wrapped his arms protectively around her shoulders, pulling her close to him. But as the shock wears off she relaxes, letting herself melt into his arms and letting herself finally cry.
If she notices the tears that fall into her hair she does not say, but she does know that she can’t go on without a life line. And right now, Arthur Pendragon is her one safe harbor, and one thing she will never give up.
-----------------------------------------------
They can no longer worry about Morgana, for the great dragon attacks Camelot the next day. No one knows where it came from or how to stop it, but that doesn’t stop Arthur from going out to fight it every day.
One night, three days into the siege, she leaves the safety of the great hall, braving the courtyard for water that is so desperately needed. She hopes, she prays that the dragon is still at the turrets.
But she is wrong. As she hears her name called, and looks up into the sky, it occurs to her that she might die here, tonight, right now. She runs, but there is no escaping it.
And then he is there, next to her, pushing her down to the ground. It’s as though she’s not even there anymore as she watches the dragon’s spike rake across his shoulder and arm, watches him fall next to her and then get up and keep on going, pushing her ahead of him to safety.
He keeps on going.
It’s another thing she’s grown to love about him, and in the midst of the chaos and horror, she wonders if she can risk losing him.
-----------------------------------------------
Camelot is a fine city, a proud kingdom. But in the wake of the battle, both are in tatters. In the wake of the devastation even wildflowers dare not show their faces.
They say time heals all wounds, but time alone will not change what happened.
And so everyone works, pitching in to rebuild the city. Even the king makes a show of lending a hand, but the man who does the most is Arthur.
Her Arthur, prince of Camelot, spends days doing backbreaking work in the fading winter sun, rebuilding their home. And so she finds more things to admire about him.
People whisper that Camelot was build with magic and it fell by it too.
She knows that it will never be the way it was, but she can hope that one day life will return to normal.
-----------------------------------------------
The riders that had been dispatched so long ago finally return with news. It’s been months coming, but there is word.
They tell of a woman who lives at the edge of a lake, alone with herself. She has fair skin and dark hair, though only a few of the townsfolk have seen her.
And before the sun sets the next day he rides out, promising that he will return with Morgana.
Hours turn to days and days turn to weeks as the whole of Camelot awaits Arthur’s return.
The weeks turn into a month, and soon the trees regain their leaves as the temperatures rise. No one forgets, but life haltingly carries on, everyone still waiting for Arthur’s return.
It’s been nearly two months by the time word spreads through the castle that they’re back. She is the first to see them, and she’s torn between hugging Morgana and Arthur, but her mind is made up for her when he nods and steps away from Morgana.
Her heart is so full of happiness she doesn’t notice the leaves in her hair or the dirty and torn dress, or the ice that lurks behind Morgana’s welcoming eyes.
-----------------------------------------------
The world seems to return to normalcy now that Morgana and Arthur are back in Camelot.
But Gwen knows that all is not as it seems. She catches Morgana staring off into the distance with hard, cruel eyes, and when she questions her, all she gets is a smile.
She still loves Morgana, but she realizes that the woman she loved like a sister died all those months ago.
One day she finds a box under her bed. Inside is a small bracelet and a necklace that she can’t identify. She knows she should tell Arthur, but she can’t bring herself to betray her mistress.
So she puts the box back where she found it and wills herself to forget about it.
-----------------------------------------------
Slowly but surely she finds herself being drawn into his arms again, and despite all the promises she’s made to herself, she can’t help but fall for his charm and his smile.
She knows that they can’t be together forever; they can’t live off stolen moments and illicit looks for long.
But she lets herself be drawn up into his romantic view of the world and lets herself be swept off her feet. Deep inside her a voice whispers that it will not last.
-----------------------------------------------
Gwen cries the day Morgana leaves them. She knew this day would come in her heart, but she did not want to give her up.
Yet she must, and while promises are exchanged (“It’s only a day’s ride, you can see me whenever you want.” “I’ll come back to Camelot one day, I just need time to think”), everyone knows the instant Morgana steps outside of the castle gates, she will not enter again.
-----------------------------------------------
The leaves are falling again, and she knows it will be a bitter winter. They will weather it, just like they have so many times before.
Her dreams are shattered.
All of a sudden she is gone, and Arthur is locked away from her, and there is nothing anyone can do.
Once you are banished, there is no return.
So orders the king.
-----------------------------------------------
She is alone in the world now, with only the clothes on her back and the small bundle under her arm. The men assigned to escort her to Camelot’s borders have abandoned her here, in the wilderness.
In a way, in many ways, this fate is worse than death. That night she spends curled in a tight ball, crying. She had never wanted a part of destiny. She should have never let herself fall in love with a prince.
-----------------------------------------------
The sun rises the next morning, and with it is Gwen, her spirit is still in shreds but she is determined. She will seek out the one person who might be a friend.
She will find Morgana.
It takes many hours, and the sun is setting when she stumbles into a clearing. At the edge of her vision is a lake, but she is weak and stumbles.
She doesn’t rise. She doesn’t see the cloaked figure enter the clearing and gather her up. She doesn’t feel anything.
-----------------------------------------------
She wakes in a bed in a rude hut, and wonders how she got there. There is a kind woman who forces her to eat when she has not appetite, who tells her to keep her strength when all she wants to do is sink into the earth. Eventually she rises from her morose bed, and begins to live again.
She helps the woman and lives decently, and before she knows it the winter has arrived. With it come thoughts she cannot shake, memories she cannot bury. She wonders how a broken heart still beats.
She wonders if he is looking for her.
She wonders if he even cares.
She wonders if all her life was just leading to this.
She wonders what she did so wrong.
-----------------------------------------------
He curses. There is no time for wondering what could be and where she might be and what she is doing and if she is okay. There must be a way to save her.
But he is a prince in a gilded cage, for every move he makes is watched, every step he takes followed.
He will not blink.
But as the autumn turns to winter and the winter turns harsh, he cannot help but feel despair churning in his gut.
He let her down.
He was a fool to believe that they could have had any kind of life while his father was king.
He blinks, with desolation in his heart and misery in his gaze, he drops the issue. It’s already been far too long to pick up her trail, and his fathers men would never tell him where she was taken anyway.
At least that’s what he tells himself as he gazes at the dying fire and remembers sitting in front of it with her, hands laced together and eyes sparkling in the dancing flames.
It isn’t a comfort.
-----------------------------------------------
The winter is harsh, so very harsh. Many get sick. Some die. There isn’t always enough firewood to go around. Some freeze, some just give up.
Arthur watches as everyone around him falls, but he, he who has no wish to live anymore, he remains untouched in the carnage. Even Uther gets sick, and Gaius can do nothing for him. He will live or he will die.
And so the great king Uther Pendragon dies, a sad old man whose son will not even speak to him. No one speaks of it, but there are some who are glad to see him go.
It does not matter to him anymore. But he knows that the responsibility is his, and so he steps forward.
Camelot survives the winter. Just as he always knew it would. But as a king sits on his throne, his thoughts drift to a place far away. He can’t help but think about a certain girl, one so far away. His other half.
And suddenly he’s not so sure he came out of the winter whole.
Part 2