100 Books: Book 1- "Wintergirls"
I've completed the first book in my quest to read 100 books I haven't read before this year! And I'm here to tell you all about it. But first off, the subject matter of this book is pretty intense, so if you are easily triggered by eating disorders or mentions of self-harm, proceed with caution.
Book Number One was entitled Wintergirls, by Laurie Halse Anderson, who's a ridiculously brilliant writer across a variety of genres. Wintergirls tells the story of Lia, a girl hovering on the edge of psychosis who struggles with anorexia and cutting. She and her former best friend Cassie long ago went on a journey to be skinny together, but as eating disorders do, everything spiraled out of control and the book begins with Lia learning that Cassie has died. Lia's life operates on a web of lies and facades; two bouts of rehabilitation have failed her, but she pretends to be getting better simply so she can continue to get worse.
The book was crazy-intense and I went through it extremely quickly. I don't often like the first person, but I believe the story couldn't have worked unless told from Lia's dangerously precarious point of view. The book showed just how scary anorexia is, and how it takes more than psychical help to cure; ultimately, it's a psychological problem, and Lia's narration shows it so well. She torments herself, believing she's good at nothing except starving herself, calling herself ugly and fat and useless constantly, even as she withers away to nothing but bone, and plays games with the people who want to help her, convinced what she's doing isn't dangerous. For me, shit got real pretty early on when Lia reveals her ultimate weight goals are going from 99 pounds to 95 pounds to 90 fucking pounds. And the narration is just so psychotic and fucked-up and frightening as she discusses this:
"Goal Number Two is 95.00, the perfect point of balance. At 95.00, I will be pure. Light enough to walk with my head up, meaty enough to fool everyone. At 95.00, I will have the strength to stay in control. I'll stand on the blocks hidden in the toes of my ballet slippers, pink ribbons sewn on my calves, and rise up in the air: magical.
At 90.00, I will soar. That's Goal Number Three."
I'm pretty sure at this point I went around looking for something to eat, because imagining being pokey bone at 90 pounds made me feel like eating forever to avoid it. (And it's ironic that she mentions ballet, because years prior she was passed over for roles and finally quit her dance studio because she had a normal weight and was deemed too chubby.) But in the book, Lia admits to herself that going low will only make her want to go lower:
"85.00 is possible. [...] But 85.00 makes me want 75.00. To get there I'll need to crack open my bones with a silver mallet and dig out my marrow..."
Wintergirls is a wonderful, if emotionally straining, book. As another of Anderson's books, Speak, did, Wintergirls faced a difficult issue head-on and made it understandable and heartwrenching without glamorizing it in the slightest. For Lia's problems, as we see, spring from deeper, darker places than her poor body image and obsession with tracking what she eats. (Every time she does eat something, or even thinks about eating something, the number of calories the food has appears in parentheses. Early on she limits her daily intake to 800 maximum, 500 preferred, which was another "ohmygodddddddd" moment for me.) Definitely worth reading, and I'm glad I was able to start 2011 so well, book-wise. :D
Book List
1. Wintergirls
2.
~June
Book Number One was entitled Wintergirls, by Laurie Halse Anderson, who's a ridiculously brilliant writer across a variety of genres. Wintergirls tells the story of Lia, a girl hovering on the edge of psychosis who struggles with anorexia and cutting. She and her former best friend Cassie long ago went on a journey to be skinny together, but as eating disorders do, everything spiraled out of control and the book begins with Lia learning that Cassie has died. Lia's life operates on a web of lies and facades; two bouts of rehabilitation have failed her, but she pretends to be getting better simply so she can continue to get worse.
The book was crazy-intense and I went through it extremely quickly. I don't often like the first person, but I believe the story couldn't have worked unless told from Lia's dangerously precarious point of view. The book showed just how scary anorexia is, and how it takes more than psychical help to cure; ultimately, it's a psychological problem, and Lia's narration shows it so well. She torments herself, believing she's good at nothing except starving herself, calling herself ugly and fat and useless constantly, even as she withers away to nothing but bone, and plays games with the people who want to help her, convinced what she's doing isn't dangerous. For me, shit got real pretty early on when Lia reveals her ultimate weight goals are going from 99 pounds to 95 pounds to 90 fucking pounds. And the narration is just so psychotic and fucked-up and frightening as she discusses this:
"Goal Number Two is 95.00, the perfect point of balance. At 95.00, I will be pure. Light enough to walk with my head up, meaty enough to fool everyone. At 95.00, I will have the strength to stay in control. I'll stand on the blocks hidden in the toes of my ballet slippers, pink ribbons sewn on my calves, and rise up in the air: magical.
At 90.00, I will soar. That's Goal Number Three."
I'm pretty sure at this point I went around looking for something to eat, because imagining being pokey bone at 90 pounds made me feel like eating forever to avoid it. (And it's ironic that she mentions ballet, because years prior she was passed over for roles and finally quit her dance studio because she had a normal weight and was deemed too chubby.) But in the book, Lia admits to herself that going low will only make her want to go lower:
"85.00 is possible. [...] But 85.00 makes me want 75.00. To get there I'll need to crack open my bones with a silver mallet and dig out my marrow..."
Wintergirls is a wonderful, if emotionally straining, book. As another of Anderson's books, Speak, did, Wintergirls faced a difficult issue head-on and made it understandable and heartwrenching without glamorizing it in the slightest. For Lia's problems, as we see, spring from deeper, darker places than her poor body image and obsession with tracking what she eats. (Every time she does eat something, or even thinks about eating something, the number of calories the food has appears in parentheses. Early on she limits her daily intake to 800 maximum, 500 preferred, which was another "ohmygodddddddd" moment for me.) Definitely worth reading, and I'm glad I was able to start 2011 so well, book-wise. :D
Book List
1. Wintergirls
2.
~June