[MINI-SERIES] Tora/Saga: "Beautiful Sinners" Part 4
Title: Beautiful Sinners
Chapter: 4/5
Author: junakabisque
Rating: Overall NC-17
Genre: Angst, romance.
Pairing(s): Tora/Saga, Reita/Uruha (mentioned Reita/Saga, Tora/Uruha).
Band(s): Alice Nine, the GazettE.
Disclaimer: I own my imagination.
Summary: Tora breaks up with Uruha because he loves Saga; but Saga is already with Reita. What will happen to four of them?
Notes: Set before Alice Nine changed leader.
...Beautiful Sinners...
Part 4
Nao stood up impatiently as the door of their practice room opened. Shou and Hiroto also looked at the door.
“Where have you been, Tora?!”
The anger faded from Nao’s face, replaced by panic when he saw Tora carrying Saga. The three hurriedly gathered around the sofa after Tora laid the bassist there.
“What happened, Tora? Why-?” asked the leader, worried.
“I don’t know, Nao. He has just suddenly fainted.”
Tora checked Saga’s temperature by pressing his palm on the bassist’s forehead. He was fine. No signs that he got fever or something like that. Then, Tora lifted Saga’s hand up and held it tightly. His eyebrows wrinkled in panic and worry.
“Wake up, Saga. Please, wake up.”
“Should we call a doctor?” Shou suggested.
“No, he’s fine. But-”
“I’ll call Reita-kun then,” said Hiroto.
Hiroto was about to leave when suddenly, Tora stopped him.
“Don’t go, Hiroto! Don’t tell him anything.”
“But, Tora-”
“We don’t need him!” Tora snapped at Hiroto, it made him startled.
The small guitarist spontaneously hid behind Shou. Shou noticed Hiroto’s scared face.
“Hiroto was just trying to help, Tora! Don’t snap at him like that!” exclaimed the vocalist in anger.
Tora stood up and stepped forward to Shou. The vocalist looked up at him.
“What?!”
“I said we don’t need him!”
“Maybe we don’t. But Saga does! Reita is his lover!”
Tora lifted his fist. Seeing that, Hiroto quickly moved to stand in-between them.
“Stop, Tora! Don’t hit him!”
Unexpectedly, Nao shouted out at them. Everyone looked at the drummer after that.
“Can’t you just stop?! Our band doesn’t need members with short temper like you all!”
They fell into silence. Nao had never been really angry like this. Tora took a deep breath to push his anger down whilst Hiroto was calming Shou down. At that time, they heard Saga’s voice.
“...-ta. Reita...”
Tora froze as he heard Saga call out Reita’s name. Nao knelt down beside him.
“Saga, are you okay? What do you need?”
Saga’s eyes slowly fluttered open. His voice was almost inaudible when he spoke, “... Where’s Reita?”
“Reita? He will come, Saga. Don’t worry.”
Then, Nao turned his head to Hiroto. He gestured to the small guitarist to go to the GazettE’s practice room. Hiroto nodded in understanding before he left. Shou approached Nao and Saga. He noticed that Tora was still in his previous spot. His eyes were focused on his shoes. Then, the tall guitarist exited the practice room, looking really pissed.
~*~
Hiroto knocked the door of the GazettE’s practice room before he opened it. He was welcomed by Kai’s angry face.
“Now what?”
The drummer asked him in an intimidating tone. Hiroto stuttered when he answered Kai’s question, “I... Reita-kun, Saga has... fainted and he...”
“What?!”
Reita stopped his bass playing and next thing Hiroto knew, Reita and him were already running towards Alice Nine’s practice room. It didn’t take too long for them to reach it. Reita came in first, followed by Hiroto.
“Saga. What happened?”
Both Nao and Shou looked up at the other bassist and they let him sit beside Saga. Saga was sitting on the sofa when Reita also sat down next to him.
“What happened, Saga? Hiroto said you’ve-”
“I’m alright.”
“But-”
“Reita.”
Saga stared at him and Reita knew what that gaze meant. They were still like that until finally Nao spoke up.
“C’mon, guys. Leave them alone.”
With a slight nod, Shou and Hiroto exited the practice room, following Nao who went out first. Shou closed the door behind him. He managed to see that Reita was lifting his hand to hold Saga’s.
“... I guess we need to talk, don’t we?”
Saga just nodded as he responded to Reita’s grip on his hand. The younger bassist took a deep breath before he spoke.
“Reita, I’m...”
“... ...”
“... I’m cheating on you.”
“Yes, I know that.”
Saga gasped in surprise, but he tried to hide it.
“... With Tora.”
“I know that too.”
“Reita... Don’t you... don’t you feel angry or-?”
“Saga.”
Reita tightened his grip on Saga’s hand.
“Would you listen to me?”
Saga frowned. Soon, he nodded at Reita.
“You will just nod or shake your head in response to my questions. Okay?”
Saga nodded again. He swallowed hard as he waited for Reita to talk again.
“... First: If Tora never had feelings for you, do you think things would work between you and me after I confessed my feelings for you?”
Saga shook his head.
“... Second: If it was Tora who confessed to you that day, would you accept him?”
Saga nodded.
“... Third and this is the last: If I said that you would choose Tora instead of me when the day for you to choose one of us comes, am I right?”
Saga couldn’t hold his tears anymore. He pulled his hand from Reita’s grip and lifted it along with the other one to cover his face. He was crying. Reita felt sympathy for the other bassist. He knew that Saga had always been in love with Tora since God knew when. If only Reita didn’t confess his feelings to Saga that day, this would have never happened. Tora would have been the one who did it and then, they could have had a happy life together. Somehow, Reita felt that he was the one who had come in-between them. It wasn’t Tora who had come in-between him and Saga.
Saga was still crying. Reita wanted to hug him, to comfort him, but he knew he shouldn’t do that. There was another right person who had the rights to do that. All he could do was just pat Saga’s shoulder in a calming manner.
“Rei...-ta.”
Saga tried to speak between his sobs.
“Yes?”
“Am I...wrong if I love him?”
“You’re not, Saga. You can love whoever you want.”
“But I...I always have this guilty feeling inside my heart every time I think I love him.”
“... ...”
“I feel safe when I’m with him yet at the same time, I feel scared. Voices in my mind always tell me that it’s wrong if I love him. Love between him and me is just a sinful one. I don’t want to have this feeling, Reita. I want to...to just love him without having this guilty feeling.”
“You can do it, Saga.”
Saga widened his eyes. He had never expected Reita to be really optimistic.
“... How can I?”
“Saga, can you trust me?”
Saga looked into Reita’s eyes. He wasn’t sure whether he must say ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
***
This was really confusing. Tora didn’t understand Saga’s feelings towards him. It was only last night that they found peace in each other’s arms, but now after he heard a certain name came out from Saga’s lips when he was unconscious, Tora was sure that Saga had told him the truth. That Saga had never been in love with him. Tora felt disappointed, of course.
Tora’s mobile phone had been ringing all the time, but the guitarist ignored it. He didn’t want anyone to disturb him right now. He didn’t even care if it was Saga who tried to call him. Tora wanted Saga to understand. That he had a heart and he didn’t want Saga to play with it anymore. He knew that he couldn’t keep blaming Saga all the time. He could understand that it was hard for Saga to choose between him and Reita. Nevertheless, Tora had told everything to Saga. He had told Saga that he had always been in love with Saga since the beginning. However, why was Saga still unsure about his own feelings?
Haven’t you realised that I’m the one who deserves your love?
~*~
“He’s not answering my call.”
Saga said in a desperate tone. He propped his head with both of his hands, looking frustrated. Beside him, Reita couldn’t do anything. If Tora had been rejecting Saga’s call, it’d be really bad. Who else could make him understand? Even Saga couldn’t do it.
“Saga-”
“Leave me alone, please.”
“But-”
“Please, Reita.”
Reita nodded an ‘okay’. Then, he stood up from the sofa, walking towards the door. He was still staring at the other bassist before finally, he closed the door and left Saga alone.
***
“How was it, Reita? What happened to him?”
“He’s alright now, Uruha. Don’t worry.”
“Is it because of me?”
“No, it isn’t.”
Uruha sighed in relief. However, he still looked worried. He knew Reita’s mind was filled by Saga. He wanted to help Reita to solve the problem. It was true that the entire event was also his fault.
“We have to talk about this again, Reita. Nothing would be solved if we kept being stuck in this misunderstanding.”
“Yes, it is misunderstanding. Since the beginning, we have chosen the wrong persons for each of us. Saga shouldn’t be my lover.”
“Is it true that Tora’s still avoiding everyone? Even Saga?”
Reita nodded as a reply. Uruha bit his lip, thinking hard.
“What if I try to call him then?”
“Do you want to kill yourself?”
Somehow, Reita chuckled hearing his own words. But Uruha was still wearing that serious expression on his face.
“Reita. We do have to talk. All of us.”
“I know, Uruha. But how do you think we can make it?”
“I don’t know either. Let’s think about it again later. We can’t just leave it like this.”
“...Okay.”
~*~
“C’mon, Tora. Pick up the phone!”
“The number you are calling has rejected your call.”
“Fuck!”
Saga threw his mobile phone to the floor. He didn’t care anymore. If Tora didn’t want to answer his call, so be it. He sniffed as he felt his tears start falling down his cheeks again. He wiped them away, looking angry with himself. That was when he heard knocks come from the door. Saga looked at the door, staring at it for a while before finally he asked who that was.
“... It’s I. Uruha.”
Uruha-san? What does he want? Saga thought.
Seconds later, Saga permitted Uruha to come in. Slowly, the door opened. Uruha came in and reluctantly smiled at the bassist.
“Am I bothering you?”
Saga shook his head as he offered Uruha to take a seat beside him. Uruha noticed Saga’s mobile phone, which lay on the floor. He decided to shrug it off and then sat down next to Saga. They just kept silent for about five minutes until Uruha spoke up.
“Reita doesn’t know about me coming here to see you.”
“He doesn’t?”
“Not at all. He thought I might just worsen your mood.”
“Well...Betsuni.”
“So... How about... You know?”
“Bad. I don’t think we can make it.”
Saga heard Uruha sigh. The guitarist stretched his arms up in the air as he leant his back against the sofa.
“I don’t understand what makes them fall for you. What am I lacking? I’m beautiful. I’m sexy. I’m not bad in bed. Why did they choose you, instead of me?”
Saga didn’t expect the guitarist would say something like that. The bassist wasn’t sure whether he must feel sympathy or not.
“Why did you think that, Uruha-san?”
Instead of answering Saga’s question, Uruha straightened up as stared deeply into Saga’s eyes. The guitarist didn’t understand why he felt some affection towards Saga all of a sudden. After what seemed like an eternity, he closed the gap between them by pressing his full lips onto Saga’s. Saga was really shocked, he could do nothing as Uruha kept kissing him. When Saga felt lost in the feeling, he closed his eyes.
Kissing with Uruha felt so different. It wasn’t like when you were kissing your lover. It was just so...different. Saga couldn’t find a precise term to express this new feeling. When Saga decided to like it, Uruha broke the kiss and pulled back. He was still staring at Saga’s face.
“I’m sorry.”
Somehow, Saga knew that Uruha wasn’t apologising about the kiss earlier. So, this was Uruha’s way to apologise to him. About everything he had done to the bassist, of course. Slowly, a smiled appeared on Saga’s lips. He nodded at Uruha who smiled back at him soon after.
“It’s so stupid to compare myself with you. We are different, of course. And now I know why both Reita and Tora chose you.”
“Why?”
Saga asked the guitarist beside him. Uruha was silent first, but then he spoke, “Because you’re so lovely. That’s why.”
Saga didn’t expect an answer like that before. He laughed a bit.
“Are you kidding?”
“I’m not. To be honest, if only I could...maybe I’d prefer you as my lover too. But I think I’ve found another good one. I was so blind I
couldn’t see him as someone more than a friend back then. Now, I could only hope he would accept me if one day I confessed my love for him.”
“Is he...Reita?”
Uruha lowered his head. By that, Saga knew that the person Uruha was talking about was indeed Reita, his lover. Saga didn’t know what to say. He realised that Uruha needed someone to comfort him right now. Then without a second thought, Saga reached for Uruha’s body to hug him. Uruha didn’t say anything and let Saga tighten his embrace for him. Soon after, the guitarist hugged Saga back as he wrapped his arms around the bassist.
Reita was right. Saga is a caring person. Tora needs him and I should let them be together.
-TBC-
Part 3 | Part 5 [End]
Chapter: 4/5
Author: junakabisque
Rating: Overall NC-17
Genre: Angst, romance.
Pairing(s): Tora/Saga, Reita/Uruha (mentioned Reita/Saga, Tora/Uruha).
Band(s): Alice Nine, the GazettE.
Disclaimer: I own my imagination.
Summary: Tora breaks up with Uruha because he loves Saga; but Saga is already with Reita. What will happen to four of them?
Notes: Set before Alice Nine changed leader.
...Beautiful Sinners...
Part 4
Nao stood up impatiently as the door of their practice room opened. Shou and Hiroto also looked at the door.
“Where have you been, Tora?!”
The anger faded from Nao’s face, replaced by panic when he saw Tora carrying Saga. The three hurriedly gathered around the sofa after Tora laid the bassist there.
“What happened, Tora? Why-?” asked the leader, worried.
“I don’t know, Nao. He has just suddenly fainted.”
Tora checked Saga’s temperature by pressing his palm on the bassist’s forehead. He was fine. No signs that he got fever or something like that. Then, Tora lifted Saga’s hand up and held it tightly. His eyebrows wrinkled in panic and worry.
“Wake up, Saga. Please, wake up.”
“Should we call a doctor?” Shou suggested.
“No, he’s fine. But-”
“I’ll call Reita-kun then,” said Hiroto.
Hiroto was about to leave when suddenly, Tora stopped him.
“Don’t go, Hiroto! Don’t tell him anything.”
“But, Tora-”
“We don’t need him!” Tora snapped at Hiroto, it made him startled.
The small guitarist spontaneously hid behind Shou. Shou noticed Hiroto’s scared face.
“Hiroto was just trying to help, Tora! Don’t snap at him like that!” exclaimed the vocalist in anger.
Tora stood up and stepped forward to Shou. The vocalist looked up at him.
“What?!”
“I said we don’t need him!”
“Maybe we don’t. But Saga does! Reita is his lover!”
Tora lifted his fist. Seeing that, Hiroto quickly moved to stand in-between them.
“Stop, Tora! Don’t hit him!”
Unexpectedly, Nao shouted out at them. Everyone looked at the drummer after that.
“Can’t you just stop?! Our band doesn’t need members with short temper like you all!”
They fell into silence. Nao had never been really angry like this. Tora took a deep breath to push his anger down whilst Hiroto was calming Shou down. At that time, they heard Saga’s voice.
“...-ta. Reita...”
Tora froze as he heard Saga call out Reita’s name. Nao knelt down beside him.
“Saga, are you okay? What do you need?”
Saga’s eyes slowly fluttered open. His voice was almost inaudible when he spoke, “... Where’s Reita?”
“Reita? He will come, Saga. Don’t worry.”
Then, Nao turned his head to Hiroto. He gestured to the small guitarist to go to the GazettE’s practice room. Hiroto nodded in understanding before he left. Shou approached Nao and Saga. He noticed that Tora was still in his previous spot. His eyes were focused on his shoes. Then, the tall guitarist exited the practice room, looking really pissed.
~*~
Hiroto knocked the door of the GazettE’s practice room before he opened it. He was welcomed by Kai’s angry face.
“Now what?”
The drummer asked him in an intimidating tone. Hiroto stuttered when he answered Kai’s question, “I... Reita-kun, Saga has... fainted and he...”
“What?!”
Reita stopped his bass playing and next thing Hiroto knew, Reita and him were already running towards Alice Nine’s practice room. It didn’t take too long for them to reach it. Reita came in first, followed by Hiroto.
“Saga. What happened?”
Both Nao and Shou looked up at the other bassist and they let him sit beside Saga. Saga was sitting on the sofa when Reita also sat down next to him.
“What happened, Saga? Hiroto said you’ve-”
“I’m alright.”
“But-”
“Reita.”
Saga stared at him and Reita knew what that gaze meant. They were still like that until finally Nao spoke up.
“C’mon, guys. Leave them alone.”
With a slight nod, Shou and Hiroto exited the practice room, following Nao who went out first. Shou closed the door behind him. He managed to see that Reita was lifting his hand to hold Saga’s.
“... I guess we need to talk, don’t we?”
Saga just nodded as he responded to Reita’s grip on his hand. The younger bassist took a deep breath before he spoke.
“Reita, I’m...”
“... ...”
“... I’m cheating on you.”
“Yes, I know that.”
Saga gasped in surprise, but he tried to hide it.
“... With Tora.”
“I know that too.”
“Reita... Don’t you... don’t you feel angry or-?”
“Saga.”
Reita tightened his grip on Saga’s hand.
“Would you listen to me?”
Saga frowned. Soon, he nodded at Reita.
“You will just nod or shake your head in response to my questions. Okay?”
Saga nodded again. He swallowed hard as he waited for Reita to talk again.
“... First: If Tora never had feelings for you, do you think things would work between you and me after I confessed my feelings for you?”
Saga shook his head.
“... Second: If it was Tora who confessed to you that day, would you accept him?”
Saga nodded.
“... Third and this is the last: If I said that you would choose Tora instead of me when the day for you to choose one of us comes, am I right?”
Saga couldn’t hold his tears anymore. He pulled his hand from Reita’s grip and lifted it along with the other one to cover his face. He was crying. Reita felt sympathy for the other bassist. He knew that Saga had always been in love with Tora since God knew when. If only Reita didn’t confess his feelings to Saga that day, this would have never happened. Tora would have been the one who did it and then, they could have had a happy life together. Somehow, Reita felt that he was the one who had come in-between them. It wasn’t Tora who had come in-between him and Saga.
Saga was still crying. Reita wanted to hug him, to comfort him, but he knew he shouldn’t do that. There was another right person who had the rights to do that. All he could do was just pat Saga’s shoulder in a calming manner.
“Rei...-ta.”
Saga tried to speak between his sobs.
“Yes?”
“Am I...wrong if I love him?”
“You’re not, Saga. You can love whoever you want.”
“But I...I always have this guilty feeling inside my heart every time I think I love him.”
“... ...”
“I feel safe when I’m with him yet at the same time, I feel scared. Voices in my mind always tell me that it’s wrong if I love him. Love between him and me is just a sinful one. I don’t want to have this feeling, Reita. I want to...to just love him without having this guilty feeling.”
“You can do it, Saga.”
Saga widened his eyes. He had never expected Reita to be really optimistic.
“... How can I?”
“Saga, can you trust me?”
Saga looked into Reita’s eyes. He wasn’t sure whether he must say ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
***
This was really confusing. Tora didn’t understand Saga’s feelings towards him. It was only last night that they found peace in each other’s arms, but now after he heard a certain name came out from Saga’s lips when he was unconscious, Tora was sure that Saga had told him the truth. That Saga had never been in love with him. Tora felt disappointed, of course.
Tora’s mobile phone had been ringing all the time, but the guitarist ignored it. He didn’t want anyone to disturb him right now. He didn’t even care if it was Saga who tried to call him. Tora wanted Saga to understand. That he had a heart and he didn’t want Saga to play with it anymore. He knew that he couldn’t keep blaming Saga all the time. He could understand that it was hard for Saga to choose between him and Reita. Nevertheless, Tora had told everything to Saga. He had told Saga that he had always been in love with Saga since the beginning. However, why was Saga still unsure about his own feelings?
Haven’t you realised that I’m the one who deserves your love?
~*~
“He’s not answering my call.”
Saga said in a desperate tone. He propped his head with both of his hands, looking frustrated. Beside him, Reita couldn’t do anything. If Tora had been rejecting Saga’s call, it’d be really bad. Who else could make him understand? Even Saga couldn’t do it.
“Saga-”
“Leave me alone, please.”
“But-”
“Please, Reita.”
Reita nodded an ‘okay’. Then, he stood up from the sofa, walking towards the door. He was still staring at the other bassist before finally, he closed the door and left Saga alone.
***
“How was it, Reita? What happened to him?”
“He’s alright now, Uruha. Don’t worry.”
“Is it because of me?”
“No, it isn’t.”
Uruha sighed in relief. However, he still looked worried. He knew Reita’s mind was filled by Saga. He wanted to help Reita to solve the problem. It was true that the entire event was also his fault.
“We have to talk about this again, Reita. Nothing would be solved if we kept being stuck in this misunderstanding.”
“Yes, it is misunderstanding. Since the beginning, we have chosen the wrong persons for each of us. Saga shouldn’t be my lover.”
“Is it true that Tora’s still avoiding everyone? Even Saga?”
Reita nodded as a reply. Uruha bit his lip, thinking hard.
“What if I try to call him then?”
“Do you want to kill yourself?”
Somehow, Reita chuckled hearing his own words. But Uruha was still wearing that serious expression on his face.
“Reita. We do have to talk. All of us.”
“I know, Uruha. But how do you think we can make it?”
“I don’t know either. Let’s think about it again later. We can’t just leave it like this.”
“...Okay.”
~*~
“C’mon, Tora. Pick up the phone!”
“The number you are calling has rejected your call.”
“Fuck!”
Saga threw his mobile phone to the floor. He didn’t care anymore. If Tora didn’t want to answer his call, so be it. He sniffed as he felt his tears start falling down his cheeks again. He wiped them away, looking angry with himself. That was when he heard knocks come from the door. Saga looked at the door, staring at it for a while before finally he asked who that was.
“... It’s I. Uruha.”
Uruha-san? What does he want? Saga thought.
Seconds later, Saga permitted Uruha to come in. Slowly, the door opened. Uruha came in and reluctantly smiled at the bassist.
“Am I bothering you?”
Saga shook his head as he offered Uruha to take a seat beside him. Uruha noticed Saga’s mobile phone, which lay on the floor. He decided to shrug it off and then sat down next to Saga. They just kept silent for about five minutes until Uruha spoke up.
“Reita doesn’t know about me coming here to see you.”
“He doesn’t?”
“Not at all. He thought I might just worsen your mood.”
“Well...Betsuni.”
“So... How about... You know?”
“Bad. I don’t think we can make it.”
Saga heard Uruha sigh. The guitarist stretched his arms up in the air as he leant his back against the sofa.
“I don’t understand what makes them fall for you. What am I lacking? I’m beautiful. I’m sexy. I’m not bad in bed. Why did they choose you, instead of me?”
Saga didn’t expect the guitarist would say something like that. The bassist wasn’t sure whether he must feel sympathy or not.
“Why did you think that, Uruha-san?”
Instead of answering Saga’s question, Uruha straightened up as stared deeply into Saga’s eyes. The guitarist didn’t understand why he felt some affection towards Saga all of a sudden. After what seemed like an eternity, he closed the gap between them by pressing his full lips onto Saga’s. Saga was really shocked, he could do nothing as Uruha kept kissing him. When Saga felt lost in the feeling, he closed his eyes.
Kissing with Uruha felt so different. It wasn’t like when you were kissing your lover. It was just so...different. Saga couldn’t find a precise term to express this new feeling. When Saga decided to like it, Uruha broke the kiss and pulled back. He was still staring at Saga’s face.
“I’m sorry.”
Somehow, Saga knew that Uruha wasn’t apologising about the kiss earlier. So, this was Uruha’s way to apologise to him. About everything he had done to the bassist, of course. Slowly, a smiled appeared on Saga’s lips. He nodded at Uruha who smiled back at him soon after.
“It’s so stupid to compare myself with you. We are different, of course. And now I know why both Reita and Tora chose you.”
“Why?”
Saga asked the guitarist beside him. Uruha was silent first, but then he spoke, “Because you’re so lovely. That’s why.”
Saga didn’t expect an answer like that before. He laughed a bit.
“Are you kidding?”
“I’m not. To be honest, if only I could...maybe I’d prefer you as my lover too. But I think I’ve found another good one. I was so blind I
couldn’t see him as someone more than a friend back then. Now, I could only hope he would accept me if one day I confessed my love for him.”
“Is he...Reita?”
Uruha lowered his head. By that, Saga knew that the person Uruha was talking about was indeed Reita, his lover. Saga didn’t know what to say. He realised that Uruha needed someone to comfort him right now. Then without a second thought, Saga reached for Uruha’s body to hug him. Uruha didn’t say anything and let Saga tighten his embrace for him. Soon after, the guitarist hugged Saga back as he wrapped his arms around the bassist.
Reita was right. Saga is a caring person. Tora needs him and I should let them be together.
-TBC-
Part 3 | Part 5 [End]