(no subject)
This week was similar to last week, as I pulled a couple hairs throughout the week. However, I was scanning my pulling/pulling-urge journal, and discovered why it is that I have been pulling more now than during the first weeks of my recovery. It can be summed up by saying that I haven't worn false nails in the past couple weeks. I put them on on day one, and wore them constistantly for a couple weeks. I think taking off the nails is like taking off training wheels on a bike. Sure you might fall a few times before you get the hang of it, but you won't get the hang of it unless you take them off. So, considering I physically can pull my hair, a couple hairs a week is pretty fantastic. If I went the rest of my life pulling two hairs a week, that would be fine with me!
Another thing I've noticed is how wonderful my natural fingernails are looking. When I was pulling a lot, my thumbnails and middle-finger nails were very short, weak, bent, and generally not all that attractive. They have since grown back to the same length as my other nails, and are looking very healthy and generally like I haven't been using and abusing them.
Last week was reward system week, and while it's great in theory, it's going to take a lot longer than one week to work on. My goals included: not pulling while at work (2 pts), not pulling in the afternoon on the computer (3 pts), not pulling in the evening while watching tv (3 pts), not pulling at all for one day (6 pts), and using stimulus control/competing responses at the beginning of every urge for one day (4 pts). I found the last one on that list is the hardest one. Rewards included: chocolate bar (30 pts), CDs, Road trips, etc. I have only yet achieved the chocolate bar. I think I'm going to have to alter my list so that I have more small things that can be achieved quicker, to keep my interest.
This week is relaxation week, including both muscle relaxation and diaphramatic breathing. This technique is to be most useful when one is overstimulated/stressed/overwhelmed/frustrated/emotional/anxious... basically, anything but bored or apathetic. I actually used this method a few hours ago when I had a stress headache, and it really helped me regain my 'cool' so I could continue on with my day in a more effective manner.
Muscle relaxation can either be done by tensing and relaxing each muscle group, or focusing on just relaxing each muscle group. I prefer the tensing and relaxing because it keeps me more interested in the task at hand, and it helps me take the time to go through all the muscle groups, instead of just saying "alright, everything relax!".
Diaphramatic breathing of course is focusing on breathing slowly and deeply from your diaphram, instead of shallow chest-breathing.
Both of these can be done sitting (especially useful if you want to get up and going again afterwards), or lying down (especially useful for night-time urges). I have a really hard time staying awake while I'm lying- the second my eyes shut, my body goes into something I call the "pplleeeaaaasee let me sleep" mode. Therefore, doing these exercises sitting up is most useful for me... unless of course, I'm going to have a nap afterwards (which is always delicious!).
Progress pictures time:
Check out my eyelashes- they're even starting to curl:
Those last pictures are just to show what my hair is looking like nowadays. It's mostly uniform, except still a little thinner on top and the upper back. Either way, definitely great progress. I'm predicting by the time four months has passed (3 months to go), all of my hair will be it's natural thickness.
That's it for this week! Tune in next week for an introduction to HRT!