Paranoid... Help me?
So, I'm at the point in my life where I don't know where I'm going. Or what's going to happen to me.. blah blah. Everyone goes through it. The stage where you transition from child to adult. Right now, for me I'm lost. I'm 19, I don't drive (I'm working on it.. BUT I have to get a new S.S. card, GR), I don't have a job (will be working on that soon too), I'm going to college but I'm not 100% what for, I don't have the money to go to school (neither do my parents) and I'm so unmotivated.
I don't know why ethier. I wish I was. I want to be, I just don't know how.
Wednesday I have orientation at Purdue Cal (or, PUC101). Which seems pretty pointless. It's 9am-4pm. I take my math placement exam, meet (in groups) with advisers, take tours, and schedule to make an appointment for registering classes. I'm pretty scared. My mom/stepdad are in financial ruin right now.. They're about to re-finance the house (and it was almost paid off) because we don't have money. We haven't been grocery shopping in months. Just milk, bread, and lunch meat. My mom owes me money. (roughly $70) because she wasn't able to pay for things. So pretty much they can't pay for shit for school. It all rests on my dad.. I'm not even sure how much he has saved atm. I can't register for Financial Aid because I couldn't fill out the FAFSA (although I tried, twice to get a PIN and they never sent it to me). I don't have a job atm so I don't know how I'd go about getting a loan.
I'm scared.
As for a major I'm still not sure. Pretty much for my whole high school career I wanted to do Journalism. This last year I realized that was more than likely hopeless. I'm not a great writer, and I don't enjoy it like I used to. [thank you Panther Press!] So then I thought Public Relations.. Dude, I'm not completley sure WHAT that is, but it involves speeches and I don't know how well I am with public speaking.. it scares me a bit. So then I thought graphic design because I've always been interested. But I'm not THAT creative, so I threw that idea away. Now I'm on to Marketing with maybe a minor in PR, and I'm not exactly sure what marketing entails ethier. I'm not that great at any one thing.. Liz has art, and she's amazing, Moda has pretty much everything, she can write, and she can act, she's set.. Mike has his party planning thing, which he's awesome at.. I don't have anything.
I like video games. and computers. but I don't have a mathematical mind so computer stuff is out.. Plus I don't know much.. And I know I can't design video games.
There's nothing left for me. I don't know what to do and it terrifies me.
I like to just fall into my whole of a shitful mess (my room) and play video games all day. That's the only thing that has gotten me anywhere. I love PMS, so much, and it's awesome but I don't know what kind of future I can hold with them.
Let's just say I'm not one of those "pretty girls" - I'm not saying I'm ugly, but I'm a little overweight.. and I don't wear makeup or anything. So I'm not they're "camera" girl. I like to play the games, but I'm not very good.
I just don't know what to do with life right now :(
I need to start driving.
ARGH why does that have to be so important?
*crawls back into my shell*
I don't know why ethier. I wish I was. I want to be, I just don't know how.
Wednesday I have orientation at Purdue Cal (or, PUC101). Which seems pretty pointless. It's 9am-4pm. I take my math placement exam, meet (in groups) with advisers, take tours, and schedule to make an appointment for registering classes. I'm pretty scared. My mom/stepdad are in financial ruin right now.. They're about to re-finance the house (and it was almost paid off) because we don't have money. We haven't been grocery shopping in months. Just milk, bread, and lunch meat. My mom owes me money. (roughly $70) because she wasn't able to pay for things. So pretty much they can't pay for shit for school. It all rests on my dad.. I'm not even sure how much he has saved atm. I can't register for Financial Aid because I couldn't fill out the FAFSA (although I tried, twice to get a PIN and they never sent it to me). I don't have a job atm so I don't know how I'd go about getting a loan.
I'm scared.
As for a major I'm still not sure. Pretty much for my whole high school career I wanted to do Journalism. This last year I realized that was more than likely hopeless. I'm not a great writer, and I don't enjoy it like I used to. [thank you Panther Press!] So then I thought Public Relations.. Dude, I'm not completley sure WHAT that is, but it involves speeches and I don't know how well I am with public speaking.. it scares me a bit. So then I thought graphic design because I've always been interested. But I'm not THAT creative, so I threw that idea away. Now I'm on to Marketing with maybe a minor in PR, and I'm not exactly sure what marketing entails ethier. I'm not that great at any one thing.. Liz has art, and she's amazing, Moda has pretty much everything, she can write, and she can act, she's set.. Mike has his party planning thing, which he's awesome at.. I don't have anything.
I like video games. and computers. but I don't have a mathematical mind so computer stuff is out.. Plus I don't know much.. And I know I can't design video games.
There's nothing left for me. I don't know what to do and it terrifies me.
I like to just fall into my whole of a shitful mess (my room) and play video games all day. That's the only thing that has gotten me anywhere. I love PMS, so much, and it's awesome but I don't know what kind of future I can hold with them.
Let's just say I'm not one of those "pretty girls" - I'm not saying I'm ugly, but I'm a little overweight.. and I don't wear makeup or anything. So I'm not they're "camera" girl. I like to play the games, but I'm not very good.
I just don't know what to do with life right now :(
I need to start driving.
ARGH why does that have to be so important?
*crawls back into my shell*