MI update 2

[july_kitty]

I'm actually having a not-so-bad time up here. It's still super-rural, which I cannot abide, lol, but I'm building some incredible memories. Mr. and Mrs. Devereaux (Dale and Annette) have been really incredibly nice. Jean and Gary met us today, and I saw the new farm/house they're building about a mile or so away from this house. My boyfriend helped Dale and Corey put in the support beams on the house they're building. He's such a stud.

Today, I...

• learned the difference between steer and bulls.
• climbed the stairs on the side of a grain bin and was horrendously terrified.
• sat on TWO John Deere tractors, one of which had wheels bigger than me.
• went "into town" to Lansing and got the sheet music for the wedding and watched "Get Smart" at the movie theater.

It was a very eventful day and I've enjoyed it, although at the movie theater Paul sat on gum and got it all on his jeans. That will be gross to get out. Claire's been not feeling so great, so she's only been there for this and that, and I've lent her my pj pants. She is very much a sweetheart. I'm still cautiously watching Sarah and Corey, as I'm still not entirely sure they're ready to be getting married, but I'm hoping they will be okay. It turns out we're all up here because Sarah's having ANOTHER bridal shower tomorrow (suddenly I don't feel so bad for missing last week's) and I was unaware that was why I was coming up here. So Paul will be with the menfolk helping to build the new house, and I will be helping out with the bridal shower. =\ How do I get myself into these things? I can't wait to be back home. As much as Paul and I are a couple up here, we are seeing so little of each other. I hope this isn't what married life is like. And he can be a real prick to his family when he's being stubborn or anti-social. He says he's like that because he reserves being nice for me, because "I'm special," but I harped at him for being a prick because he doesn't turn it off fast enough when he starts talking to me again. He's sarcastic and a smartass for no reason other than he can be, and I want him to just put on a good face to be supportive because his sister will only get married ONCE (we hope). I feel it's a matter of maturity to put on a patient face when dealing with stupidity out of your own family, simply because they're the only family you have. So okay, perhaps looking for sheet music while we're out of town rather than doing it when we're in Indianapolis is slightly more difficult. This is the first chance Sarah has had time with me not doing anything else, and she wanted me with her. Do you really need to bring up that it makes a little less sense than either ordering it online or shopping back home in Indy? Let's just get it done, get it over with, because we don't have anything else to be shopping for at this moment in time. It doesn't require a nasty aside. Leave it alone, you know?

I think maybe it worries me because while I see some of Sarah's shenanigans as unnecessary foolishness, I see bits and pieces of me in her, and so I dislike it when he's rude or impatient with her. I don't want him to turn into that with me. Humor her for now. She's the bride, whether we agree that they're ready for the wedding or not. Just let it be and be supportive. Quietly. I also dislike how he treats his mother, because though she can be overbearing sometimes, she's still his mother. I was always told to watch how he treats his mother, because as good as it might be right now, one day he'll treat me like that. I don't want him to be sarcastic or mean in unnecessary quantities one day when I'm no longer sexy or attractive. I want him to still be respectful, a presentable partner in social situations. Hmm--perhaps that's the part I don't get. He is SO GOOD with my family, and my friends, I don't understand why he's an asshole to his own family and (whether I could pinpoint it last time or not) acts different around his own friends. He played Sudoku on my phone the entire time we were sitting in the dusklight talking to Corey's parents! Arghhh...maybe they don't see it as rude, because he's helping with the house, but I know my parents would string a guy up for that. Hell, I would be irritated if I had a houseguest that just played with a phone instead of being a part of the conversation. He's not antisocial--he's an intelligent human being with good things to say, but I dislike how he dismisses his own family as something he's not prepared to put any effort into. He says he doesn't care. Uncool. One day we're going to have a family, and I'll want him to care.

Or maybe I'm just worried because he's so good to me and so not good to everyone else, I'm concerned that he's still just being good to me for now because we're still technically new. What if it wears off? Like how when you have a new car, it's perfect and shiny and you see those dingy old cars that haven't been washed in years, and you almost think your car will never get dirty. Hard to imagine your shiny new car ever being dirty. But in time, you realize that it gets just as dirty as any other car, no matter what you do. I don't want him treating me well because I'm shiny and new--things get old, and dirty--I want him to treat me well because he loves and respects me, and I don't want him to dismiss me as another built-in part of his life twenty-three years from now just because he's tired of me, or because the relationship is no longer shiny and new. =\ I don't want it to wear off, and I think it irritates me that he can be so sharp with his own family because that means he has it in him to be like that to people who love him.

I love him. I don't deserve that. So neither do they.

I have fascinating pictures of all kinds of new experiences today. I will upload them one day when I am not relying on someone else's satellite internet connection.