(no subject)
so adam had finally called me tuesday, after 11 days of me not knowing if he was ok, crying everyday, worried literally sick. and he calls and says he came up here (ny) from north carolina, visited his family and fucked an ex girlfriend from 8th grade. he said the long distance thing isn't working, which i have felt for a long time now, but he still wants to be friends and continue talking on the phone. so tuesday we spoke for 2 hours, and cleared everything up and agreed that with me going to spain in the fall it wouldn't work. i told him fine, but to know i'm not going to refrain from sleeping with other guys. (even though i never was haha oops). i don't care at all that he fucked some other girl, the thing that draws the line for me is the fact that i wasn't worried about him with some other girl, i was worried about him and his well being. i realized something talking to sarah; adam is a good conversationalist, not a good friend. a friend would have at least returned a phone call to say that they're okay and not to worry about them. so i told him i would think about continuing to be phone friends, and he was immediately like 'i thought we were on the same page!' blah blah. so i haven't called him since tuesday. he called for the first time today at 9:30pm and left some pointless voicemail about something funny and said he had to go play practice. so he calls again at 11:40ish and leaves another voicemail saying he was wondering about the evolution of our relationship (now we have a relationship) and he got emotional earlier and pushed it away or something. then he called again like not even 2 minutes later and left another voicemail that it's not funny that he would've been better off not telling me the truth about what he did, and then there's like a pounding noise and he says 'i should probably stop doing this' and there's more pounding and that's it. i don't plan on calling him back for awhile, and only then to tell him i don't want to talk. i'm glad this happened, the 11 days were hell but i mourned him, and now i'm over him. and now it's his turn. i'm a very vindictive person, pressing silence to his incoming call and watching his name on the display screen was wonderful. and when he called back not only 2 minutes later, ah that was so great. i love it, he's already freaking out. i hope being unattainable drives him fucking crazy. i am feeding off his misery right now, it's just bringing me probably unhealthy amounts of joy. and the best part is that i have no desire to ever speak to him again, there's no amount of revenge that would make me say 'ok, i'm happy now.' i think he will be the one who is a wreck down the road. i'm strong enough that i was able to get over it, completely. and i am so fucking happy to know that it's not that i settled for less by being with him for as long as i was. we had no defined relationship and i was sleeping with other people too, so i didn't really have the right to be upset. but what he just did - that's different. that's a direct stab in the back and i already feel so confident because now i know i'm strong enough to stand up for myself, i won't tolerate people hurting me like that. that pain made everything else i've felt with him almost insignificant. (in terms of pain) i'm sleepy though. bedtime.