Caution! Falling rocks & mixed emotions
I feel ugly lately. Not that I'm in an ugly mood, no. I just feel really unattractive. I looked at myself in the mirror yesterday before my shower and just felt repugnant. That feeling is not being helped by the dreams I had last night, when I was rejected twice by the same guy in different scenarios. In one I kept trying to talk to him and he wouldn't even answer me back. In the otherone, he outright shot me down, point-blank, to my face. What does it mean, I wonder, when you're not even welcome in your dreams? Bleh.
On another note, I'm thinking about writing again. I know, I should be beading, but there's story (and even some really, really old ones I've never finished, lying around right now) pulling at me lately. If I do write, though, it won't be entered here. It'll be at
pale_exquisite
, which is my writing, spiritual, and altogether more personal & adult journal. Because I write sex. Het, slash, some of it kinky and whatnot. I have friends who know me as being sweet, and I really don't want them privy to more of my freaky or more controversial thoughts. I'm a really messed-up person sometimes, and it's kind of hard for me to let people see how much. (Though I came out with one of the worst of my personality quirks to one of my best friends recently, and she honestly didn't seem too bothered by it. That felt good.)
We saw Mamma Mia! last night because Mom wanted to go, and I kind of did, too. It was great. I loved it. I even caught myself clapping after certain songs. (And I can just imagine Tabi there squeeing in absolute delight. Which is not a bad thing. We all need to squee in absolute delight from time to time.) When I'm fifty, I totally wanna be Rosie. She even howled in the car, LOL! I wanna be a glamorous old hag. (Said with all possible affection.) The 70's clothes were an absolute blast to look at.
it got me to thinking, though. I'm only 31, and we aren't even that fun. There are seriously nights when all my friends and I do is sit around and literally crochet. We're still relatively young. Where have all the good times gone? *sigh*