The Watchmen
So I went to see Watchmen yesterday. I've gotta say, it was fucking awesome!
I did, however, have several issues with the movie.
1. You have a machine that disintegrates a man. He returns several weeks later as a demigod. What do you do?
A) Shrug your shoulders and say "Cool. The Superman exists and he's an American."
B) Put more goddamn people into the machine.
If you're the writers, you answered (A). If you're me, or a real politician in the setting of this movie, you'd pick (B).
The remaining complaints stem from Ozymandias' master plan, and essentially the entire underlying plot of the movie.
2. "We've lost Dr. Manhattan. We better nuke the Russians first!" Yeah, movie-Nixon was a fucking 'tard, and so was anyone who carried out his orders. And how did Ozymandias, the smartest man in the world, not think of this?
3. But seriously, the nukes should have already been ready to fly. Two days? Talk about unprepared.
4. How the hell did Ozymandias manage to time Ed's murder, Rorschach's appearance, and the police response so perfectly?
5. Seeing as Dr. Manhattan is able to detect micro-stuff, wouldn't he know if he were radiating energy that causes cancer?
6. I'm just gonna treat the tachyon research thing like dilithium crystals and leave it alone.
7. Who built Ozymandias' detonation programming system? Wouldn't someone have noticed and asked "Um, hey, sir, I don't mean to sound like I know more about this system than you, the smartest man in the world, you know, other than the fact that I helped build and program the goddamn thing, but it seems to me to be more of a doomsday device than a power plant, what with functions like DetonateParis(Time t) and DetonateNewYork(Time t)." Yeah, sure, maybe he programmed parts of it himself, what with all of his free time outside of running a global corporation, but someone aught to have noticed something wasn't quite right.
8. Good thing all the scientists drank the wine at the toast before Ozymandias, huh? Man, that would have been awkward, right? "A toast! To everything we've accomplished! ...uh, we're waiting on you, sir." Rule: never drink the magic punch before the boss.
9. What would have happened if someone on either side had hit the 'launch' button before they realized it was Dr. Manhattan who had destroyed those cities?
10. So, the Russians see cities being blown up. Being the smart guys that they are, what with the KGB and intel from the Viet Nam involvement, they do some math and realize also that it's the work of Dr. Manhattan. Dr. Manhattan works for the Americans. And why wouldn't they consider this a preemptive strike and launch their nukes? Question on this: would they have known that some US cities were blown up, too? Would they have cared, given that age of paranoia?
11. So you're telling me that no one besides those oil execs knew that Ozymandias was building an energy generator with the same energy signature as Dr. Manhattan. No one. Not even the government people who ran that research center where Dr. Manhattan built the goddamn thing.
12. "I'm Ozymandias, the smartest man in the world. I need to come up with a way to kill Dr. Manhattan now. Hmmm...I think I'll do to him the same goddamn thing that turned him into a god the first time!" Fucking 'tard. Really, why was that bit even in there? The only thing it did was set up Dr. Manhattan to punch the roof out.
13. Okay, so the world thinks that Dr. Manhattan blew up some cities, so they unite against him. But where did he go? Why did he do it? Why didn't he finish the job? Really, any even half-hearted attempt at an investigation would have made people realize "Somethin' ain't right with this." Oh, and peace via alliance against a common foe is a peace that will only last as long as the common foe exists. Furthermore, news spreads slowly (if at all) in 3rd world countries.
14. What makes Ozymandias think that, a hundred years hence when everyone who is alive now is dead and replaced by new politicians [who have only read about Dr. Manhattan in textbooks], they won't go to war again? As above, a peace based on a common foe is temporary.
15. Why did Rorschach have to die? Why not just kill Ozymandias? Truth wasn't Rorschach's game, retribution was.
16. Given that Comedian had snapped, what made Ozymandias think he could trust the others? Once Dr. Manhattan went off to another galaxy, why wouldn't he have killed the other two?
So yeah, this movie suffered from a serious case of what I will now call "The Joker Syndrome", or Ludicrously Complicated Planitis.
Still, I'd rate the movie 9.5 or 10. It was well worth the five bucks! To anyone reading this who hasn't yet seen it (and if so, I hope you didn't read the cut above), I highly recommend going to see it. Though I have been told that it will be a better experience if you read the graphic novel first, make sure you catch it while it's in the theaters.
I did, however, have several issues with the movie.
1. You have a machine that disintegrates a man. He returns several weeks later as a demigod. What do you do?
A) Shrug your shoulders and say "Cool. The Superman exists and he's an American."
B) Put more goddamn people into the machine.
If you're the writers, you answered (A). If you're me, or a real politician in the setting of this movie, you'd pick (B).
The remaining complaints stem from Ozymandias' master plan, and essentially the entire underlying plot of the movie.
2. "We've lost Dr. Manhattan. We better nuke the Russians first!" Yeah, movie-Nixon was a fucking 'tard, and so was anyone who carried out his orders. And how did Ozymandias, the smartest man in the world, not think of this?
3. But seriously, the nukes should have already been ready to fly. Two days? Talk about unprepared.
4. How the hell did Ozymandias manage to time Ed's murder, Rorschach's appearance, and the police response so perfectly?
5. Seeing as Dr. Manhattan is able to detect micro-stuff, wouldn't he know if he were radiating energy that causes cancer?
6. I'm just gonna treat the tachyon research thing like dilithium crystals and leave it alone.
7. Who built Ozymandias' detonation programming system? Wouldn't someone have noticed and asked "Um, hey, sir, I don't mean to sound like I know more about this system than you, the smartest man in the world, you know, other than the fact that I helped build and program the goddamn thing, but it seems to me to be more of a doomsday device than a power plant, what with functions like DetonateParis(Time t) and DetonateNewYork(Time t)." Yeah, sure, maybe he programmed parts of it himself, what with all of his free time outside of running a global corporation, but someone aught to have noticed something wasn't quite right.
8. Good thing all the scientists drank the wine at the toast before Ozymandias, huh? Man, that would have been awkward, right? "A toast! To everything we've accomplished! ...uh, we're waiting on you, sir." Rule: never drink the magic punch before the boss.
9. What would have happened if someone on either side had hit the 'launch' button before they realized it was Dr. Manhattan who had destroyed those cities?
10. So, the Russians see cities being blown up. Being the smart guys that they are, what with the KGB and intel from the Viet Nam involvement, they do some math and realize also that it's the work of Dr. Manhattan. Dr. Manhattan works for the Americans. And why wouldn't they consider this a preemptive strike and launch their nukes? Question on this: would they have known that some US cities were blown up, too? Would they have cared, given that age of paranoia?
11. So you're telling me that no one besides those oil execs knew that Ozymandias was building an energy generator with the same energy signature as Dr. Manhattan. No one. Not even the government people who ran that research center where Dr. Manhattan built the goddamn thing.
12. "I'm Ozymandias, the smartest man in the world. I need to come up with a way to kill Dr. Manhattan now. Hmmm...I think I'll do to him the same goddamn thing that turned him into a god the first time!" Fucking 'tard. Really, why was that bit even in there? The only thing it did was set up Dr. Manhattan to punch the roof out.
13. Okay, so the world thinks that Dr. Manhattan blew up some cities, so they unite against him. But where did he go? Why did he do it? Why didn't he finish the job? Really, any even half-hearted attempt at an investigation would have made people realize "Somethin' ain't right with this." Oh, and peace via alliance against a common foe is a peace that will only last as long as the common foe exists. Furthermore, news spreads slowly (if at all) in 3rd world countries.
14. What makes Ozymandias think that, a hundred years hence when everyone who is alive now is dead and replaced by new politicians [who have only read about Dr. Manhattan in textbooks], they won't go to war again? As above, a peace based on a common foe is temporary.
15. Why did Rorschach have to die? Why not just kill Ozymandias? Truth wasn't Rorschach's game, retribution was.
16. Given that Comedian had snapped, what made Ozymandias think he could trust the others? Once Dr. Manhattan went off to another galaxy, why wouldn't he have killed the other two?
So yeah, this movie suffered from a serious case of what I will now call "The Joker Syndrome", or Ludicrously Complicated Planitis.
Still, I'd rate the movie 9.5 or 10. It was well worth the five bucks! To anyone reading this who hasn't yet seen it (and if so, I hope you didn't read the cut above), I highly recommend going to see it. Though I have been told that it will be a better experience if you read the graphic novel first, make sure you catch it while it's in the theaters.