ohhh college
ok. i know i havent written in a while, but i feel now is the time. I believe my last entry was about being afriad of college and what it might bring having to do with my relationships with people and other things.
well...its brought a lot and i dont really know how i feel about it.
I started off loving it. my roommates were great and so were all my suitemates. my classes were realitivly exciting and i really liked being near the city.
Its almost the end of first semester and i want to kill myself. you all know me, i am messy and i bitch and complain all the time. some of which is still true. but i have changed my ways a lot to live with these people and i just dont think i can do it anymore. i clean my shit all the time...such a picking up my clothes, doing the dishes, picking up other peoples shit that is in the way. i live in a fucking closet and all i want is out.
i wanted to get and apartment, but i obviosly cant do that by myself and no on e can do it with me right now. and i was thinking about moving home, but who wants to move home once you finally move out? i think erik and i are going to get and apartment next year but i just cant wait that long. i feel uncomfortable and not myself here. i always have to wait for someone or have to watch what i say or do. when have i ever been like that in my whole life???
i cant even have privacy with my boyfriend because my roommates get pissed off and talk about it behing my back. and they act like everything is fine to my face.
i really want to talk to them, but i feel like if i do i am just going to flip out and nothing will get solved. i have been holding in so much anger for so long that i am going to break soon.
i just get so confused because i am trying to figure this whole thing out if i should move out or not and then everyone once and a while cara will be like "oh well i might move home next semester" so im like well if she is moving home then i dont have to. but then inever know because she said "she might move out" the last time.
everytimei walk into MY OWN BEDROOM i feel like im being glared at and i get uncomfortable. like its not my place or something. thats not how it should be in my own bedroom.i dont know what to do. if anyone needs a roommate let me know because i want to get the fuck out of here. asap.
gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
sorry that everytime i write and entry it is depressing. what else is a lj for?
*Julia*
well...its brought a lot and i dont really know how i feel about it.
I started off loving it. my roommates were great and so were all my suitemates. my classes were realitivly exciting and i really liked being near the city.
Its almost the end of first semester and i want to kill myself. you all know me, i am messy and i bitch and complain all the time. some of which is still true. but i have changed my ways a lot to live with these people and i just dont think i can do it anymore. i clean my shit all the time...such a picking up my clothes, doing the dishes, picking up other peoples shit that is in the way. i live in a fucking closet and all i want is out.
i wanted to get and apartment, but i obviosly cant do that by myself and no on e can do it with me right now. and i was thinking about moving home, but who wants to move home once you finally move out? i think erik and i are going to get and apartment next year but i just cant wait that long. i feel uncomfortable and not myself here. i always have to wait for someone or have to watch what i say or do. when have i ever been like that in my whole life???
i cant even have privacy with my boyfriend because my roommates get pissed off and talk about it behing my back. and they act like everything is fine to my face.
i really want to talk to them, but i feel like if i do i am just going to flip out and nothing will get solved. i have been holding in so much anger for so long that i am going to break soon.
i just get so confused because i am trying to figure this whole thing out if i should move out or not and then everyone once and a while cara will be like "oh well i might move home next semester" so im like well if she is moving home then i dont have to. but then inever know because she said "she might move out" the last time.
everytimei walk into MY OWN BEDROOM i feel like im being glared at and i get uncomfortable. like its not my place or something. thats not how it should be in my own bedroom.i dont know what to do. if anyone needs a roommate let me know because i want to get the fuck out of here. asap.
gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
sorry that everytime i write and entry it is depressing. what else is a lj for?
*Julia*