(no subject)
I have been lost in thought this evening. It really hit me tonight. Conrad is 10 months old. I never could've imagined my life this way, but I don't regret the decisions I have made.
A big part of these 10 months has been my nursing relationship. I have gone fron being inexperienced and forcing myself to take it feeding by feeding, to looking forward to nursing (it is my only cuddle time these days, after all).
After my water breaking failed to progress my labor, I allowed myseld to be induced with pitocin. I took two half doses of Stadol during my labor, which I believe effected our early nursing sessions. Conrad cried for the first 2.5 hours of his life, and would not latch on for anything.
To my dismay, I also found out that my nipples were rather uncooperative. I had noticed before that they weren't very prominent, but it never occured to me that they were considered flat, since they would become erect for a very short period of time. However, they would not be drawn out far enough, or for a long enough period of time, and latching was very difficult. In combination with my nipples being having a large diameter, the poor boy couldn't seem to handle it.
I had several nurses come in and threaten to supplement with glucose water if I couldn't get him to nurse, since he was supposedly a big baby. He was only a little above average, weighing in at 8lb, 6.5oz. I became desperate and asked for help. I tried different positions, pumping beforehand, stimulating my nipples with cold washrags, the "nipple sandwich" technique, and latching him on while he was sleeping. Nothing seemed to work. Finally I broke down and tried a nipple shield. He gagged the moment he latched on, so I threw it away and vowed that I would not let an artificial nipple touch his mouth again until we got it right.
After staying an extra day in the hospital because of our difficulties, we finally went home. Things did not improve there, as he developed jaundice and became very sleepy. His latch was still terrible (sometimes taking half an hour just to get him ON, even improperly), and I broke down multiple times and came close to using the formula samples we got from the hospital. In a moment of clarity, I told Kris to get rid of it- possibly the only thing that saved this rocky relationship. My milk came in at 2 days postpartum, and the situation only became worse, due to engorgement.
During these times, I dreaded every feeding. My nipples hurt, I was emotionally overwhelmed, and I didn't think I could do it. I cried every time Conrad woke up, because I knew he would be hungry.
Nights were especially hell. I wanted Conrad to sleep in his bassinet for the first six weeks (I was afraid that we would roll over on him as a newborn since we were exhausted), but he would not sleep anywhere but my chest. He wanted to nurse constantly at night, since it seemed to be the only time he could latch. Some nights I would get so upset that Kristopher would take him and I would pump to help ease the intense pain engorgement brought me.
I went to my mom's house for some support, and she told me to give up. Everyone told me to give up, until I got my adopt a mom mentor, Shannon. I stuck it through, and for a while things improved. Then, we got thrush when Conrad was around 3 months old. After that, he would only nurse in the side laying position, no matter how hard I tried other holds. I almost gave up again, but after numerous suggestions from Shannon, and several months of trying, Corad began nursing normally at around 8 months old. He has had a few minor nursing strikes since then, but for the most part it has been blessedly easy.
Although breastfeeding has been rough for us, I am glad we made it this far. He has never had one drop of formula and he is happy, healthy, and amazing all around. I am proud of my body, myself, and of course, my baby boy.
A big part of these 10 months has been my nursing relationship. I have gone fron being inexperienced and forcing myself to take it feeding by feeding, to looking forward to nursing (it is my only cuddle time these days, after all).
After my water breaking failed to progress my labor, I allowed myseld to be induced with pitocin. I took two half doses of Stadol during my labor, which I believe effected our early nursing sessions. Conrad cried for the first 2.5 hours of his life, and would not latch on for anything.
To my dismay, I also found out that my nipples were rather uncooperative. I had noticed before that they weren't very prominent, but it never occured to me that they were considered flat, since they would become erect for a very short period of time. However, they would not be drawn out far enough, or for a long enough period of time, and latching was very difficult. In combination with my nipples being having a large diameter, the poor boy couldn't seem to handle it.
I had several nurses come in and threaten to supplement with glucose water if I couldn't get him to nurse, since he was supposedly a big baby. He was only a little above average, weighing in at 8lb, 6.5oz. I became desperate and asked for help. I tried different positions, pumping beforehand, stimulating my nipples with cold washrags, the "nipple sandwich" technique, and latching him on while he was sleeping. Nothing seemed to work. Finally I broke down and tried a nipple shield. He gagged the moment he latched on, so I threw it away and vowed that I would not let an artificial nipple touch his mouth again until we got it right.
After staying an extra day in the hospital because of our difficulties, we finally went home. Things did not improve there, as he developed jaundice and became very sleepy. His latch was still terrible (sometimes taking half an hour just to get him ON, even improperly), and I broke down multiple times and came close to using the formula samples we got from the hospital. In a moment of clarity, I told Kris to get rid of it- possibly the only thing that saved this rocky relationship. My milk came in at 2 days postpartum, and the situation only became worse, due to engorgement.
During these times, I dreaded every feeding. My nipples hurt, I was emotionally overwhelmed, and I didn't think I could do it. I cried every time Conrad woke up, because I knew he would be hungry.
Nights were especially hell. I wanted Conrad to sleep in his bassinet for the first six weeks (I was afraid that we would roll over on him as a newborn since we were exhausted), but he would not sleep anywhere but my chest. He wanted to nurse constantly at night, since it seemed to be the only time he could latch. Some nights I would get so upset that Kristopher would take him and I would pump to help ease the intense pain engorgement brought me.
I went to my mom's house for some support, and she told me to give up. Everyone told me to give up, until I got my adopt a mom mentor, Shannon. I stuck it through, and for a while things improved. Then, we got thrush when Conrad was around 3 months old. After that, he would only nurse in the side laying position, no matter how hard I tried other holds. I almost gave up again, but after numerous suggestions from Shannon, and several months of trying, Corad began nursing normally at around 8 months old. He has had a few minor nursing strikes since then, but for the most part it has been blessedly easy.
Although breastfeeding has been rough for us, I am glad we made it this far. He has never had one drop of formula and he is happy, healthy, and amazing all around. I am proud of my body, myself, and of course, my baby boy.