entertaining thoughts....
So tonight I was looking through my presents pictures (from the day and the night party) and all I could think about was how ironic it is that I liked so may of the pictures. I used to hate my pics. and now I look at them and think "yeah... those are nice of me." Don't get me wrong, there are some that are bad, but for the most part, I was pleased. These thoughts brought me here: If I am such a "great girl" and have all this self confidence, then why does it seem that I never truly have what I want? Is it a false sense of confidence and security? Do I just not see myself for who I really am? (Sounds familiar doesn't it J?)
I always tell people that one finds what they are looking for when they least expect it and that being objective and honest will get them there in the end.
I am starting to think that is BS.
What the hell are u supposed to do if u find what you want and need and then it turns out to be terribly wrong? On the other hand, who are we to try and tell ourselves that we have any control over how we feel? We can't modify the things we think about, right or wrong. You can't ever really "choose" to explore certain feelings or ignore them bc if they are strong enough they will push their way through to the surface, regardless of your menial attempt at subduing them.
All I know is that I am being honest and objective with myself every single day and slowly coming to realize that my version of honest and objective is NOT really honest or objective at all. (But don't try to tell me that bc I will assure you that the above is crap and give you counter examples to boot!)
The bottom line is that right now, I feel like I know what I want (even though logically, I know this is not true).
Self questioning will drive a person MAD! You never get any answers, just more damn questions.
I always tell people that one finds what they are looking for when they least expect it and that being objective and honest will get them there in the end.
I am starting to think that is BS.
What the hell are u supposed to do if u find what you want and need and then it turns out to be terribly wrong? On the other hand, who are we to try and tell ourselves that we have any control over how we feel? We can't modify the things we think about, right or wrong. You can't ever really "choose" to explore certain feelings or ignore them bc if they are strong enough they will push their way through to the surface, regardless of your menial attempt at subduing them.
All I know is that I am being honest and objective with myself every single day and slowly coming to realize that my version of honest and objective is NOT really honest or objective at all. (But don't try to tell me that bc I will assure you that the above is crap and give you counter examples to boot!)
The bottom line is that right now, I feel like I know what I want (even though logically, I know this is not true).
Self questioning will drive a person MAD! You never get any answers, just more damn questions.