(no subject)
so i'm not fine. i lied. i fucking lied. how could i possibly be fine without you?? you were everything to me and then you were just taken away from me. how can i be so used to having someone around for almost a year, so used to loving someone, and then just expect to drop those feelings instantly when you removed yourself from my life. i had forgotten how much heartbreak sucks because i never thought i'd feel it again. as naive as it sounds, i really thought this would never happen with us. being without you is making me do things that i don't want to do. things i never wanted to do when i was with you. i'm lonely without you. i'm lost. i'm confused. it kills me to know that you don't want to be with me. after everything we had, everything we shared. i don't understand why you want to do this. why is this the best. we both hate it. so why can't we just be together? god damnit i love you. and i've said it before, but i really didn't deeply mean it until i met you. i never truly knew what love actually was until i looked into your eyes. until you taught me love. i seriously can't be by myself because i just think about you and how much i miss you. so in order to get rid of this loneliness i turn to other boys, other things that will get my mind off of you for one hour, one night, one day. but these things, they aren't filling in that empty space that i have. and i don't know why i want to do these things because with you i never had this desire. help me. please god help me. at least fucking talk to me. don't act like we weren't together for all that time. don't act like you don't love me because i know you do. as much as you don't want to tell me anymore, i know you do. i can hear it in your voice when you call me. i know you still want to kiss me. you told me. so figure yourself out so this pain can stop for a while. i don't want to feel heartbreak or loneliness anymore. i don't want to feel pathetic and naive anymore. this is how you make me feel, and you should want nothing more than to take that away from me. so please, do it.