New Year, New Love, New Life
Things change. It's....inevitable. And as much as some people hate change, somtimes it's for the better. =/
My last year of life wasn't the greatest. Not even "okay." School issues, money issues, family issues, an bf issues were tremnously difficult for me. A disaster. And the debris still hasn't cleared completely. But I'm sure it will in necessary time.
I was unmotivated, depressed, lonely, and overall, "numb." I spent a lot of my time being....lost. And though I'm not exactly "found" I'm sure I'll make it out of the woods alive.
So, what changed?
After feeling myself sinking into the floors, the ground, the back of my mind, I came to the decision that I need to set myself in motion. With broken wings and a brokn heart, I grasped onto the remains of my spirit, of myself. Instead of sleeping day in and day out, I got up and out of the house. I distracted myself. My friends helped aid my distractions, and I started to live again. But nothing seemed to be enough to keep me alive, because as soon as I went home, I was as dead as I had been before. No wounds were even close to being healed and I was still bleeding pretty heavily.
I felt it in myself that something had to change. I was misreable. But mostly, I was making myself misrable. Having been misreable so long, I had forgotton the feeling of bliss...or anything close to it. My friends could only aid my distraction to an extent, and it was wearing thin, so I took a deep breath and took a leap forward, traveling for the first time to a town I' never been to all for the chance of a new distraction. Relying on close to nothing, maybe half out of my mind....I met someone new. Someone new to call "friend," or at least, thats what I was initially looking for.
Turns out I really made a connection with this person. We just... "clicked" and it was better than any distraction could have offered me beforehand. I was SMILING, and LAUGHING, and for the first time in forever, feeling like ME again. I'm not entirely sure where I had lost myself, but since I met this new person, I've been regaining myself.
Why would an artist stop making art? Why would a writer stop writing? Unless their hands fell off, I'm not so sure. Yet, it happened to me. I stopped everything I once loved. And for what? Nothing. I thought I was happy last year, but I can't remember making art or writing. Or playing music on my guitar. And those are all things that made me SO happy. Was I blinded? Perhaps. But mostly, I was in th wrong mindset. My head wasn't in the right place. I wasted all my effort in salvaging things already dead and gone. And I lost sight in things around me. I lost th most sight in myself. I was nowhere to b seen anymore.
SO, my new friend I officially met on my little sister's birthday, JAN 09, 2010 And we started DATING, because it just felt right, appropriate, destined maybe.
It's been a month. And my dimple has been present in my left cheek since, from smiling, laughing, and falling blissfully in love...
So here's to the new year, for new love and new life. =)
"Things will only get better."
And I truly believe it.
-JML-